Should I leave him?

Question

I am married with three children and have been having serious problems with my marriage. I guess it really started two years ago where my husband left me and my children so he could figure things out; he refused to tell me where he was, openened a PO box, and started to move his paycheck to another account. This situation would have left me high and dry as I was a housewife at the time and would have no way to support our family. So I stayed by my phone any waited for his calls so I could beg him to come home. A week later he came home and I found out that he was receiving letters from a girl he met while on duty. These letters talked about him visiting her and how much she loved him. Never really seeing what he had done was wrong, I eventually forgave him. Little did I know, last month (the day before mother's day), I relived the same thing all over again; my daughter told me that while I was at school, he was looking at women on sites such as match.com.

I looked in the history of his laptop to find various women that he had been looking at as well as divorce articles and checking account information. When I calmly confronted him, he implied that my daughter was lying and I was wrong for not trusting him. Eventually he admitted that he was mad at me and didn't plan to cheat on me. So now I feel like I can't trust him and just waiting for him to drop all of his responsiblity to his family and leave. Should I just forgive him or should I leave him before he leaves me?

Answer 1

You need to be proactive and look out for the best interest of your and your daughter. Your already aware of his intentions and history, so all of the signs are telling you to prepare to leave. Its obvious to you that he has no intentions of being with you much longer and is only covering his tracks to your face. Your daughter has no reason to lie on him and you finding the evidence only proves him to be the actual liar. You should take action before you end up right back in the same hopeless situation as before. Even if you do decide not to leave him, things have to change. Your gonna really have to be firm about opening up the lines of communication and him being honest from now on. You two need a sincere understanding of what you both are unhappy with and what needs to change on both of your parts for this to work out. In the end, you can't make someone stay who doesn't want to be there. Don't ignore the signs and trust your first mind. Best wishes.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear this, get your self a good lawyer now and get the show on the road, you might have to move in with someone to make ends meet something to think about, money is another thing, I take it you do not work, and raising kids is not cheep and either are the lawyers, best thing for you to do right now and do not put it off any longer look in a phone book and find three lawyers that will give you a free consolation make out your notes to ask him or her, figure out which of the lawyers you feel comfortable with and what they charge, and how close the lawyers are to your home, call your parents and ask can you move back home with the kids, start putting aside money.

Answer 3

It seem that he is not happy in this relationship if he is looking else where. You should ask him to go to a marriage consular with you. I think you are afraid to take this to the next level and leave him, you are afraid of changes. I know there may be a lot of worries for you such as, how will you provide for your kids, can you make it on your own. Family and friends will help you out, so, tell them what is going on. You will never be happy if you forgive him again. You will always worry when he goes out, talk on the phone or when he is on the computer. Fix this now! I hope all will be well for you.

Answer 4

One get a better handle on the finances. Try to find out how many accounts there actually are. Starting preparing yourself either to be on your own or for him to leave. That means knowing your rights to the house, insuring he is paying the mortgage and the insurance. Next start looking for work if you arent already working. Put together an emergency plan in case he sells the house out from under you or allows it to go back to the bank. Talk with family quietly (usually mom but I dont know what your relationship is with her). The next person you have to talk to is a lawyer. Protect you and your kids as much as possible

Answer 5

First, get a job so that you can support you family this time and not be waiting by the phone by you need him to come home and pay bills.
Second, tell him that you are not stupid. You saw the history on the computer and you KNOW what he has been doing and you are tired of his treatment and shadiness!
Im pretty sure after that, he will leave.
Change the locks and file for divorce. You deserve better and you KNOW it!

Answer 6

No. What you do is get a print out of his matching activity and love letters and so on. Then when he files for divorce, and pays the filing fees, you have some evidence to back yourself up.
I noticed that you are in school, congrats.
Also, if he as on duty, then he is in the service. Did you know that servicemen/women can get jail time for this kind of stuff? He is responsible for you and your kids and can't, by military law, leave you high and dry. Good luck girl.

Answer 7

That is hard to say as you are married and have children involved. Divorce is not fun. However, if a partner is not faithful and does not want to be in the marriage, there isnt much you can do but protect yourself.

First try some marriage counseling, if he is willing. Seek some advice from friends or family as they would know more than we do here.

Answer 8

Time for you to know where all the money is and where it all is going, and to keep stashing some somewhere where he won't find it
Follow the money trail...it always shows what is up.
Put keylogger on his computer. He'll never know it is there.
Hire private detective if he is planning on seeing someone that he found on the internet
Document everything, money, and what he's been up to
Hire lawyer
Take him to the cleaners, maximum child support, you keep his equity until children are 18, and he pays alimony.
One day after you've healed, find honest guy that respects, loves, cherishes, gives, has strong morals and has dignity.

Answer 9

I think you need to figure that out for yourself. NO stranger here can tell you what to do about your marriage. I can however give you advice.

I think you should try to see a marriage counseler. Trust is a huge issue in a marriage and if you can't trust each other, what do you have?

It is possible to work on the marriage but it may take some outside help.

Good luck and I hope it helps!

Answer 10

Gosh, Missy, that is a really hard thing. You better plan on going, from the sound of it. The guy is going to move on eventually, and it doesn't sound like the responsibility of his own children is going to stop him. So plan ahead. See a lawyer. And move in with relatives until you can get on your feet financially. I am sorry to have to say that. But I think you better plan for a life without this guy. But see the lawyer for sure. You might have to have a life without him, but you certainly don't have to have a life for the sake of your children without his money.