I got sexually harassed at work. Did I do the right thing?

Question

I work in a pet food retail store, I am the ONLY female associate, and I work with about 10 other guys.

The guys and I are always joking around.. making sexual pet-food related jokes-- "that sure is a lot of beef you're holding", etc.

It's funny.

Today, one of the male associates took me aside and said to me "So when are you going to let me hit that". I was offended and I told the manager. The manager started yelling at the other guy about it instead of keeping it professional and talking about it calmly.

Even though we always joke, what he said to me was not a joke-- it went too far.

Now everyone is mad at me.

Since I'm the only female there, and since i'm able to "joke with the guys", according to the other associate i'm just "asking for it".

I quit my job tonight.


Did I do the right thing?? Do you think that since i'm able to joke, that i'm "asking" to be sexually harassed??

*sigh*... comfort me.

it's true that i should have talked to him.....

Also, I quit for more reasons--- tonight just put the icing on the cake.

I'm not going to sue, and i did not want HIM to get fired. I was just telling my manager how I felt.

my manager went to him YELLING. I did not want that to happen either.......

Thanks for all your support.

Answer 1

You did not ask to be harassed, but
you were not harassed. By playing along with sexually charged joking, you invited sexual jokes and comments, and that's what you got.

If you had said to him, in response, "Hey, that's not funny, you're over the line, buddy." that probably would have ended it right there. That would have been the appropriate thing to do.
If he keeps making remarks, THEN you tell the boss.

You can't run to the boss over one remark after you've been playing the game. Playing along with sexual innuendo and jokes, and then crying "foul" when one comment goes too far for you is completely unreasonable.

The rest of the staff was right to be mad. With the way you acted, they have to worry that if they make one off-color remark in front of you, they might lose their job.

If you really want that job, there is only one sensible course of action. Go back to the store, and ask the boss if he would still keep you on. If he would, you need to have a group meeting with all the other employees, and the boss. Explain to them why you blew a gasket over that remark, but eat some humble pie and apologize - promise that if something like that comes up again, you will speak up and simply tell the offender where the line is instead of running to the boss over it.

Remember, there's a big difference between one offensive comment and "harrassment."

Your coworkers will have their chance to vent, as well. But if you all do this together, maybe you can still all get along there, and you can keep your job.

Answer 2

Well, actually we ladies will always face this problem anywhere and the best place it will exist at work place as we spend daily 8 hrs or more a day. Since he did not physically harm you, instead of making any issue you could have casually replied back "Mind you, you have dialled a wrong number" or in your usual joking way "you will get hit back" etc.
My dear, if you approach your Manager for helping this issue or as a complaint - they will be the next to ask you for it as you have already made a propaganda earlier.
Best thing in extreme cases would be take whatever action in the most discreet way to avoid situations. Unless he is physically harming you, then you can even expose such person to the police/ public, so society can be aware of them.
Now in your case you lost even your job. So next time this advice for you.

Answer 3

You have to pick a side of the fence to be on in a working environment like that...you joking sexually with the guys, gives them the indication that you are free and comfortable with sex...so I'm not surprised you were propositioned, to be honest...it isn't like you ever drew a line in the sand before that said do not cross...

the way you handled it was inappropriate, you should have talked to the guy himself and let him know where your boundaries were, and if he did it again, then take action.

Probably was smart to quit, it would have been a very bad working environment because you pretty much got yourself labeled as a tease.

From now on, stayout of talking about ANYTHING sexual in the workplace. Jokes or otherwise.

Answer 4

under no circumstances is any woman asking to be sexually harassed on the job. and also no man is asking to be accused of being accused of it. You really didn't do the right thing by quiting your job, but under the circumstances it is understandable. I don't blame you for quiting but it did hurt your allegations against the guy. if the manager did not resolve the situation satisfactorily for you then you should also have reported him to his superior. does the guy that performed the harassment still work at that store? did you also seek legal advice before quiting your job? do you know if anyone else heard him make these statements? the questions I can probably answer is yes and no. yes the guy still works there and no you did not consult legal advice before leaving that job. so what did you quiting accomplish? nothing for your benefit. so what if the other employees are mad at you, but you really pissed them off by quiting probably. I really wish you had stayed on the job because if guys follow suit they will forget what happened between you and that guy and resume normal joking but be more caution but not hold a grudge against you for standing up for yourself. if anything they would respect you more for doing so. however you may still be able to persue this action in civil court but you really need to consult an attorney to do so and to protect you from further harassment. good luck

Answer 5

If tell a group of guys that making sexually explicit jokes is okay, one of them is going to push the envelope to see how far he can take it. The guy who wanted to "hit that" may have been trying to ask you out and totally didn't "get it" or maybe he was a real scumbag. You're the best judge of that.

Think about it, and be honest with yourself. Did you over-react? If so, then learn from the experience. If not, then you need to talk to a lawyer because you shouldn't have felt like you needed to quit your job.

Answer 6

You put yourself in an awkward position. Noone else heard his less than ideal dating suggestion. I would have told him his chances were zero, and to never speak to me that way again.

This runs both ways. I used to manage and a few times I found a womans panties on my desk with scented notes. I LOVE sex...but...This annoyed me, and did not turn me on in any way. I finally figured out wdo did it and spoke to her and told her to NEVER do it again. She admitted she had done it to try to get my attention but she already had it. She blew it big time tho and was quite embarrassed.

I dont think anyone likes it when it goes too far, and you allowed it to go on too long. It isnt funny becuase it allows the mind to run free and start to make certain connections to the suggestion. Basic psychology. Sorry but you hosed the guy, and you were equally repsonsible by encopuraging and allowing it. Knock it off or you might find yourself on the recieving end of one of those complaints or worse, you might not get asked next time. Hope you learned something. The other guys are mad becuase you broke the rules. The rules of being one of the "guys". Instead you led him on, then narced him off.

Answer 7

You shouldn't have quit your job, but you did in a way, help to encourage the situation. Any time you joke in such a way, anything is possible. There are people unfortunately, who don't know where or when to stop. Case in point, this guy. He took it a step or two further, and offended you. He was definitely, in the wrong, but as I said there are people, who don't know where or when to stop. And as for your supervisor, he may not have handled it to your liking, but he had to do something. Learn from this.

Answer 8

Let's see if I get this right...
You take an active part in very crude and sexually charged behavior and speech. This leads others to believe you are a very crude and sexually charged person who is receptive to very crude and sexually charged remarks.
Then when a co-worker - not a superior, but a peer - asks you out in a very crude and sexually charged way, you call it harassment. It was not a joke, but it wasn't harassment either. You were bluffing to fit in with the guys, and your bluff got called. You could have told him no in an equally crude way, but no - it had to be harassment. Why? Because you're a woman? Isn't that a double standard?

Answer 9

Well I would have suggested talking to the offender directly first.

Telling him, hey we make jokes and im ok with that but you are pushing it now and I don't appreciate it, I am asking you not to say something like that again.

Then if he did it again I would talk to the manager.

Oh well lesson learned. I do not think people should be harassed, but give people a chance to correct their bad behaviour first.

Answer 10

u did the right thing telling ur manager abt it.But,I guess next time we should be careful about our 'jokes'

cz guys maybe think that it's only a joke but we,nope.and they might even think we like it

cheer up.it's a normal thing for us,girls to feel offended when they sexually harassed us or do something like that at us.Plus,it's ur boss' fault too for not acting professional

relax and take care.=)