If a person is unhappy in their marriage......????

Question

I have been married for almost 5 years now in my second marriage. A lot of things have happened and I find myself unhappy in this. I truly do not feel the love any more. But my husband is a good person and we've had a child together. But is it fair to him or me to stay in a relationship where I feel unhappy and want to move out of it? What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

If you are unhappy leave. Life is too short to be miserable.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear you feel that way about your husband. If you want my honest opinion (and I suppose you do if you are asking the question), I think you are being a little selfish. There is an over 80% divorce rate for second, third, etc. marriages. That isn't very promising. After your first relationship failed, did you spend some time thinking about your part in the relationship? And how you could change it the second time around? Sometimes it is difficult to look deeply within ourselves and analyze our behavior - it is so easy to point the finger elsewhere. Let me ask you something. When you see a couple that has been married for 20, 30, or 40 years, do you think there were times in the relstionship they questioned their feelings? Maybe doubted they loved one another or that they were in love with each other? Of course they did. That is completely normal. A strong, loving marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. It takes work to keep those in love and love feelings alive. I think this is something you really need to evaluate and work on. Try reading Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages - maybe it will help you create the love and spark again for your husband. I would talk to him - tell him how you feel. Maybe you just need to recapture those feelings. If you divorce him, your chances of a third marriage suceeding is slim to none. Work on this marriage with everything you have. Start thinking of him and his happiness, and take the focus off of you for awhile.

Answer 3

I do not know anything about you or your husband. Let me speak plainly and not accusingly.

First, why did you have a child? You should have made sure you were in the marriage for the long haul before bringing children into the mix. Whatever happens the child will be the loser.

Why are you unhappy? Have you put your all into this marriage? Has he put his all into this marriage? If you stay focused on your feelings you will lose focus and you will continue to have one divorce after another.

Perhaps you should try to rekindle your love for him and your child. Seek a good counselor (I prefer Christian). Ask your husband to join you.

Try to express your feeling with your husband. Remember he will most likely blow up (I would). You should be sharing daily so things do not build up like this.

If you do decide to divorce do everyone a favor and really extend the courtship and do not focus on sex but the relationship so you will not find yourself in the outs again.

Answer 4

Hello if you are unhappy you need to be able to communicate that with your husband. You need to tell him what is making you unhappy and see if there is a way you can fix it. Weigh all the pro's and con's and get all the help you can to make it work and if there is no way then hun you need to let it go. Never settle..and not even for a child cause the child will notice your not happy..yes it will hurt you all in the beginning but why keep hurting yourself and family just being together because? In the mean time you may be passing up MR Right.

Answer 5

Did your first marriage end for the same reason? If so, then the problem probably has something to do with how you see your life and yourself. I suggest personal counseling to help you work out the source of yourr unhappiness.

What are your reasons for being unhappy? What would leaving change? I'm not suggesting you stay in a marriage in which you are miserable but think very hard about your reasons because once you say 'I want a divorce' to him there is no going back.

Answer 6

Being honest with yourself, the first thing you must ask yourself is; Did I ever really love him? or was I just looking for a relationship?
Once you have asked those questions, ask this one; How does he feel about you? Is he in love with you? Does it show every time he gazes upon your face?

Those questions must be answered before you can make any real decisions about your relationship. Think carefully about your answers.

Now, do some real soul searching about how your final decision will affect your husband and child.
Always remember, no matter what, be true to yourself.
One other thing. It takes courage to live with another person. We all must give up something to accommodate another person and we must be willing, and honest, to accept the idiosyncrasies involved.
I am not really sure I said that properly but I hope you understand what it means.
Okay! Maybe this will say it better. Love is not all Peaches and Cream. There is fuzz on every peach and you can't let the cream set too long or it goes sour, (Something my mom said when I was a teen.)
I wish you the best and hope my words have helped.
author

Answer 7

What have you done to improve your marriage? Are you just trying to get out of it because marriage takes work and your just lazy? OR are one of you breaking one of the 4 rules? (lying, cheating, hitting, stealing) Frankly, if you ditch and run on this marriage the likelihood of you having a successful 3rd marriage is down to around 25%. (give or take 10 points either way)

Just because you are unhappy isn't nearly a good reason to leave a marriage. If you are willing to put some effort into your marriage then I suggest some marital therapy. I also suggest "The Five Love Languages" book. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

It is normally a communication problem most people have. Sometimes you have to learn new techniques, therapy will help with that. Don't be afraid to admit you need help. There is no shame in it.

Answer 8

You are responsible for your own happiness. Don't expect your husband to make you happy. You say he is a good person. Is the passion gone? Do you not feel like he is your friend any more?

Talk with him about these things and see what the two of you need to do to work on the relationship. If you need to, then go to marital counseling.

Take the time to read some other questions in this section. Most notably the ones that say, "Why do I think about my ex all the time?"

Answer 9

Why do people assume they have to be happy all the time? Why do people think that the first rush of passiontae love should stay forever?

The reality is that most people are only happy some of the time. The reality is that relationships have their ups and downs. Sometimes we feel happy and are passionately in love with our spouses. Sometimes we are only feeling so-so and think of our spouses are more roommates or friends.

You are married to a good man. There is no good reason to throw it away. Try making positive changes in your personal life and in your relationship and I bet you will find that you are happy more often and that you do love the good guy you are married to.

Answer 10

Married 5 years sounds like you are at the cross roads from being "in love" to "loving".

Being in love is about believing that the dream prefect life can happen.
Loving is accepting each other for who you truly are.

I suspect the "unhappiness" is really you thinking you should be happier than you are. Life isn't all roses. If you accept what you have instead of wishing for more you will be happier.

Answer 11

Maybe you've just hit a bump in the road...

Communication is the key here....talk to your husband about how you feel. He may be surprised or, he may be feeling the same way.

Try and find out what's making you so unhappy and see if you can work through it.

Good luck.