Should we break up or should we just take a break?

Question

My girlfriend and I been together for 6 years.We lived together for 3 1/2 years and 2 1/2 years ago she moved away (about 5000 miles) to further educate herself.We've been seeing each other on the regular bases pretty much every 3-6 months frequently since.Our relationship has been very strong,even though it hasn't been easy.the original plan was for her to go ahead and do the career thing for about a year and then she was supposed to come back and live with me.well,that 1 year now has turned into 2 1/2 years and I am very frustrated.I love my GF very much and we always been very honest with each other.She has most of her family out there where she is right now and likes her job very much,but isn't sure about what she really wants and where she wants to be.She says she loves me and I do believe her a 110%,but she has a tough time to make a decision.We talked about ME moving and stuff,but my career is is keeping me where I am at.So here's the part I need help with.What should we do?

Answer 1

This is one of those situations where life is leading you two in different directions. Their is no easy answer to this one because at what point do you say you've had enough and maybe you should call it quits but at the same time when would be giving up too soon? If you are truly unhappy with the situation you are in and things don't look like it's going to change then maybe it is best to take a break and see whether it is really to endure through this relationship longer. Alot of times we see almost every person we date as the last person we are going to date but the truth is she could have just been in your life to teach you something and now her time is up so it's time to let her go. However if you two truly love each other enough then things will work themselves out. Give it a little bit more time and if you feel like you can't take it anymore then call it quits.

Answer 2

One of you has to bite the bullet and move to be with the other. The only other possible solution is to both compromise and move to some neutral place and start all over again.

This second option may not be as crazy as it seems. If one stays put and the other moves, from the POV of the 'stayer' it will be difficult adjusting to having someone else in your life after being apart for so long. All the things you have been doing will need to change.... and this may lead to difficulty and some resentment.

Likewise, the 'mover' may begin to feel guilty for upsetting the routine of the 'stayer'. So a move for both of you means a new start where you have to support each other, build a healthy dependency on each other and a appropriate social networks.

Most likley she has built social networks, support networks and is comfortable in her current location. Why should she tear that apart just for you?

I would guess if you really pushed her to move back to where you are she will terminate the relationship (what little it is) - look at it from a cost/benefit POV - she stands to lose a lot, and without rose coloured glasses what does she stand to gain? Possibly not much.
.

Answer 3

You've already taken the break. This is the age old question of choose the girl or the career. Love isn't always enough. She should be around her family as should you, if you can. Saying your relationship is strong, is great. That just means that you really care for one another.
I don't think if you have to ask, you should go. Its easy for me to say that. It isn't my relationship, but if you should move there, you wouldn't have to ask.
Just leave it open ended for now. See if you can do without her. Keep in touch, and see if your heart aches. Don't get in a rush. If she loves you that much, she will wait a little to see.

Answer 4

Sounds like your career paths are the most important thing at the moment. If you really wanted to be together it would be a no-brainer and you'd find a work around or a compromise. Breaks rarely solve anything and really are only indicators that you are trying to let go...but just aren't there yet.

Answer 5

Whew, that's a tough one. By my advise, tell her exactly what you just wrote here. Tell her how this separation is making you really feel. Tell her it is hurting the relationship. Tell her you can't take much more of being away from her. Talk about it openly and honestly, like it sounds like you do. One of you has to comprimise. I did, and I'm sure she will too, if you just let her know this has gone to the point that you can't stand it. (Sweet talk her, too, tell her being away from her makes the sun dark in your eyes, and water is dry without her, and how VERY unhappy you are without her.) Whatever you do, don't in any way trivialize her family, friends, or job, remember they are just as important as your life, the only question is, which is more important to her, her job, etc... or you.

Answer 6

Your relationship has stalled and neither of you want to admit it and go your way. Of course, you still care for each other, but the reality is you have moved in different directions both literally and figuratively. You both need to face it and go your separate ways.

Answer 7

Sometimes things just don't work out, it is sad but true. If I was in her shoes I wouldn't come back because I would be happy with my family near me. Maybe if you moved there, but then YOU wouldn't be as happy, so give it up. It was lovely while it lasted.

Answer 8

Both of you are essentially saying that your current situation, job, whatever, is more important to you than the other person. You are not important enough to her to move back to you. She is not important enough to you to move to her. The solution is to stop wasting your time in a relationship that's not going anywhere, and break up.

Answer 9

Take a break.

You obviously want to be together, but you need to concentrate on your careers

Answer 10

Meet each other half way. This would be called a compromise.....Good Luck.