I have been divorced for almost 4 months now and and it was my decision and definitely the right thing to do, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about and missing my ex. I have started seeing someone else whom I care for a great deal and we are moving along slowly and I am very happy but I just can't seem to get thoughts of my ex out of my mind or heart and I am tired of feeling this pain and want to move on. Does anyone have any helpful ideas for my situation?
2007-06-06 05:53:53 · 11 answers · asked by hulagirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do have some really good answers here, I'm going though a divorce too, after a long marriage, we have been apart for two years, it's strange being alone now, but I have a dog and two crazy cats, oh and a daughter who's 22, these things take up most of my time, in a very good way. Enjoy the new person in your life and with time your ex will be just a dot in your brain, I hope but you must let go to move on and you have not let go yet, see a shrink on this, OK!!!!
2007-06-06 06:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think separation anxiety is a strong word for what you are going through. 4 months is not a long time to be divorced, especially if you were married for some time. Divorce is a major life change, your plans change, your daily routine changes, and you don't just stop loving somone because you decide for whatever reason that it won't work. Accept this as part of the process. I'm sorry it is painful for you, but accept that missing him is ok, as long as you stand by the reasons that you left the relationship. It can take time, but if you go one day at a time and let it take its course, you will one day wake up and realize you haven't thought about him at all lately.
It is healthy to have fond memories and to allow yourself to miss the things that you miss about the relationship. Be careful with your new relationship, keep moving slowly and be mindful that you might just not be ready to completely move on yet. Be honest with him, if he can accept where you are in the process and wait it out with you, great, but try to be up front with him so that you both don't get hurt more in this process.
2007-06-06 13:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by Breanna C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never completed the greiving portion of your loss. A divorce is like a death - no matter if it was the right choice or not - something you once wanted so deeply with someone is gone - go through the stages, give yourself time and taking things slow is a good thing. Don't be preassured into rushing things, but at the same time - don't unitentionally strong someone else along.
Remember once you are ready - you'll know - trust yourself and how you feel & NEVER SETTLE!
2007-06-06 13:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you made a mistake getting a divorce. If not sure what he did but I do see a lot of people who expect the grass to be much greener after a divorce only to realize that most of the dating scene, especially for people 35-40, is mostly weeds and posion ivy.
Give your ex a call......
2007-06-06 13:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by Steve J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definately. Try to stay happy, allow yourself these feelings. You will most likely think of you ex your whole life, the pain will decrease in time. Try to remove all physical reminders of your ex such as photos or letters. Corny but in this case it's true that time will heal your wounds. Good luck to you.
2007-06-06 13:03:09 · answer #5 · answered by mountain mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are hanging on for your own reason(s). When you figure that out, you'll better be able to allow yourself to let go and move on.
Until you let go, you are doing a disservice to the current person you are dating. Would you want to be with someone, knowing their thoughts were often with their ex?
2007-06-06 12:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we are what we have learned to become, you were together 24/7 even if not together, a divorce or seperation is touch esp as you do things that you might have done together ( I have been divorced twice) you always love them in some way,, and always think about things, seems like forever and you dont want them to pop into your head anymore, but they always do,, you get used to it,, esp if you liked something they did,
2007-06-06 12:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not ready to be dating anyone else.
Your mind is still on your ex, and you're setting this other person up for be your rebound-guy, and hurting him.
Having been there, done that, my advice is not to form a relationship for at least a year or two.
You need to get over your ex, rediscover who you are, and become mentally healthy and whole before you can be a part of someone else's life.
2007-06-06 12:57:45 · answer #8 · answered by gromit801 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yes very much, it will pass but only in time unless you are obsessed, my mom was obsessed with my dad, she was a nut,, 40 years later she was still bitter about the divorce,, sad really,
2007-06-06 12:56:30 · answer #9 · answered by hi there 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, I'm a guy and two shrinks claim I am Borderline Personality Disorder.
2007-06-06 12:57:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋