opinions please,tell me what you think?

Question

i'm married and have been talking to and have had lunch 3 times with a man who's married.last week he called me and asked me if i would like to have lunch , and yestarday i asked him and treated him to lunch. i feel we have a great connection verbally ,but my question is can it stay this way ?professional and platonic .we've never even attemted anything , he's never tried. i want to keep it that way. no hostile answers , just opinions.

Answer 1

Never going to happen. 1 person always starts to get more involved and emotional

Answer 2

This could envolve into something. Do you think that all affairs start off as both wanting something to happen? People just get closer to each until they are comfortiable. Then this is when things go array. The easiest way to avoid this is not to put yourself in the situation in the first place. Rumors can fly if someone saw you having lunch with him. Then the dought come in to play if your spouse found out. When you look at a male and female people automaticly think they are a couple. I'm just saying that if 3 people where at lunch it seems more professional. Let's not even go into the office rumors that could start here if you work with this man.

Answer 3

I don't really see a problem. If you're having lunch with a co-worker, and there truly are no romantic feelings, why would your husband care?

Seems to me if you're asking, then there IS an attraction for you. Otherwise the question wouldn't have even come up. Would you feel weird if your spouse met this man? Would you feel comfortable having a couples dinner with everyone involved?

Most of my co-workers are men, and there are quite a few that are easy to talk with and would probably make great lunch company. I don't ever go to lunch with any of them....but if one of them asked I wouldn't think anything about it. They're just co-workers! I don't feel a sexual attraction to every guy I meet or have a conversation with.

Answer 4

I can't help but wonder if the great connection you speak of is somehow undermining the great connection you each have with your respective spouses. If this connection is somehow grounded in mutual interest in something which your respective spouses have no interest in then I say knock yourself out. We all should have outside relationships that enhance us individually. Now if your topics consist of those belonging to your primary relationships and you are carrying on a relationship with another in this sacred territory I do think you need to consider the consequences. Innocently connecting with others despite gender is a good thing. Since your post lacks info regarding the topics of your great connection you will need to assess that on your own. Never, ever look to another man to satisfy the need you might be lacking in your marriage. The place to seek that comfort is at home.

Answer 5

I think there are some questions that you need to answer here.
What does this man mean to you? No, there is nothing wrong with having a friend (male or female) to go to lunch with, but it sounds like you want more?
How is your marriage doing, what about your family?
Are you sure you want to risk them?
Before you jump into a relationship, I would suggest working on the one you have. Always remember, the grass always looks greener on the other side, but only until you get there. Maybe your children would be worth it for you to try and work a bit on your realtionship with your husband before giving up on your family.

Answer 6

As long as you both respect your marriage and each others marriage, then it can be kept that way. Just because you have chill time with the opposite sex doesn't mean that you are putting yourself in the predicament of cheating. I eat lunch sometimes with my male co-workers. They know I am married and respect that fact. We joke around and trip out, but we have never crossed the line. EVER! So, just if you husband asks, don't lie.

Answer 7

You are on a slippery slope here and you know it or you wouldn't be asking. You shouldn't continue to meet with this man regardless of how professional it seems. Married men don't ask women to lunch unless lunch is a business meeting.

Answer 8

That all depends on the two of you and of course, your marriages.

It's quite possible to remain friends however, it always seems that things like this do tend to lead to something more intimate.

The fact that you've asked this question, suggests to me that you are already having doubts...if that's the case, the best thing to do is to decline future lunches with this man and concentrate on your marriage and work.

Answer 9

He wants to nail you... its that simple. Its doesn't matter if it takes six days or six months he is aiming to get into your pants.

The exception may be that you have some insight or information he wants, or he needs to curry favour for career advancement, etc.

You can keep pretending that its just platonic, but deep down you and he have found some attraction to each other. Even as friends, professional or otherwise, never lose sight of the fact that sex is never that far out of our minds.
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Answer 10

I'm thinking keeping it friendly is the best deal. It is never good to get involved with a married man though. Im not sure it is appropriate for you to go to date by yourself with him so many times. It seems like he might be looking for something more soon. I would suggest breaking it off, and only go on group lunch dates with him.

Answer 11

It can stay that way, but it is up to you. If you are worried about it, then that means you don't trust yourself around this guy. Maybe you like him more than you think. I would think about your current marriage and think about how stable it is, why you are still married, and are you happy? Hard to hear, but a serious set of questions you need to ask yourself in determining the true answer to your question.