Question for US women: Aren't you all hypocrites? Let me give you these scenarios and answer the question.

Question

1) Dealling with the violence--there is a stark difference in our expectations for the genders regarding this. Now I believe I speak for the majority of men when it comes to this. When we're confronted with a violent situation, we're expected to protect and defend ourselves and not cry about it. I'll give a good example for most guys with the school bully. For our little boys we're expected to stand up and fight the bully. If we don't in most cases our parents, either male and/or female, discipline us harshly for not doing so. If you grow up like myself, the last thing your parents will tolerate is 1) not fighting the bully and 2) crying about the situation.

2)Dealing with sexuality--The double standard is reinforced by both sexes in our society. For example, most parents in our country raise their boys to be aggressive sexually or look the other way if they so. However they discipline their daughters harsly for the same behavior.

Given that women are the primary caregivers for the most part and are responsible to a great degree for this. Why do you all complain? The end result is these double standards that have been encouraged by the different ways we collectively socialize the sexes. With this conflict is inevitable. Therefore why don't women promote one standard of behavior at the beginning regarding these issues?

Answer 1

First of all, it's never a good idea to start off addressing a group of people by using insults, such as "hypocrite". That's a good way to alienate your audience and it makes you sound biased.

When it comes to violence, I agree that many men (there are always exceptions) try to teach their sons, grandsons, nephews, brothers, etc. to be aggressive when it comes to defending themselves against bullies. They don't want the child to cry, which will make them look weak. They don't want their child to be mistreated either. This aggressiveness may lead to serious disciplinary action, however. In addition to this, the child who is only trying to defend herself/himself may be labeled a trouble maker or a problem child if he has many incidences of fighting. I personally believe that if any child, male or female, is being harassed, the child should walk away, find an adult and report the bullying. If that doesn't work, they should inform their parents and let the adults handle it. I believe that there are times when fighting can not be avoided, but it should always be a last resort. I was good at ignoring people who bullied me. I made friends with other kids and did not spend time alone. When you're alone, you become an easier target. On those rare occasions when I had to fight, those in authority were on my side because I didn't have a reputation as a trouble maker. I always tried to teach my son not to fight, but he seldom listened to me and gained a reputation as a problem child instead while he was growing up.

Regarding sexuality, I don't know of any mothers who encouraged promiscuity among their daughters or among their sons, for that matter. I do, however know of men who encouraged their sons to be promiscuous in an effort to "sew their wild oats" before settling down. Seems like boys who aren't promiscuous are viewed by other males as being timid, nerdy or sexually inept because they "can't get laid". I believe that is a form of bullying and it's very wrong. Male virginity is shunned even in the media (movies). There is too much pressure from males that is placed on other males to be "players". Many mothers, on the other hand, view things differently. Mothers don't typically encourage early sex among their daughters or sons. I believe mothers and fathers both encourage safe sex if they know their kids will refuse to abstain. However, many kids don't even listen to their parents about safe sex and that is why there are so many unplanned pregnancies and STDs.

Answer 2

First, you have a messed up idea of parenting (or have known some very bad parents) if you think that men or women are teaching any child to be "aggressive sexually" or being disciplined "harshly" for NOT fighting or crying. I don't know who these American parents are (or why the female parent deserves the blame) but it disturbs me that you think this is a majority.

Second, a man being more social accepted for sleeping around while a woman is disrespected is not an indicator of bad parenting in the United States. This double standard has been around for more years then I care to think about and has been part of most societies. If anything women have tried to end this double standard by gaining power, respect and equality.

Answer 3

"All". Just whose concept of "All" are You advancing?
Next thing I know You will be talking about a "Majority of Men" as if You have a right to do so.
How dare You presume to associate Me with Your philosophies!
You, and those of Your ilk, do not speak for Me, any more than you do on behalf of those countess numbers of good, decent, sober, hard working Men whose opinions have not been voiced in this forum.
I would have thought that the real definition of hypocrisy would be for a Man to complain about defending the rights of the weak, the needy, the dispossessed, and those who live in fear, or who have sustained injury at the hands of an aggressor. What have you done for the sake of Humanity?
Like the Great Auk, the Dodo, Woolly Mammoth and Pan American Air lines, You are a creature of another time and place. Look at Your calendar. See where is says, "2007". Well just underneath there should be a notation that reads:
"No Neanderthals need apply". Please vacate the premises.

Answer 4

This is an important question that you ask. But I disagree with some of your premises. First and foremost, there is no agreement on teaching children. There are predominant ideas but these are not that everyone should fight a bully and not complain about him. First, we do not all agree about raising children and the divide is getting wider. This can be witnessed by the proliferation of private schools. Second the predominant theory is that we do not want our children fighting with other children and we do not teach our children to take the law into their own hands. We want the children to report the bully to the teacher, principal, or playground guard or supervisor, and to parents. Playground fighting is dangerous to our children and begets more violence. We want to reduce and end school violence and this is best done by allowing the schools and parents to discipline children by removing them from schools until we can verify that they have had their behavior corrected as much as possible.

About sexuality and aggressiveness. Yes, usually sex only happens when the male takes the initiative because only he knows when he is ready and able. Yet lots of men like women who start the flirting and the relationship. Feminism teaches that women have a place in initiating relationships but it must be with understanding of the need for arousal to occur before performance pressure occurs.

Answer 5

You are making assumptions not based in fact (all women reinforce the sexual double standard),

you are looking at a small part of the big picture and making claims on it (making a lot of stew from one oyster),

you are generalizing from your own experience to all experiences (my son certainly was not expected to fight the bully, and was comforted and validated when he cried about it) and

you are generalizing from some women to all women.

I am not a hypocrite.

"I am the change I want to see in the world".
I hope you meet some different people and widen your viewpoint.

Answer 6

Then what do you say when a child misbehaves because there is not a father figure. That woman are expected to be mothers, fathers, caregivers, full time workers, soccer moms, teachers, independent. Society has many problems and a lot of them can be traced to the home and family unit. But what is there is no family unit. What if dad ran out and made multiple babies with other woman? You can't place blame of societies woes solely on woman. Men have the blame as well.

Answer 7

No, I am not a hypocrite.
You wrote:
"Therefore why don't women promote one standard of behavior at the beginning regarding these issues?"

Changing those hypocritical principles that you list is exactly what today's Feminists are attempting to do.
I am sorry that you were raised to fight and not cry--that is really messed up.
It is also not how I raised my sons. Or my daughters.
If Feminists and other Humanists are trying to change the Status Quo, as you suggest we need to do--why on earth do so many men make opposition to these changes?
It takes both Men and Women to show young people what it means to be a well balanced person.
Good luck

Answer 8

Psssst! It seems to me that you are experiencing a threat to your perceived position of ascribed status presented to males at birth. And well you should. The structure of status is being reconformed, at least in this country. The women's movement is largely responsible for presenting the reality that male and female value is equal but different.
I agree that data collected from male responses to a cross cultural questionnaire that requires honesty and objectivity would be very valuable tool. The assessment and interpretation from the collected data is significantly important for the creation of educational tools which focus on equality not power over.

Answer 9

Not every woman is a hypocrite. In my house, I teach all my kids the same, male or female. I raise my kids to not be babies on the playground, might sound harsh but if they don't learn how to pick themselves up then how can they expect it from someone else? As for the sexuality part. I'm getting my kids steal underwear-even for my son. LOL, I wish, but I won't be treating my son any different than my daughters. That's were all the crap comes from.

Answer 10

I am sorry you had such lousy parents. I can tell you were beaten and otherwise abused, and that the psychological scarring has affected your ability to think logically and clearly at times. Snap out of it: no modern-day parent would dream of encouraging assault (encouraging fighting). School policy is that assaults and other forms of bullying are to be reported. It's not the victim's job to deal with the abuser. In a worst-case scenario criminal charges can be laid - even against the parents, who are legally responsible for the abusers's behavior. Bullying and other forms of abuse are take more seriously these days. The behavior is totally unnacceptable and needs to be stopped dead in its tracks.

Your 'question' is so disjointed and confused that I could only address one aspect. I suggest that you personally should not even consider embracing fatherhood until you have professional mental health care in dealing with your own 'issues'.