What do you do with an ex wife that won't leave your husband alone?

Question

She uses their kids to make him feel guilty about marrying someone else. She doesn't want him anymore, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. We have been married for 2 1/2 years. Does it get any better with time?

Answer 1

It's a difficult and stressful situation....
You need to talk to your husband and communicate with him. Tell him how you feel and don't try to make him feel like it's his fault....You need to act as a team and to present a united front!

He also has to understand that HE HAS to set boundaries and limits...and everyone should respect them. He has to let his ex wife know you are his wife now and that he will back you up. IF he is unwilling or unable to do this, you are in for a lot of heartache...!

Perhaps counseling might help you two deal with the ex better. A professional therapist may give you tips on how to handle her....Hopefully this will get better.
Good luck.

Answer 2

When I was about to get divorced and remarried to a woman with three boys (I have three girls), an experienced woman told me "you are never really divorced until the kids are grown up", and I have found that there is a lot of truth to that.

It depends upon just exactly what the ex-wife is doing. If she is making it difficult for your husband to see the kids, or otherwise arguing over issues involving who sees the kids when, that, unfortunately, is part of the deal, and how it goes depends upon how reasonable people are willing to be.

If she is bothering him about child support or about expenses that he is supposed to be taking care of, she has a right to be unhappy about that, and one must follow the divorce decree carefully unless you want to be arguing with her lawyer instead.

If the issues involve more personal matters, such as the ex-wife sharing her emotional issues with her husband, or meeting, or keeping any secrets between him and her, then it is your husband's job to make sure this activity ceases. Don't directly answer her phone calls but let her leave messages, and if the messages sound crazy, don't listen to them.

Answer 3

she's just upset that he has someone and is married and happy and she hasn't had that happen for her. So she's going to use the kids cause that's the only thing she has to use against him. My opinion is she will leave him alone once she has someone else. She needs to realize that he's happy and she needs to focus on her life and stay out of his. Yes they have kids together but that's it nothing more. When they talk it should only be about the kids not your relationship. So my advice is that your husband should talk to her only about the going on's in their kids life and once she starts talking about your marriage to him he can warn her that he's going to hang up because he doesn't need to talk to her about your relationship cause it doesn't concern her , just the kids do and if she continues to bring it up then he can follow through and hang up and refuse to talk about it with her. Maybe eventually she'll get the hint that he won't put up with it. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

It does get better with time jelousy is something that is hard ot get over. Kill her with kindness..no matter how nasty it seems she is getting with you make and effort to still be nice to her. This way it will become harder for her to be mean to you. Tell your husband to do the same thing as well. As far as the kids go make sure that they do not feel as though they are in the middle. Let the kids know that when ever they want to see thier mom that it is ok and that they do not have to pick inbetween the two.

Answer 5

My husband's ex was doing the same thing last year. Although she left my husband for another man , she was calling us 10 times a day. We never answered her calls but her voice mails were abusive. My husband and I decided to simply file a police report where all her calls were monitored (harrassment charge). I also called her boyfriend at his work ( he had no idea she was doing this--lol) and told him what she was doing. His response was, "I will take care of this". He must have straighten her out cause the calls stopped and we haven't heard from her ever since!!! Deal with the kids legally and not with her.

Answer 6

As his new wife, you have every right (whether they have children or not) to speak your mind. Before you do, I would suggest that you sit down with your husband and tell him that you plan to get involved in the issue. (Assuming you've been silent this whole time - towards the ex-wife, I mean.)

Let him know that if he is not going to put his foot down, you are going to have to, because this is hurting your life. Since you're his wife now, you should be priority # 1, and your feelings should be paramount to hers.

WARNING: It will be rocky at first. You may face a tornado of her emotions and drama. However, it's best to put her in her place now, than wait to be rid of her after these children graduate from high school. I might ask her why she can't leave him alone. I might put her on the spot and ask her what her problem is. She could just be feeling insecure that he moved on, or she may actually still have feelings for him. Whatever it is, she needs to be put in her place soon. It's already out of control if you're posting this question on yahoo, for help.

I feel for you. I truly do.

I'm an ex-wife, and I couldn't care less what my ex-husband does.

However, my new boyfriend has an ex-friend, who is female. They never dated and never slept together, but she has pushed her nose into our relationship constantly, judged me, harassed him for not calling and hanging out anymore, etc. He made it clear, to her, that he didn't want to be friends with her any longer, if all she was going to do was drive us nuts and talk badly about out relationship. She just couldn't seem to get the hint, because he had always "rolled over" and backed down to her in the past.

I finally posted a message to her, on a blog, and she hasn't bothered us since. I'm sure she talks smack about us, but I don't have to deal with it, so I don't care what she does.

I had to put her in her place and let he know that I won't stand for that kind of treatment, towards me or the man I care about. My life is too short to deal with other people's insecurities, issues and drama. My time is much more valuable than that.

Sometimes, it takes a woman to stand up to a woman.

I really wish you all the best in this.

Answer 7

Tell your husband to deal with her only via e-mail as much as possible. If she calls, hand the phone to the kids.

Ignore her.

Your husband has a choice here, lead him in the right direction. Have a short honest conversation with the ex. Explain that her attitiude is toxic, and you will be limiting your contact with her. That should shut her up. Don't ever say anything bad about her in front of the kids. Just let it go.....

Answer 8

Sadly, you got her as part of the package deal when you re-married. It can get better, but only if you all find a way to relate to each other. Try to find empathy for her, (the easiest way is to realize how great your life is compared to hers), that will ease how angry you get about her daily interferences.

My husband has an ex-wife who takes all his money and works periodically to convince her children that he is the devil, which occasionally worked until this year when they turned 17 and 19 and began to see the world as it truly is. I find sympathy for her daily because she never really grew up to take responsibility for herself and lived with a man for many years that she controlled by anger and fear of losing him, not because he loved her. While she is horrible to him now and has hurt all of us, I choose to realize that she is suffering far more than anything she can inflict upon us. The best revenge is living well, and I our happiness causes her far more pain than she can try to inflict on us.

It sounds like you are secure in your marriage, try to be understanding that things will be tougher until the kids are old enough to see things as they really are and make their own decisions. And above all, be happy and loved and confident in that. Take the high road whenever possible, and the kids will recognize that as they grow older (it can seem like it takes forever, but it really does happen).

Good luck to you, I feel for you, I really do.

Answer 9

What makes you think she doesn't want him anymore? If you had some nerd running around hackling you because he had a crush on you, would you be glad if he found someone else so he could leave you alone?

Take away the power you give her by reacting to all her BS about their kids. Next time she says something ........ just exhale!

Answer 10

WOW - am I ever going through the same thing as you - the ex never goes away, but I can better cope with things based on how HE deals with her and how I can support him dealing with her.

He does need to put his foot down & set the boundary as to what is acceptable behavior from her & what is not. If the children are young, you will have to placate the X until the children are old enough to develop their own opinion of their mother's poor behavior - trust me it WILL come back to haunt her & you'll have your day then.

If the children are adults, then it becomes more like my situation and I'm looking for advice myself.