Do you think my husband is having an affair?

Question

Yesterday my husband said that he was going to buy a plain jane cell phone because he doesn't use txt messaging etc. Then he came home with a top of the line cell phone that connects to the internet. Also, I found on his email a email from verizon verifying that he does have email on his account. Also last night he left around 8 PM and said that he was going to a friends house and would return shortly. When asked how long..he became very defensive and then left. Also he took a shower and was in nice cloths. He called me at 9 PM stating that he was caught in traffic. Then I called him at 9:30 PM and he said that he was now at his friends. When I checked his cell phone while he slept, I found out that he called his friend at 9:36pm and again at 10:04PM. Also he took money out of the ATM of 300.00 and he does not have any in his wallet. He has recently lost about 30 lbs and he is dressing better than before. He keeps his hair trimmed up nice which is different than usually.

Answer 1

The possibility is there but that isn't the main issue. For what ever reason it sounds like you and your husband don't trust each other. Without trust your marriage isn't going to make it. I would seek wise council about this from a trusted source, professional counselor, pastor/clergy, someone who can give you and your husband better insight into what is really happening rather than random postings on the Internet from strangers who don't know you. Your marriage is far too important for that. If he won't go with you then go by yourself. Good Luck.

Answer 2

No offense but the loss of weight is not a reason to believe he is a cheat...some people just want to look and feel better about themselves. Dressing better then ever before, well maybe but does he seek your approval when he is dressed? Maybe he is looking for attention from you. As for the phone, those sales people are good at talking you into sh*t you don't need, trust me I did the same as your hubby went for a plain old cell then got talked into how great this otherone was and I just had to have it LOL. You have access to his email, so if he were cheating I would think he would change the password.
Let me say he does sound like he is sneaking around however you sound like you check up on him alot and that would be pretty offensive to anyone.
Maybe he is going to a bar or something and didn't say because he didn't want and argument. Maybe he is into drugs, which would be bad or maybe he is into call girls....also very bad. He could be into poker and is gambling..there are many things it could be, not just cheating. But if you're confrontational or you have always checked up on hima nd lack trust in him then he is never going to tell the truth about anything.

Answer 3

Seven common warning signs someone is cheating on you:

1. The most common warning is when a partner tells you something is amiss and you don't believe it. He or she may say, 'This marriage isn't working,' or 'I am not happy.'
2. Sudden change -- or interest -- in appearance.
3. If your partner says, 'You need to see a psychiatrist,' 'You need help,' 'Get a job,' 'Lose weight,' or 'Go to the gym,' and is constantly critical, it's all part of the same theme -- which is that there is something wrong with you. Unconsciously, they are setting it up to say their partner was nuts and wouldn't even go for help. Another tip-off is when he or she starts picking fights about something you are good at, so you fight back and then he or she calls you argumentative.
4. Gives you guilt gifts.
5. If you get the cold shoulder at your spouse's company holiday party where everyone used to be friendly, it's a sign that his colleagues either know about the affair and figure you are on the way out, so why be nice? Or your partner has been making critical comments about you so they think you are no good.
6. When a partner is sneaking around a bit, it's a sign. Maybe he or she takes secret cell phone calls on the porch instead of using the phone by the bed, or maybe he is out on weeknights whereas he used to be home watching television. If you see that a person is not around that much and is gone on different nights, something may be up.
7. Sometimes people with a background of these types of things may be more likely to repeat them. There are exceptions and people can change patterns in their life, but if we are talking about red flags, history is a red flag.

Answer 4

Without even reading what you wrote, if you think he is, then he is or he will be when you distance yourself from him or you 'retaliate' by having an affair yourself.

Confront him! If he dis's ya then tell him, unless you want to live this life, you better come clean now.
If he lies and its OBVIOUS, say, "O.K Hunny" make him an awesome dinner, put a smile on your face, treat him like a king, and when he goes to work, take EVERYTHING out and put it in storage, move in with mom, whoever, and leave a note on the floor "I'll be waiting to hear the truth from you when you call me at (cell number, no home phones). If he tells ya great, if not, file the divorce papers and then send him the bill for the storage after you get all your stuff out (don't damage anything no matter how tempting)

If he comes clean, and wants you back. make him take you to his new lovers place, confront her no matter where she is, work, whatever (no threats, just a "stay away from my husband you F'n whore!") and leave. Don't stay to wait for police or to make a big scene. Make him move everything back in and have him call you every time he goes somewhere. If he says he is at a store, call the store and page him. Let him know that he cant go no where without you seeking him out. Then back off and see what he does... If it continues, or if he threatens you leave him.

Answer 5

You say you talked to him at 9:30pm, but you neglect to mention what time he got home last night. Someone usually doesn't call someone twice that they are with, in person.

Do you live in a community or city that has high traffic volume that would justify an hour traffic jam?

Most cell phones do come with a cell phone company email. I know my Sprint phone has a sprint email. I personally have never used it.

As for the $300 ATM withdrawl, while it's possible it could have been used for an expensive date....it also could be a sign of a gambling addiction. Is there a casino or riverboat casino nearby? Maybe he went out drinking with the guys... Have you asked him? I know that in my marriage, it's not uncommon for either of us to ask the other what "that transaction" was for.... usually just out of curiosity cause we don't recognize it as our own transaction. Maybe it's a drug addiction, or maybe he's having a complex about getting older.... Could the $300 have been spent to pay for the expensive cell phone?

...there could be many different avenues as to where that money went.

As for him being defensive when you asked him how long... have you "badgered" him in the past about his activities? He may simply just be tired of being asked so many questions.

As for the change in appearance, personal grooming & hygiene, and weight change.... yeah, it's possible these are indicators of an affair.... but it's not limited solely to just that reason. Ask him in a non threatening and non accusing manner, casually, "hey, what prompted you to lose your weight?" Oh....has he taken on a new job that might require a different style of dressing and grooming?

Now, if you truely believe he is having an affair, I wouldn't go letting him know that you are snooping around behind him. 1- It's likely to make him angry and cause unnecessary consequences -and- 2- If you give him any idea you're snooping, he'll start covering his tracks better...if he has something to hide in the first place.

I wish you luck in whatever comes your way. I've been in a marriage where my ex-husband was cheating on me. There weren't clear indicators he was. Turns out everyone around us knew about who he was sleeping with, except me.

Long term, it's left me "once bitten, twice shy". Not a fun perspective to live in.... but living with a cheating spouse is something that I refuse to tolerate. I moved on.

Answer 6

Ask him straight out if you think he is. I say it can go both ways. Maybe when he went to Verizon, he had plans on getting an ordinary phone. He could have been with some friends when he did and got talked into buying the top of the line with Internet access phone. You never know. Then the $300 could have been payment from what he borrowed from his friends. Or the dirty dog could just be rumping around with someone else. But either way, maybe you should ask. Lack of communication is just going to make the problem bigger.

Answer 7

These are all the signs of cheating based on first-hand knowledge!

Be smart and don't confront him as he will only deny it! You can tell him you checked the balance in the checking account and noticed an ATM withdrawal. Ask him if he took any money out or is this a bank error!

Don't let on about checking the cell as he will ONLY lock the phone or erase the calls.

When I had enough info, I followed my ex and confirmed my concerns. Then I waited for him as he walked out of the restaurant and walked up to him and his gf .... looked into his eyes and then walked away!

Answer 8

Oh man, I'm really sorry to have to say this but, I would bet my bottom dollar. Confront him, or keep checking up on him until you get the hard evidence, one way or the other, you can't let this continue. If he says that again, and you know where his friend lives, then go to the friend's house, wait, call him and ask him if he is there, when he says "yes" you say "I am outside, and you are not here". One thing is for sure, if you confront him, and he denies it, and you can't prove it, he will just get smarter, not stop.

Answer 9

Well it is possible that he is.....maybe try asking him, but you will have to then come clean about checking his email, and cell phone....it is better to communicate that to jump to conclusions....you will know, and maybe try communicating with his friend and or the friends wife or girl friend...they usually know, another approach might be to insist you go along with him to the friends house, or to the business meeting, there are lots of way you could find out for sure..

Answer 10

It all sounds a little suspicious, but you shouldn't assume...try to sit down with him and talk...ask him if he's happy, and tell him what your feeling and thinking...the best thing to do is communicate. If he is having an affair you can both get things figured out and move on, either together or seperately, and if he's not, then you're not sitting around constantly thinking about the what ifs. Good Luck to you!