How do you get over an act of betrayal?

Question

We have come back together after 9 months of seperation and she has told me that she cheated the night we seperated. I want her in my life but feel betrayed and can not get past it.

Answer 1

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to let go. You'll always be worrying about if she's cheating on you again. I don't think you want to beat yourself up every night so I'd say cut loose.

Answer 2

I can see why that would be hurtful. But consider whether you would have known about the so called 'indescretion' if she had not confessed. There is no excuse for infidelity, but it sounds like you guys had seperated when this occurred. In that case, she was probably lonely and hurting. Many people attempt to fill the void of losing a boyfriend/girlfriend by sleeping with someone else. If that is the only instance of unfaithfulness I think I'd try to deal with it if I really cared about the girl. Tell her you appreciate her honesty, that you want to be a couple again, and that you expect her to be faithful. Did you sleep with someone else during this period as well? And if you had would you consider that to be a betrayal? Examine whether trust issues do actually exist in your relatonship at this point. Are there other reasons for concern? If not, you need to let her know you are having trouble accepting what happened and need her help in re-establishing the trust. Good Luck

Answer 3

Well first did you catch her or did she just tell you? The fact that you were separated says that she was hurt and lashed out, but technically you were separated so she didn't cheat on you.

I know we are splitting hairs here, but if she is a quality person and she truly loves you and you her, then try and put it behind you and move on. If she ever cheats on you while you are together then that is a no brainer. Leave her and never look back! Good luck honey, I know there is never an easy solution when it comes to the heart!

Answer 4

well, you have to think about this ... if she cheated THE NIGHT OF it was probably out of impulse. she was hurt, and needed to comforted. DON'T GET ME WRONG ... not that that makes it right, but it just shows that she didn't do it to hurt you or because she had feelings for this person, necessarily.

also, you'll never get past it if you don't forgive her. part of forgiveness is forgetting. now, what this means is, not that you'll literally forget, because you naturally can't, but that you will not ever bring it up again or throw it in her face. you have to put it away in a place that will be unreachable so as not to hurt yourself anymore or her. if she is genuinely sorry and you can see the remorse, and you both want to try to work it out, then you have to forgive AND forget. it's this type of forgiveness that the Bible speaks about, and it is this type of forgiveness you must give if you expect it to work this time.

it will not be easy, and it will certainly take time, but what you have to ask yourself is, is it worth it? if it is ... if she is ... then do it. you will see that in time, you will be "over it" in the sense that you will learn to trust her (remember, again, she didn't cheat while she was with you and likely the situation that night pushed her to do it, and the fact that she was honest when she didn't have to be shows she loves you).

i wish you both the best.

Answer 5

You have to figure out if you can forgive and forget. Easier said than done, I know! But, if this is something that's always going to be between you, and something you don't think you can get over, then I'd suggest you to move on. I think it all depends on YOU...you may become resentful, overbearing, and suspicious, and that is no way to live. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Answer 6

You have to rebuild trust, which can take a while. she took the first step by telling you about it. Give it lots of time and communicate about where you are in the healing process and what you need from her to continue along in that process. If at any time you realize that you can never fully forgive and let this go, you must set her and yourself free.

Answer 7

How could she cheat if you were separated? She prob just wanted some comfort and you were not there so she turned to someone else. Really it is none of your business since you had broken it off. MYOB is the thing here. She DID NOT cheat she wanted comfort and she got. One mans garbage is another mans treasure as the saying goes.

Answer 8

At least she waited until you were separated.

If you think you two have both grown, matured, and learned from your separation then it might be worth another shot. In my experience, however, when my relationship with my ex-boyfriend (who cheated on me 1 year into the 4 year relationship) ended, I promised myself I would never ever tolerate infidelity. It only RUINED our future and made us both jealous, lying, suspicious, unhappy people.

Answer 9

I could never get over it. I probably couldn't even live with it.
It's good that you seem to want to try but it won't happen unless you change who you are and how you think.
She thrust this upon you and now when you look at her you think about them together all the time.
Sorry to say it but to me it's time to move on.

Answer 10

if you really love eachother, it will work out. I'm sure it will take some time though. Just make sure you don't make her feel too guilty, it might drive her away. Try counseling? I would suggest try going to church together, and maybe talking to the pastor. I wish you the best!