“Just a note that I wrote”
Just a note
That I wrote.
I think you’re an okay guy,
Even though you may just be shy.
I know you’re really nice,
So I have broken the ice.
I wanted to drop this note by,
Just my way of saying hi.
We should totally hang out,
For sure, and with out any doubts.
Can you tell me if this is true,
Do you like me, do you?
Don’t conceal,
Just reveal.
Tell me what is on your mind,
What you tell me is just fine.
Maybe I can see what is in your heart,
Your life and world, I could be apart of
I hope you like the way I write,
‘Cause poetry is my delight.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
2007-06-06 03:45:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
It is very nice and well written.
2007-06-06 03:48:08 · answer #1 · answered by Caleb's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not tooo bad but it is a bit sing songy (is that a word). I would like it better if it were split into 4's and not 2's. The subject matter jumps around a lot with the 2's. Granted the overal subject stays the same but with 4's you could be more in depth.
2007-06-06 03:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by bushnellparty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice
2007-06-06 03:48:56 · answer #3 · answered by HotGuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. This sounds advise. i are not getting why somebody could punish somebody for falling in love with them. If i did no longer want to be with a individual or i did no longer like a individual for despite reason, then i does no longer be with him. i does no longer get with him and then make him go through. i've got self assurance in being straight forward with human beings, enormously in romantic relationships whilst a lot is at stake.
2016-10-06 23:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very well written, except for one part.
:::
Maybe I can see what is in your heart,
Your life and world, I could be apart of
:::
Because the last part says "of", I think you should change it to
:::
Maybe I can see what is in your heart,
Your life and world, of which, I could be apart.
:::
I hope this helps you. You're very talented. =] Good luck in the future. =]
2007-06-06 03:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very cute. It's a bit childlike, but it works. I'd look it over and try to de-simplify it a little, but I like it.
2007-06-07 06:26:42 · answer #6 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it but i think the line what you tell me is just fine should be changed, to something like tell me what is on your mind, truly a path i would like to find , because you are talking about getting in his mind
2007-06-06 03:52:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice poem! Have you dedicated this to a special someone?
2007-06-06 03:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by b4christmaseve_mybday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good. I would change the one part to:
"Of your life and world, I could be a part."
2007-06-06 03:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by Cris O 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is a very good poem. if you actually wrote it for someone special i think they would just melt to read it.
2007-06-06 03:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋