My wife left me 8 months ago and I was/am devistated. Is it normal to feel like I will never have someone like that again? Is it normal to feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life? Anybody who can share their experience? Thanks!
2007-06-06 04:35:13 · 19 answers · asked by fedup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Absolutely normal. Like the other answerers have said, the stages of grief you go through when you lose a spouse to divorce are similar to those experienced when a spouse dies. Expect denial, anger, depression, guilt, and bargaining, among others.
I work as a marriage/family counselor, and this is very common. I would recommend you find a strong support system. Family, friends, a church, support group, counseling, whatever. All of these can help you.
As far as finding someone again, chances are strongly in your favor you will find someone to share your life with again. You are clearly not ready to date, but comfort yourself in knowing you were the best husband you could be and you tried to work on your marriage and would have made it work had you been given the chance. Realize your ex wife made her own decision, and now you have to determine how you will let that affect you. Try and learn from things you want to do differently the next time around.
Good luck to you.
2007-06-06 04:44:29 · answer #1 · answered by Yogi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's absolutely normal. You are greiving the loss of something you thought you had and very much wanted. Your feelings can never be wrong. What you will go through over the next days, weeks and months consist of greiving a loss, self doubt, anger and hopefully at that point you'll allow your anger to drive you into a state of acceptance and then determination. Allow it and be okay with it - what you must not let it do is cause you to get stuck in the self doubt stage. If you need help - get some - that's okay too - no-one is superhuman though it seems it at times especially when you are the one who is down - but trust me - you are worthy! Simply because you are a decent human being. Prayer often helps if your not afraid of religon (no matter the creeed).
Just remember that once another person comes into your life - allow them join you, not override you and do yourself a favor and NEVER SETTLE!
2007-06-06 11:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Afraid so. The pain does get less after a while but still after years things will trigger a strong emotion of regret. Even a new relationship doesn't make the pain go away.
My current wife can say something quite innocently which will generate pain at the loss of my first wife. It isn't that I want the first one back or that I love the current one any the less but you cannot loose 20 years of your life without some scaring.
2007-06-06 11:45:27 · answer #3 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be normal cause I still feel that way and it has been longer for me. I dunno about you but I miss sharing the day ins and outs of life with someone and feeling needed. I dont have any kids so it is just as hard. I do have a pet so that helps. As for feeling alone and wondering if I will be alone the rest of my life.. well I have felt that way but that is where God will fill that void cause no one on this earth can. If you need to talk just let me know. Good Luck!
2007-06-06 11:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by lovestarved 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's normal. The question is will you be normal if you keep dwelling on this??
You haven't moved on that's why you can't get over her. Get out and start doing things to meet someone else and get your mind off of her! You don't have to make a huge commitment with anyone just date and have fun! Live a little!
The who, why, what ifs are over now. It's hard I know but you can get through it! While you are waisting your time grieving some hot, caring, smart, honest woman is waiting for someone like you to come along!
Most couples stay together and continuously fight over their issues instead of doing what's best.. that can do more damage then the actual pain from splitting up.
Remember to get your mind off of someone or something you have to trick your mind and keep it busy with other activities!
If no one else is there for you remember we (normal) people here on Yahoo Q's are always here for you!
I wish you the best of luck and happiness always! :0)
2007-06-06 11:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by ~Kim~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel like that because you're grieving for the loss. You may feel like you're going to be alone for the rest of your life, but it won't happen. I felt very much the same way after my divorce, and have found someone truly special. "That too shall pass". Give it some time. Good Luck!
2007-06-06 11:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's normal. People experience a variety of reactions to a divorce even if they are the ones that wanted to leave the marriage. It takes time to heal. It takes time to get your self confidence back. It's important that you be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend in a similar situation. Rome wasn't built in a day. You'll eventually wake up one morning and embrace the freedom that is now yours to enjoy. Life will once again be worthwhile. Give yourself time to heal.
2007-06-06 11:42:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure these feelings are normal. When I left my ex husband he swore it was the end of the world and that he would rather be dead than to not be with me. Well you know what he got on with his life after a year or so of doing everything in his power to convince me to come back but he is doing great now and we actually have a functional relationship regarding our child.
2007-06-06 11:40:23 · answer #8 · answered by mrsknowitall 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal but you have to open yourself to the possibility. Even though it has been eight months, you are still griving because you love her and probably didn't expect to be in this situation. Guess what? You will eventually move on and find someone if that is what you want. Don't rush things though. You don't want to carry baggage into a new relationship.
2007-06-06 12:27:37 · answer #9 · answered by MeMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce.
It's never easy, and it does take time. I think it's totally normal to feel that way. I divorced my alcoholic ex and still feel like I'll never find someone.
The good news is that the feelings pass and you'll feel better, but it does take some time.
Good luck!
2007-06-06 11:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋