Im more comfortable with it since it saves a lot of stress as going through the process of changing it is too much trouble for me. But my husband seems to have a problem with it and this is causing a lot of quarells.
Am I wrong to keep my maiden name?
2007-06-06 07:10:20 · 18 answers · asked by Babe30 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is an easy one. If you and your husband have not learned how to communicate better than this, then you need to start practicing.
Brutally honest communication and negotiation are the cornerstone of all successful marriages.
You guys are headed for the rocks unless you make this one a priority.
Marriages are hard work.
Get at it!!!! :-)
2007-06-06 07:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The tradition of taking a man's name started when wives were considered a husband's property. He "marked" her with his name. And judging from some of the male responses here, men still consider wives their property. It sounds like your husband may be feeling that way even if it's not the way he would choose to describe it.
Many women will take their husband's name to show they are together and part of a family. I've said this before, and I'll say it again - that's a load of crap. There are so many non-traditional and blended familes out there that someone's last name doesn't necessarily tell you or mean anything.
The guy on this post who said it shows how committed you are is off his rocker too. I have several friends who kept their names, including me, and we've all been married 18+ years.
The bottom line is it's YOUR name. You choose to keep it for whatever reasons or not. It's not up to your husband.
As far as naming children, this is something where you should reach a compromise. The women do most of the work bringing them into this world and caring for them, why it's automatic they get their father's name is beyond me.
2007-06-06 14:58:01 · answer #2 · answered by Ronnie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not really that much trouble to change your name, unless you don't think the marriage will last, and you're planning to have to change everything back in a couple of years.
What name will your children take, if you keep your maiden name? Will they have your husband's name, or will you hyphenate it? If your kids have a different last name from you, everyone will figure that your husband is not their father.
2007-06-06 14:15:25 · answer #3 · answered by Judi 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
a lot of people keep their maiden name. I had decided to take my husbands name, but last minute I freaked out and signed my maiden name and hyphenated his onto it. I don't think I'll hear the end of it. Maybe that can work for you. just a suggestion.
2007-06-06 14:16:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jari 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you are keeping your maiden name because it seems to save time and hassles, that is a different reason than how the names sound together, how you feel about having someone else's last name, or how you feel about having to take a man's last name (i knew a family where the children received the mom's last name). is there a compromise or does it seem to be an issue that neither is going to cave on...
2007-06-06 14:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by mynydd_mor 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong. There is no law that says you have to take your husband's name. The fact that your husband has a problem with it is just that HIS problem.
2007-06-06 14:37:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, there is nothing wrong with keeping your maiden name. I use my maiden name but as an example, I also used it hyphenated, such as Lewis-Jones. (Lewis being the maiden name)
2007-06-06 14:16:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not at all. I keep my maiden name with a proud that i have my whole identity. Hm... but yes, it is better ffrom your husband and also sometimes for you in terms of governmental matters, and also from flirting men.
But, for me, no problem, I can manage it.
2007-06-06 14:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by tresyabedkowska 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The only problem I can see with keeping it is that it could be a red light pointing out that you may not be willing to commit 100% to the marriage. My best friend's wife kept her maiden name when they married. They are now divorced. My wife took my name when we married, and we're still married 20 years later. I'm not saying it's a cause-and-effect relationship; I'm saying that not taking the name may be an indicator that you are unconsciously unwilling to commit totally to the marriage.
2007-06-06 14:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
It's your decision to keep it if you want to. If it's just that you don't want to change documents and things like drivers license and credit cards- that isn't that bad. I got married last year. The hardest part is remembering to take all your proof of who you are to the right places. I am always afraid of losing my birth certificate or my SS card if I have to take them somewhere like the license branch.
If you want to keep it for your own purposes other than that, then it's your choice and surely he can get over it.
2007-06-06 14:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋