What do you do when your husband is addicted to playing video games?

Question

My husband plays video games constantly. He doesn't help with the house work or children. I'm begnning to think he has lost interst in me. How do I approach him about my feelings and concerns. Should I just take what he is not saying, to mean he is ready to move on and his video games is an escape. And I should eventually read between the lines.

Answer 1

Honestly, there could be much more serious issues like cheating or abuse among other things. I agree with the ones that said jump in and play with him. Spend a couple of hours playing with him, have fun, it could be a big turn on for him. Then some kinda way suggest that he help you with things around the house. You never know give it a shot.

Answer 2

I got a divorce, but I don't recommend it to you. Video games are very addictive - pavlovian, even. we will do something over and over for the slightest reward. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to be finished - mine is still playing 3 years after our divorce.

You have several option. You can get rid of the video game. This would be unfair - since he's your husband, not your kid. In my opinion, we don't really get those powers over our spouces who should be adults.

You could participate. Sit down and ask him to show you how to play. All game decks have many types of games, puzzles, fantasy role play - even education so you could play with the kids. This tact will have 2 very interesting effects. It will make him feel closer to you since you are sharing something he is interested in, and it will make him realize (at least from a selfish prospective) how intrusive the game is. Maybe there's even an adult in there who will make the leap and figure out what an idiot he's been. And besides, it's kind of cathartic to kill a monster or take a Porsche for a spin. And he'll get them message faster if you name all the monsters you kill after him. :)

Finally - and I think this might be your best option - go have a life. Stop sitting around waiting for him -take your kids and go to the park - the movies, Disney. Laugh and enjoy their company. have fun. Go fishing or to the beach or for a hike with them and be happy. Invite him, but never force him to go with you -don't nag. Maybe he will see that you guys are having a good life while he's have a brief fantasy and he'll decide to join you and remember how much fun real people are. Even if he doesn't, your going to have a great time, so you've got nothing to loose except maybe a couch potato.

Answer 3

Tell the man how you are feeling and ask him the same. My husband plays video games all the time,too but he works and brings mama the check and when he turns off the game it's all about the good stuff. Seriously if you are feeling neglected and need more help just tell him. Don't read between any lines because you can't possibly know what he is thinking.

Answer 4

I see a lot of ways of dealing with this situation. There's the calm, mature way or more emotional way.
The calm, mature way would be to ask him to divide computer time and family time in half. Like so many hours a day/week he can play his games, and the rest of his time home from work he can spend with you and the kids. Encourage him to get educational games he can play with the kids. Like leap frog.
The more emotional way (I'm guilty of this one) would be to tell him you want to talk, to communicate as husband and wife. Tell him your feelings: you, as his wife/lover/best friend, are feeling neglected by his actions. Ask him if there is a reason why he isn't spending more time with you and more on the games. Tell him that the games have been a dent in your relationship with him and you want to fix it. (I'm also guilty of allowing my emotions rule me. I'd take parts of my husband's computer/games and hide them.)
Divorce or leaving someone isn't the solution to a simple problem. I believe that communication is key to a marriage. Don't leave your spouse over something this small. Now that you have children, you can't be selfish especially when it involves your marriage.
Give it some time, after talking to him about this situation. If he doesn't change, continue to remind him of his place in the family but still allow him some hobbies.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Addicted implies that the person has no control over a substance or activity.
Does he go to work? Does he play games there?
If he does to work and doesn't play there, it's clear that he is choosing to play games at home. If he plays at work then eventually he will lose his job and end up at home all the time.
I would set up a time when you can talk undisturbed. In my experience men are not always great at listening or answering questions on the spot. It might be better to simply describe what you want for the family and what you will do if he does not want to change.
If he says he is addicted, give him the choice of going for treatment.
You may have to leave him or ask him to leave to wake him up.

Answer 6

Different people deal with things in different ways. Your husband sounds borderline dysfunctional. My husband and I both play video games, but we do it for fun, and not obsessively - however, my brother in law is totally addicted, and all he ever does is play World of Warcraft; he's always online! He's not married - if he was, this would surely cause problems!

Answer 7

My husband plays video games too. I think he does have an obsession with it. However, he does help around the house and spends time with me as well. You should try calmly talking to him about it. Tell him you need help. He can't know something is bothering you without you telling him. Plus, I would rather my husband be at home playing video games then out running around on me. Just talk to him about it. Try to express interest in it. Also, while he's playing video games, get a sitter (since he won't watch the kids) and do something for yourself. I love me time----pedicures, shopping for something other than groceries, movies, etc.

Answer 8

Hey -- I play the games with him. Its alot of fun! The family works together to get the household chores done then we set a timer and take turns playing. It can be a great family activity. Some days my hubby just needs to unwind from a hard day at work and a few minutes (or sometimes hours) of gaming he becomes the man I married. Better for him to take his frustration out on Tekken 5 or some such game than the family don't you think.

Answer 9

Believe it or not, many women deal with this issue. Notice I didn't use the word, problem? because it isn't. Heck join him. At least he is not out and at bars drinking, and not coming home. There is nothing wrong with playing some games....so if you really feel ignored, just sit down next to him. There is really no need to start some big showdown over video games...come on. He isn't doing anything wrong. You know when I started playing along side my b/f...( i hated half the games he played)..he thought it was so cool. Now he doesn't play as much, but when he does we nboth have a blast together.

Answer 10

Look, try and set some time with him, away from the kids, away from his game and away from any distractions. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Maybe let him know that you will give it try with him, but set certain times when the games can be played. Let him know that you need him to have quality time with the kids and especially you. Need to communicate more. Don't make it a complete shut off or ultimatum kind of discussion, but more of a I understand you will give it a try, but work with me kind of discussion.

Good luck and get you fingers nimble for the games !