I have a 21 y/o son who doesn't seem motivated to get a job. My son and his girlfriend are living in our house which I do not mind. His girlfriend has a job but doesn't work everyday, so I don't know what is going there. I know they want to move out but he doesn't seem to realize that one needs a job to do it. He has worked in the past but then he will just quit. No 2 week notice. His excuse is that the "managers don't like me" "they are talking crap about me" that kind of stuff. He won't talk to them and see what is going on or if there is something he should be doing that he isn't doing. He has hurt his back shortly after graduating from high school and affects him. I just don't know what to do. I guess things would have been ok financially if I hadn't gotten ill and being unable to work and now on disability things would be ok. My husband and myself are about to ring his neck. I really could use some help.
2007-06-06 02:50:15 · 13 answers · asked by mhoct28 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
cut him off. give no money, let him get his own gorceries. have him pay room and board, give him house work. bd
2007-06-06 02:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like either your son is just plain lazy, or there is really something that he does not like in terms of work, maybe meeting new people or job interviews, for example. As for 'the managers don't like me', well I sometimes find them a little ignorant or arrogant, but as long as he stays in line there's no reason why they shouldn't not like him. Maybe lay things on the line and stand up to him, tell him that he needs to get a job in order to help financial matters for everyone else. Whether he's workshy or lazy, he can't sit around on his backside for the rest of his life doing nothing, so do everyone a favour and get him into a job!
2007-06-06 09:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by Mr X 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your son is taking advantage of you and his girlfriend. He might feel that if his girlfriend is working why should he.
I would tell them that their free ride is over and they need to find a place of their own. You and your husband need to take your house back and make your son realize he's 21 and it's time to grow up and be responsible for himself.
I don't know the entire story of why you let the girlfriend move into your home, but I wouldn't have let that happen. Make them choose to move out and have a life of their own. If they don't want to, the girlfriend will have to leave.
2007-06-06 09:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by sandraclause 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mary,
It's called tough love. I know you say you "don't mind" them living with you, but you're not doing them any favors by enabling them. If you tell them to move out and give them a date to be out by they will find a way to get out. They may end up mooching off of someone else for awhile but that will get old too. Sooner or later their friends will have enough of their shenanigans and they will have to get off their duffs and start acting like grown ups which they are. Quit enabling them Mary. Why should they get steady jobs if they have a roof over their heads and food to eat?
2007-06-06 11:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would probbably just try to find out what he likes doing and take it from there, chances are if he hates the job he isn't going to want to do it. It is hard i do understand what you are going through and i cant imagine your frustration but the more you push him and argue with him about it the more he will be against getting a job, try talking with him if you havent already and find his intrests then take it from there.
hope this helps
2007-06-06 09:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Dan X 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is 21 and his girlfriend is living in your house and you are not charging them proper rent and food bills etc you need to start where does he get his money ??
if you give him money stop and give him a deadline of say six months to find a job then another six months too move out of your house
hes a grown up now and despite any problems can provide for himself throw him out if you have too he` ll soon get a job and keep it you dont need this and he shoud not expect you too keep him and his girlfriend at his age
2007-06-06 10:03:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him 30 days to get a job and keep it or he is out of your house . stop enabling him to treat you like this . He knows he can do this and you are okay with it . You need to be firm and tell him 30 days and if he does not do it then find him and help him find another place to live .That is bullcrap he is pulling .
2007-06-06 09:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should not be okay with you for them to live in your hose without him working. AT 21, if he is not in school, you should charge him normal rent. Stop making excuses for him; youare not helping him grow up, which is your job as a parent.
2007-06-06 09:54:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If my parents were letting me live in their house for free, I wouldn't get a job either. He has no reason to, therefore you are enabling him. If you want him to start paying you rent, tell him so and he'll have no choice but to get a job.
2007-06-06 09:55:28 · answer #9 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont allow him to be a mummys boy. TELL HIM you will kick him out if he doesnt get a job. He needs to take some responsibility instead of sponging off you. You are allowing it. Get tough.
2007-06-06 09:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by Aussie 1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you give them two mos for him to get job and for them to start putting money down for you and for food or out. that is simple and you are not putting up with this life any more. you are done raising this child. hes probably doing drugs or somethign and you didnt' mention but surely you do know. its drinking or drugs and they are paying highly for that.
2007-06-10 01:23:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋