What do you think of this letter?

Question

I think is delicious :-)

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further
When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR

ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8 To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)

Answer 1

I ABSOLUTELY love this!!!

SOmething similar happened to me. I did some banking one day, unfortunately they did the withdrawals before the deposits, resulting in three charges for insufficient funds! I called of course, and their response was they don't go by the time of each transaction but by the day. There was no way they could reverse the bank charges that I had incurred.

Answer 2

have seen this several times. yes, the banks do withdraws before deposits so I decided to have what the bank called " overdraft protection " placed on my checking account. worked fine until I retired and no longer have any banking account. however, you might find this amusing. I had an equity line of credit on my home of which there was a $50.00 annual fee. I sold my home and paid everything off at the Savings and Loan. then I retired and moved out of town. after moving I received a bill for the $50.00 equity Line of Credit fee. so a letter had to be written to cancel this transaction -- after I had already canceled it before I left. sometimes one wonders ???

Answer 3

The bank manager may have found it amusing, yet I'm positive she was dead serious, being irritated by the facts she stated. While the bank manager laughed and joked with the Times editor, hopefully he was a gentleman and reversed the charges that prompted her to write her letter/ proposal.

Answer 4

How wonderful!
I wonder if her bank manager paid any attention at all to what she was actually, saying, or if he refunded her $30 NSF transaction fine?
This lady, at 86, is likely one of the last generation of Americans who can remember what good service is all about, and what banks used to do to service their customers and their accounts.
Sad, isn't it?

Answer 5

That is WONDERFUL... the only person that could have penned that letter was a really pissed of woman that has had it with the "establishment". I don't blame her either as I hated it when I tried at one time to call and talk to a REAL human and got computer generated b.s. instead

Answer 6

I'm sorry -- I can't see the keyboard, still wiping away tears of laughter -- can hardly breathe -- Pull Yourself Together, Man -- that's better.

Seniors Answers could yet become the best, most entertaining section in the whole of Answers!

Answer 7

Even otherwise it would have been brilliant stuff - such understated sarcasm ! And to think it was penned by an eighty-six year old !

Answer 8

i had read this a while back and thought it was marvelous...fortunately i bank at a credit union and they are great to me and with me...but i have noticed how cocky the normal banks are now and it is not at all customer friendly...gave me a chuckle...again...thanks

Answer 9

That would be a woman after my own heart. ..It's brilliant!
Just shows that old age does not always mean that one is not in-touch with reality.

Answer 10

This is an interesting question, and one that has intrigued me for a very long time.