What do you do when your boyfriend won't pop the question?

Question

I understand we all are different people with differnt values and experience. But I am not exactly considered very young and inexperienced anymore. He and I are both almost thirty. I am at a point in my life where I need to know where things are going. I don't want to waste my time. Life is too short... I have already discussed this with him, and he accuses me of "threatening" him. I understand it takes some planning to get married at the right time; but he won't even engage with me.
We have been together for a couple of years now. What should I do???

Answer 1

Drop the bomb on him.

"look, do you want to get married?"

Answer 2

Shotgun weddings were so centuries ago. If you want your boyfriend to pop the question the absolute worst thing you could do is to nag him and pressure him like you are. A marriage takes two people and although you are ready do you really want to enter in a marriage where the other person isn't quite ready? It's a surprise to me why most marriages end in divorce (sarcasm intended). The truth of the matter is you have three options you can 1) leave, break-up, 2) wait until your boyfriend is ready for marriage and proposes or 3) ask him to marry you.
Either way you can decide what's best for you, however realize that what's best for you does not detail or determine what's best for him. You're basically ensuring that he questions the relationship and the future marriage more when you act like that. After all wouldn't you want a woman/man who was understanding, patient, and empathetic? By "threatening" him you are showing exactly the opposite of those endearing qualities.

Lastly, Future Cat Woman, your response validates the fact that you will be an old lonely lady with only her cats to keep her company, good luck with that.

Answer 3

Perhaps it's the approach you're taking when you talk about this. I can understand your feelings and I can agree with you. What's not clear in this question is why he hesitates.

Instead of pushing the marriage question, why not try to get him to explain why he's not interested in being married at the moment. Maybe he's afraid of not being able to make you happy or perhaps of committing to a marriage. Perhaps he's afraid of having children. If it's fear and you can understand it, you might be able to help him find the courage.

Another question that comes to mind is what's wrong with you? I don't mean to suggest anything is wrong with you but at the same time there may be something about you that is inhibiting him from wanting to tie the knot. Perhaps ask him what's wrong with you, what it is about you that makes him hesitate to build a life with you.

And if that doesn't work I guess the only other option is to explain to him that you're getting older and want or need to start a family and that if he can't do that for whatever reason you have a serious problem. Don't express this as a threat or an "either/or" scenario, present it instead as one of your dreams and as a current problem. Ask him what he thinks you should do to fulfil your important urgent dream. You may not like the answer you get from that question but at least you'll know where you stand and what you need to do next. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Why don't you pop the question to him? If he says no, you'll know where you're at, whether you like it or not. But the more you try to force him into it, the more likely you are to not marry this guy. This decision is on YOU. If he's not willing to commit and you need it now or very soon, you're going to have to tell him that, and if he can't accept it, you're gonna have to move on and start over. But don't make the mistake of thinking you can change his mind. Guys are only ready when they're ready when it comes to marriage. But, if he's a smart guy and does love you, hopefully he'll realize he's going to lose you otherwise and will think a little harder.

Answer 5

You should ask yourself these questions:

"Do I really love him? How long am I willing to wait for this man?"

The fact of the matter is this; You cannot force a man to propose. Once you accept that, you can start planning for the future.

You can't really say why a man won't propose. In my case, I didn't want to end up like my parents. Odds are he has some reason too. I'm married now and very happy, but it needed to happen when I was ready, not when the pressure from her got too great.

If you are unwilling to wait for this. You need to leave him and move on for your sake.

Answer 6

Genie if you are ready and he isn't, you can't make him be ready. All you can do is continue to wait and if you can't do that - and i don't blame you, because I personally wouldn't wait any longer - then you have to move on and find someone who is equally minded and ready for what you want. You have to remember that guys mature slower than women. SO if you are both let's just say an even 30, then he's still somewhere around 25 - 25 in his thinking. And the one thing I know for certain, like I know my name, if a man isn't ready then there is NOTHING you can do to change that. You can push and push and he won't budge - and if he does budge - it will be in the opposite direction. So take care of you, do what's best for you. Besides, do you really want to marry a man who isn't ready for marriage? What kind of husband would he be? Good luck.

Answer 7

Pushing him will only have the complety opossite effect on him: the more you push for marriage, the more he will withdraw from the topic.

Becoming desperate and acting desperate will not help your case. You cannot convice him that marriage is a good idea by giving him ultimatums, nagging and putting him on the spot, trust me.

I kinda was in the same situation as you, until I saw what I was doing wrong. It was the approach that I was using.

I suggest for you to change your strategy. I did and it worked.

I suggest a book, it's infalible!

"Catch him and keep him" by Christian Carter. this book is so awesome that he should be in the witness protection program! This book is available on amazon.com or you can buy the e-version too at www.catchhimandkeephim.com. You can sign up for his free newsltters, they are very enlighteing and informational. It really has changed my life and my relationship!

I hope I helped
Good luck

Answer 8

Hard to say exactly what your position is here as you do not give very many details. His comment about "threatening" remarks tells me he is defensive. If you are shacked up with him it is time to get separate digs. It is also time to start spending more time with your friends. Don't sleep with him every time you see him. You need to find out if he is just using you as an arm ornament or for easy accessible sex. Don't threaten him with these changes in behavior, just do them. Either he will find a new chick to jump to his rules or he will discover that he misses you out of his life and doesn't want to live without you.

Answer 9

Don't pressure him. You can't make someone ask you to marry them. It can cause too much resentment. Besides, do you want to be married to someone who asked you just because YOU wanted them to? I'd wait until the proposal was genuine.

If you feel that strongly about it, then maybe a different discussion is in order... why is he so unwilling to ask you? Is he planning on doing it, but just doesn't feel ready? Try to be open to his answers.

Good luck!

Answer 10

You can't force him if he isn't ready. If you are ready to settle down dump him and look for someone else. Then it won't be just a threat. The fact that you are asking this question, means you already know that. There is a saying: If you love him, set him free. If he comes back it was meant to be.

Answer 11

This is a common situation. If he doesn't want to get married, or gets defensive when you ask him, don't beg! You don't want to give him ultimatums and force him into marrying you, that's no fun and will lead to resentment! You have a right to go for what you want, and he does as well. If he can't give you what you want, then I suggest move on! Best of luck.