I just found out that my bf has spent the last 4 or 5 months talking to ex behind my back.?

Question

He said they were always talking about the kids when i confronted him months ago....i finally got him to admit she was 'helping him to understand and get through their divorce'? Is this normal and would that be a form of cheating? It supposedly was only phone calls and email.

Answer 1

Drop that jerk off! My lousy wife has been talking to an old boyfriend for last eight years of our marriage after we made a deal not to.

If you want to find out years from know, he may have been boning woman for years, keep him in your life. You will feel like a fool for all the time you wasted.

Answer 2

When two people were married, and they have kids together, they have a tie, and that tie is for life. Yes, he should have told you that he was speaking to her if your relationship with him is serious, BUT you need to understand that divorces are perhaps not easy, emotions remain, whether good or bad, and that's just the way it is. This is not cheating. Perhaps he did not want to hurt your feelings by thinking you would not react to this kindly. The best thing for you to do is sit with him, and be understanding of how he feels. If you care about him - don't push him away, but be there to support him. Do not cause trouble with his ex, especially where there is children involved! Divorce is not an easy thing for someone to go through, and if you're involved with someone who's newly divorced, then you need to understand that there may be some emotional baggage. He will always in some way, or some form, speak with her and you need to accept it or move on. Best of luck with this.

Answer 3

I think the three of you should go to a quiet restaurant for dinner and have a nice, long talk. Keep the focus of the conversation on the topic of "unresolved issues". Ask, "What do you need to know in order to understand and get through your divorce?" Then work together to find the answers that he needs. You'll feel better when all this is in the open.

Whatever you do, don't marry this guy until he does understand and has gotten through the divorce, and can explain to you what he understands.

Answer 4

I would be a bit concerned. If he needs "help" getting over a divorce, than the woman that he is dovorced from should NOT
be his choice is overcommiing the past. And if he needs a final closure with her involved, it should be with the help of a quailfied professional!
If there are kids involved, she will always be a part of his life, and they should find a way to effectivly communicate.
Tell him that you understand this, but feel that getting over his past is a part of moving on, not trying to relive the past, and that by going behind your back, that you feel he is trying to hide something for a reason!
Back off, and give him a bit of breathing room, it may be he does not want to move forward...or it can be that he does not want to make the same mistakes with YOU that he made with her..good luck

Answer 5

That's the problem of dating divorced fathers (or divorced mothers) - the Ex in the background.

You would be wise to make friends with this woman - to the extent that this is possible at least - because she will always be a part of your bf's life. Like it or not. It's true that she may be all kinds of awful things - but she is the mother of his children and, unless she terminates her parental rights - she will always have some presence in his life.

It wil be up to you to get along with that. You can't change it and it would be selfish and petty of you to try.

Or, rethink the relationship.

Answer 6

If he were innocent of no wrong doing he would have at least mentioned it. There's still emotional connection here, between the two, or phone calls like this would not have taken place.

Answer 7

its his ex not yours. if there are children involve then he should keep some form of contact. but if not he should make a clean break. he committmnt is to YOU not the EX.

Answer 8

See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com