I love my wife, but ........part two?

Question

We've been married two years. It's been great. I'm in love with her heart and values. I care for her very much and always want to be with her. I love everything about her, but her weight has always been something I've been willing to deal with because I love the person inside. Before marriage it wasn't that big a deal, but since her weight has gotten out of control. I'm obsessed with wanting a thinner wife. i play soccer two games a week, and work out at the gym twice a week. How do I get her to lose some pounds?

Answer 1

Ask her to come with you to the gym. You didn't say how much she weighted or if it is a health issue you are concerned about.It didn't bother then why now?

Answer 2

DO NOT SAY anything to her about HER WEIGHT.
Make NO COMMENTS whatsoever. Always be a positive encourager. Before you speak ask yourself if your comment is truth, needs to be said, and is kind. If it doesn't fit these qualifiers; keep it to yourself.
If you are "obsessed" with having a thinner wife; then you need to quietly lead her in that direction. Be more active with her. Take her on walks, bike rides, take her swimming, roller blading, and so on. Get her involved in soccer and the gym too ... or whatever physical activities interests her.
Also learn to cook and make healthy food. Tell her how much you love fine cuisine and how you want to eat healthy. After all this, her weight may be a medical condition or genetic predisposition. If your mutual efforts do not work, check out her family history, perhaps seek medical attention.
If this is her genetic heritage, then you need to adjust your expectations and learn to love who she is, despite this superficial prejudice. You have the ability to change your mind and alter your obsession, become enthralled by your wife exactly as she is. Hold her, kiss her, and tell her that she's beautiful every day.

Answer 3

This is a toughy. Try gradually asking her to do more physical things with you. One day before you head out to the gym, ask her to go with you to get out of the house. Don't wait to ask her as you're walking out the door. Ask her about an hour before you go so she has time to prepare. Try taking walks in the evenings to "get closer." Once she starts seeing some changes, it might light a fire under her butt. But at no time are you to tell her your motive. If she ever asks, tell her you're concerned about her health, which I'm sure you are. If you have kids, set up a badmitten (?) net in the back yard and involve the kids, that way everyone can get some activity. Don't give up on her. Weight is such an issue for women, and so hard to lose. Depression can come very easily, so be a rock for her. Hope these tips will help you!

Answer 4

Ok all BS aside. She probably hates it more than you do. I am overwieght, I did just have a baby but thats a lame excuse. But I hate it, I want to lose it but it doesn't happen overnight. It is unhealthy for many reason. So tell her how much you love her and want her to be around forever. Be sure to tell her that are still attracted to her, if indeed you are, and what you are attracted to to help ease the hurt. Be prepared for the anger too. BUt tell her you will go to the gym, or weightwatchers, or she can go to curves, if she deosn't want you there. And support her, dont bring unhealthy food into the house, start cooking less food and serving smaller portions, call her during the day and give verbal support. My husband did not complain about my weight I did, but when I did he was there to help me, and he calls to check on me, he eats candy bars at work not at home and he tells me every day how beautiful I am. He will tell me if he notices a change and that encourages me. Look up the diabetic diet, it is perfect. I followed that at the end of my pregnancy and actually lost weight.

Answer 5

First may I say I am impressed with your tender attitude on this "happens all the time" subject. I am a firm believer the overweight subject has more to tackle than just the pounds. The issue may lie in genetics or psyche or in combination. Self discovery is driven by a desire to be in balance. You have found the method most enjoyable to you for the desired result. What you have done for yourself can help guide your wife to discover her own method for a healthier her. Rather than focusing your efforts on pounds you might want to communicate how great you feel and it is the love you have for her that drives you to assist her on her road toward the same outcomes. Weight loss should never be motivated by trying to please another's eyes. Rather a result that was motivated by the desire to feel better each and every day. This better feeling takes some willingness to try different methods until the perfect match of maintenance is discovered. You obviously care a great deal about your wife. The trick is to nudge her toward caring a great deal about herself. Chose your words carefully and allow her to arrive at her own conclusions.

Answer 6

First of all, don't hound her about her weight because this will not work at all.

I see in your post that you are out of the house 4 times a week for yourself. This can be quite depressing for a new bride as her husband continues on with his life while she sits at home.

You can ask her to go to the gym with you, or take walks at night and on the weekend just to get her moving. At all times, hold her hand so she feels the connection to you. You can ask her to go to your soccer games also.

Your wife maybe dealing with some underlying issues, perhaps low self-esteem which could contribute to her weight gain. Sit down and speak with her and ask her. Most of all listen to what she is saying and understand what is happening.

Answer 7

Whatever you do, do not pester her to lose weight. It could make her feel unattractive and depressed which can lead to gaining even more weight.

Instead, find some physical activities that you both like and suggest doing them... bike riding, swimming, volleyball, whatever. Focus on how much fun the activity is. That will help get her active.

Then find some healthy recipies that "your friend told you about" or that you just "want to try" and make them together. This will help in the calorie/fat department. A good recipie site that I use is www.meals.com. You can search by low fat/low cal, 30-minutes, one-pot, by a particular ingredient, etc.

When you do eat unhealthy meals, serve smaller portions and immediately put the extras away so neither of you is tempted to overeat. We generally eat more than we need - which leads to becoming fat - so your stomach will quickly get used to being full as opposed to absolutely, uncomfortably stuffed.

Good luck.

Answer 8

This is tough. You see I smoke and my husb is concerned about my health issues with it. But you have to personally want to do something. I even work for a doctor and of course know all the faults of it....but then I am believer in genetics.
As for your wife and her weight. Be gentle, I know she, like me, realizes that it is harming her. Has she developed hypertension? diabetes? These 2 things usually come if really obese. Has she ever tried dieting?
Are you carrying any extra weight at all? Reason for this question is if you are then maybe you could suggest that "you" would like to cut back on calories some....this would not put the pressure on her. Or ask her to go walking with you.....NOT a run or jog with you, just out for a walk some afternoon. Gradually work up to a faster pace as she learns to enjoy the walking with you.
I hate gyms....for I work so many hours and the thought of then going into a gym with all those gungho gym people working like crazy would drive me mad...and it would her also. Especially not being use to it and being out of shape. So try easing her into the walking, then faster pace, compliment her etc. Call her doctor she uses and voice your concerns to him and let him mark her chart to discuss it with her at next visit.

Answer 9

There is no real nice way to tell a girl that they have let them selves go without them being offended, but in the long run she will thank you for it because she will feel so much better about herself. Focus how you tell her more on her health and taking care of her body rather than i think your fat and i want someone thinner. If i was her i would be hurt at first but i would appreciate the honesty and also it would be good if you excercise with her to help keep her going and support her making her feel good when she does excercise and eat right.

Answer 10

See to it that she works out with you. Tell her that you love her and want her around for a long time. Weight gain can lead to heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems. Find out if there is a "killer" in her family history, Heart, cancer etc. Tell her that her weight gain is only going to increase her chances of ill health. Scare her! My sister is a nurse, who should know better. She has been Obese for almost 20 years. She was diagnosed with Diabetes about 2 years ago. It was a wake up call for her...she has lost almost 75 pounds by changing her eating habits. Your wife is probably feeling very comfortable with herself, since you aren't making a big deal about it...WELL, start making a big deal about it. Don't let this fester...it will only make the relationship harder to deal with.

Answer 11

You are just asking for trouble with that question!!But,maybe you should try to get her involved with your exercise program and maybe take over some cooking at home-using low-fat recipes and stuff.Talk to her about how great feeling fit makes you feel and she might start to wonder how good she would feel being healthier.No woman(or man for that matter)likes being told they need to lose weight-so be sensitive about it.Maybe discuss the health benefits of losing a few pounds,rather than just telling her she needs to be thinner.