My dad was abusive. I married young and my husband told me I was fat, stupid, embarrassing, and knocked my confidence until I was a desperate wreck. Then he cheated on me until I finally had enough. A rebound relationship started off good, then he turned into a psycho, and also cheated on me. My last partner of 10 mths started off good, then started controlling me, telling me what to think, say, feel. He bullied me, told me I was mental, made lies up about me, was very aggressive towards me, made me feel like I was going crazy and then f8cked off when I started to get depressed (delayed reaction to violent childhood).
I'm 27, I'm slim, pretty, ambitious, happy, thoughtful, appreciative, spontaneous, open-minded, loyal, trustworthy, accepting, and all of my friends and family are mad with me for having insecurities as they say I'm an amazing person who deserves so much better, and that I consistently prove what a caring, warm person I am.
Is it me? Have I just been unlucky?
2007-06-06 01:42:42 · 20 answers · asked by rollacoasta 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you have been very unlucky there are some good men out there. You did well getting out of that relationship as some people don't have the courage to. Your friends and family are right you can do much better. Try not to let the past get to you, all you can do is learn from it and better yourself from the experiance. Don't change who you are for no one.
2007-06-06 01:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by HeatherzFeatherz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give yourself time to sort out what you want from a relationship. If you are playing the victim you will always get someone who makes you a victim. You seem to go for control freaks, avoid them they are scum who are only putting you down because of their own inadequacies. Your father set the standard and you are repeating the problem. Get counselling - if it is not working for you then you are with the wrong counsellor. Good counselling can help a lot. You are a valuable beautiful person, and you know this intellectually. But you don't believe it with your soul. Learn to believe... And yes, after years of disfunctional relationships and still trying, there are nice men out there, it's simply that you don't find them that attractive because they are not what you are trained to look for.
2007-06-10 05:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by L B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your self description is at all accurate, then look no further.
EDIT: LOL. Seriously, you are just picking the wrong guys. If you want a nice guy, look for the guy who is looking for you. Try the quiet guy. Try the guy who isn't so ambitious. You may have just been unlucky. That DOES happen. It sounds like you need a man who is emotionally supportive. You may not be able to find that quality living among the other qualities you also desire. For example it may be difficult to find a wealthy, ambitious man who is also emotionally supportive. They could be mutually exclusive attributes. Determine what is most important to you, then find your man.
Good Luck.
2007-06-06 08:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by serfdom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You remind me of myself. I've seen some of your other questions recently too and it all looks very familiar.
You need to get a bit insightful and look at why it is that you have chosen to be with these bad people. I've been through it myself. Because of what has happened to you in the past you have come to see bad and abusive situations as normal. Either intentionally or more likely unintentionally you have ended up in the kind of relationships you have been trying to avoid.
What worked for me was taking a bit of time to myself and actually thinking about things before I went in and did them. You can choose a better life for yourself. Somebody who cares about you will want nothing other than for you to be happy. If somebody is making you unhappy, and is treating you in a way that you do not like, then they don't love you and you should avoid them.
Don't waste years of your life repeating the same mistakes, I got out of my own particular long dark tunnel, so there should be hope for anybody else in similar circumstances.
Yes there are lots of nice men in the world, its just they are not as easy to see as the bad men who are louder and push themselves in your face more.
love
S
x
2007-06-06 08:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by lady_sephie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its not you, youve just had some bad luck, just as i did, until i met my husband..i didnt know men like him existed anymore until i met him.. i was in a few abusive relationships.. one where he strangled me because i told him "i dont know" to a question he asked me.. i thought i was dead, but i stayed with him bc i was scared, and i did truly love him with all my heart, and i knew it wasnt really him doing it, it was bc we were out of drugs and he was taking it out on me, when we got clean he was a totally diff person... when he passed away 4 1/2 years ago i lost my whole world until i met my husband 2 years ago.. i had never been in a relationship with someone who was so kind and sweet and loving and caring and NON abusive.. i didnt know how to act, when i made mistakes i expected the worse, when he would raise his hand to give me a hug, i would flinch bc i was so use to being hit.. we'ev been together almost 2 years, and married 1 year and he has never laid one hand on me, we have never had one fight or argument at all.. so yes there are still some good men left in this world... and you will find the one for you.. just dont jump into a relationship bc your lonley or tired of being alone.. take your time, get to know someone before you get really serious.. i was hesitant with my husband for a long time, now he is the only person in my life that i totally trust.. and remember its not what is on the outside that counts, its whats in someones heart that makes them who they are.. good luck
2007-06-06 08:55:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women tend to make very bad choices regarding men when they are down. Wait until you are fully confident again before embarking on any relationship. You need to discover who you are and what you want. Men are not the b--all and end-all so you can manage without one for a while. We all make mistakes. My man-history is as bad as yours! And I am gorgeous too but its everyone else who seems to get the cracking blokes! Anyway, you might want to go and get some confidence building or just live a little on your own.
2007-06-09 17:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have had this problem and this is what i did about it. i got picky. i dated abusive guy after abusive guy and thought why when i discovered i was the problem. just like me you have victim written on your forehead. so take victim off your forehead. go shopping for yourself be more picky on who you date and take some self defense classes. it will boost your self esteem. and whatever you do. never settle for anything. say no when you mean no and say yes when you mean yes. if this is a problem for you i have another suggestion. i use to practice saying no all the time. you are so much better than these men and i have much confidence in you. take care hun and good luck
2007-06-06 09:03:09 · answer #7 · answered by amative_unity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your description of your self sounds pretty healthy to me....I have a friend, age 53, who felt pretty much the way you do about there being good guys left...she joined match.com a year ago, found the love of her life, and is getting married in 3 weeks! They are perfect for one another, and he just adores her!
That is the closest personal experience I can share for now.
Good luck, and do take care of yourself, dearie, for no one else is gonna look after YOU the way YOU do!
2007-06-06 09:14:47 · answer #8 · answered by susieque 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are a lot of good men out there you just got to know where to look. You need to take things slow you have been through loads take off your skin give it a good scrub put it back on and get back out there! you Got to have PMT (positive mental attitude) to move on with your life. find comfort in the fact that the world is forever changing nothing stays the same for long. i believe that you find a great man who will treat you right you just have to start treating yourself right once you truly love your self no one even some one you love can truly hurt you....LOVE YOUR SELF x
2007-06-06 08:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by blaque_snow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are good men out there. I consider myself to be one. Anyways, insecurity attracts the type of men you don't want and you have recently been with, because they know that they have all the control in the relationship. A good man wants a confident woman. keep your head up, stay positive and you'll find a good guy.
2007-06-06 08:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by K. Carlton 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋