What do you do after you have gotten a divorce?

Question

I am 53 years old and getting a divorce from my husband, who cheated on me. The truth is, even though I still have my daughter, the thought of her growing up and leaving me on my own terrifies me. Am I too old to fall in love again?

Answer 1

You are NEVER too old to fall in love again!

You've been dealt quite a blow to the self esteem, with a cad husband that left you for another woman. What he chose to do does NOT reflect how lovable you are. It only shows what a bad husband he was/is.

The woman that he is now with is a stupid fool. Any man who leaves his wife for another woman will leave that woman for someone else, eventually.

Please don't let this destroy your life.
You need to work on regaining your confidence, so that when your daughter does grow up and leave home, you won't be in terror and feel so alone.

I recommend meeting new men and dating. Don't overlook dating younger men!! Younger men are fun, have more energy than older men, and aren't bitter-as some older men get bitter by feeling 'screwed' by life. Also, sex with a younger man is better!!
Many younger men love dating a woman older than they are - Older women usually have established lives and homes, don't play into the drama that younger women thrive on, are more mature, have less sexual hang-ups, and can draw on their life experiences to make good choices.

The feelings you have right now must be honored and dealt with. Grieve the loss that you feel, but don't become stuck on it for the rest of your life. Get support from good friends, but don't lean so heavily on them that they eventually burn out. Don't give in to drinking, it only makes things worse. Find a good counselor that you can work with to help you through the difficult first year. Be sure that your daughter doesn't get overlooked - she is probably having her own difficulties with the changes in her life, too.
Don't talk negatively about your ex-husband or his lover to your daughter - she is still going to have to have a relationship with him and her. Any negative or bitter remarks by you will only make her feel more conflicted, and it makes you look bad in the long run.

53 is not OLD! Many women your age have started their lives over, and you can, too! Treat yourself well, and be gentle and kind to yourself. Do nice things for yourself, and keep active socially.
When you are ready to date, make a list of all the qualities that you want in a partner, and believe that life will bring you someone very special that has all the qualities that you listed!

There is a wonderful future out there for you - get out there and make it happen!

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 2

You are certainly not too old to fall in love again. Love doesn't have an age limit.

I got divorced at 33. And then I took a year to get to know myself again. Spent eight months working with a really good therapist and just took time to figure out who I was outside of a relationship. And then one day I woke up and thought, it's time. By the end of the week, I had a date.

I'm 36 now and I'm single, but I'm happy. The life I have is not the life most people want, but it's the life I want and I think that's what really matters.

So give yourself some time, figure out what you want and then go search out your happiness. I expect you'll be pleasantly surprised when you find it!

Best wishes!

Answer 3

Ok, first the man you married is a bum, thank god you had sense to leave him. He will find guilt later in his life and one day want you back. they all do! Your daughter will come back from time to time to visit. Let her know that, the door is always open for her. get out with your friends, co-workers, church, If you don't work or go to church, start going to church, and volunteer some place. You will make friends. You are never too old to fall in love again. Be a big sister to a child that doesn't have a mother. That would really fill your time and if your daughter is moving out on her own or to another city. Good luck. I have been divorced for a while. I'm 51

Answer 4

Dear Babara, Love has no age limit and I am sure that if you have brought your daughter up properly, she will not leave you on your own, remember one day she will have children and your be a grandmother who will see such beautiful children and a happy daughter. I'm sure you won't be left on your own for to long. As for falling in love again, why not, your only as old as you feel. Give yourself some time to get over this situation and then put on your make up and get out there and live life to its fullest. Be careful that you don't misjudge love with wanting someone because your lonely. that would be a bad scenario, Take your time and find the right one. Good luck Babara

Answer 5

I have been through a divorce and it isn't very nice as you are probably well aware.
My wife of eight years went to work one day and never cam e back. I never got a goodbye or any proper closure at the time. It appeared she was seeing someone she worked with who was old enough to be her dad.
The thing you must do is look to the future and don't assume all people will let you down. Since my divorce in 1996 (when I was 32) I have since met another lady we were married in 2002 and now have a lovely little boy.
Every cloud...yes it's true. And no you are never too old to be happy. Take control...be in charge of your life.

Answer 6

1) Move into quaint apartment in lively downtown and get out and meet people
2) Throw out your old wardrobe and go vintage
3) Buy Winnebago and travel the country for six months. Maybe just to enjoy the scenery, maybe to think of moving someplace better
4)Take a month and see the best of Europe
5) Join book club
6) Do some kind of charity work
7)Paint or write or buy that piano
8)Stay single for awhile and enjoy several boyfriends (one who might be young and can last all night)
9)Buy that little house on that lake you've always loved
10)Decorate your new place as you alone would like it to be cheaply with antique stores and resale shops
11)Never again watch a tv program you're not interested in
12) You choose the radio station, everytime!
13)Never sleep with a snorer again
14)Nobody steals your covers unless you want them to
15)Cut your hair anyway you want, maybe even go red
16)Start fast walking through a beautiful park area several days a week
17)New hobbies...photography, writing, painting, sculpture, the violin...the possibilities are endless!
18)Only cook if you feel like it, and then it's a fine pasta primavera with top of the line cheese...
19)Join a wine tasting club
20)Go back to school and take only classes that interest you part-time, one night a week
21)you fill in this blank
Stay single until you've accomplished some personal goals, and then, when you're confident-- he's going to come along...somebody worthy of you.

Answer 7

Re invent yourself!

You will have freedom. Freedom of thought, of eating when you want to, going where you want to and with whom you want!

A loving relationship is great but you have put in your time as wife and mother. Remember who you were before you became those two things?

Well that young woman is still there waiting to be free again. Take the air under your wings and fly lovely lady!

Maybe you will find a soul mate up there in the clouds but don't rush it, take time to be you again.

Life is short and you can only live it once! Besides... think of all the tales your future grandchildren will be able to tell of you growing old disgracefully!

Answer 8

oh Barbara, you sound like my old granny LOL. no, you are not too old to love again, i am 55 and for the last 5 years i have had a brilliant time, 2 of my friends, both ladies are older than you and they have never looked back. i am a guy and i thought that life had ended for me as far as love and romance was concerned, i couldn't have been more wrong. the one thing that i do advise you to do is to take a good hard look at your life, work out how things could improve now that you don't have your husband around, then make those improvements, make the changes work for you. take care and good luck.

Answer 9

Your not too old for anything especially falling in love again. Take up a hobby and have fun. Divorce is not nor should it be looked upon as the end of your life..its a new beginning and I applaud you for divorcing the cheating loser.

Answer 10

Of course not, but the main objective at this point is to watch out for the predators that will always be present. Be careful who you trust, ensure you give yourself enough time to really get to know any new person you date well, run like the wind if a guy tries to initiate a sexual relationship too soon after you start dating, and give yourself time to heal. The 'empty nest' syndrome will eventually hit, but you'll learn to love the freedom and independene that being on your own provides. One step at a time my friend. Good Luck