You must tell him the truth. You are not ready yet. If he truely loves you, he will wait.
2007-06-04 19:10:12
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answer #1
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answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7
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Wow!! He proposed to you in a restaraunt! You guys must have been together for a long time and are in love. if this is so I would say yes to him. I too am 19, and my wife is 18, and we got married last year in July ( I was 18 then) we were engaged for about a year before that and were also together for about 6 years before that. We saved money finished up high school and had our wedding during the summer. We are going to college together have a baby on the way live alone all the fun stuff, and it's great. haha You can say yes to him and wait a while before you actually get married. It's ok to be engaged for a while. Just be certain you don't mind seeing his face everyday for the rest of your life. lol congrats again and I hope all is well!!
2007-06-04 23:09:15
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answer #2
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answered by BozoBeast911 1
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Hey - you're smart. You DIDN'T commit to something you knew you didn't want, at least not yet. Give yourself some credit. Your best policy is to sit him down, explain how you feel about him, and that you know that you aren't ready for marriage, that 18 is too young for marriage. You don't need to go into wanting to meet other people, at least not now. That maybe an opportunity for you after you turn him down (please don't screw up and say yes - your doubts now say everything that needs to be said). He may have his heart broken, yes - but a broken heart still beats. He'll get over it. You will. Much MUCH harder to deal with a broken heart 20 years down the road.
I've a little experience with this - I married at 19, after being with my wife since I was 15. 22 years down the line, and we finally get to grow up, through divorce (amicable, at least). A lot of growth happens between 18 and 25 (varies by person). Take your time. You will know when it's right, and with the right person.
2007-06-04 19:19:12
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answer #3
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answered by sloth the younger 2
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Consider telling him in the same manner you just told us.
You love him very much, but you do not believe that at this time in your life marriage is a option.
You may find the following information helpful:
Years of research by psychologist have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors. Lack of any two or more of these factors indicates there is high probability the marriage will not last. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)
1. Both parties married at age 25 or older.
2. Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)
3. Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).
4. Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)
5. Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)
6. Open Communications (agree that it is ok not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)
7. Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)
8. Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage.
9. Both individuals are not egoist. (a egoist believes that everyone would be happy by making them happy)
2007-06-04 19:12:50
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answer #4
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answered by oldcorps1947 6
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TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Don't panic. If you feel you are not ready, then you need to say just that. Take the ring with a compromise on a date...of say 4 years. Explain how that will give you both time to get an education, complete your adult growth, and as full adults of 23 and 24, you both will be better able to make such a big decision in confidence. You two will also be able to see how each has prepared for the future...a future you deserve to develop for yourself.
If he wants to dump you after the talk, run from him. He is desperate to get married and that is not a good reason. You two need to '""compliment""" each other, not """supplement"""
one another.
People getting married so young don't realize that children can expectantly come and really hold you up for enjoying your young life fully. That is just one pit-fall. It is hard enough to regulate your own finances, rather than have to deal with the habits of another.
Be assertive and straight forward in telling him that there is no other man in the world that you want to be with; yet, he has to prove to you that he will be a responsible person for the long haul. Just as you have to prove it to him.
I don't care what your instincts are telling you in waiting; but, you need to '''respect''' them. Good Luck.
2007-06-04 19:20:18
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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YOU ARE TOO YOUNG.......keep the relationship another couple of years and then get engaged. Average age for marriage is barely 25 and changing to 28. It is a fact that YOU AND HIM WILL NOT LEARN ABOUT LIFE UNTIL YOUR 20'S don't kid yourself, life will cahnge drastically. Right now you have no future because you probably have no or limited bank account, can't afford rent long term and sure are not able to afford a child or a car after the current one conks out. You did the right thing by going home. Call him and ask to see him. Your BF was sweet and his heart is probably hurt and he is confused. Talk about your real futures, futures alone and dating (Where do you want to go in life?where does he?) Your future together with your different future dreams if you put them together, do they fit together? What if you marry? Who does what and who pays for what, how will it be? This is not Cinderella, it is real life. It is special if someone asks you to marry but you are too young. If YOU wan't a life you need to wait until you BUILD ONE and the boy turns to a man and HE has built a future he can afford to share with you...Good luck sweetie....
2007-06-04 19:17:45
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answer #6
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answered by city girl 3
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I think that, by the way you reacted, you already broke his heart. If you're not sure about marrying him, then you did the right thing by not saying yes. Now you need to get together to explain to him why you did what you did. Let him know that you're still young and not sure of yourself. If you still want to be his girlfriend, let him know that too. Ask him to be patient and wait a few years until you finish school, get a job, etc. and feel more sure about yourself and your future. You are both so young, so waiting a few years can't hurt.
2007-06-08 15:38:30
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answer #7
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answered by Tweety 5
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Tell him exactly that w/o the so many other people part. Don't say yes b/c you don't want to break his heart b/c it concerns your happiness. Would you rather be unhappy just to make sure he is happy?? I agree, you are too young. Give yourself time to be. If you are not sure he is the (and you do not sound like you are) ONE don't say yes. You have not had a lot of time to just live and do things frinds, travel ect..... You might not have handled it the most tactful way but I think you did the right thing.
2007-06-04 19:14:27
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answer #8
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answered by beachgoer5 2
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Tell him you want to marry him, but not anytime soon. You should both wait until you're both finished with college educations and have jobs before getting married. Many people have 3 and 4 year engagements, so don't worry about it. Just because you're engaged doesn't mean you immediately start planning a wedding.
2007-06-04 19:10:33
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answer #9
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answered by basketcase88 7
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The one thing that I've learned is you can't live for someone else. You can't say "yes" cause you don't want to break his heart. I know it's hard but you have to live for you first. You are 100% right about being to young to be married. You haven't even started living yet. Just tell him that this is hurting you just as bad as it's hurting him. Be strong and I promise you, you're doing the right thing.
2007-06-04 19:15:06
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answer #10
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answered by Nicki 2
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You just answered your own question...
If you're not ready, then it's completely okay to say "i'm not ready".
Doesn't mean the relationship ends, just the dead heat to get married. Marriage is great when you're ready and SO not when you just yes to make the other happy.
Take time...lots of time. If it's real, it will still be there down the road.
2007-06-04 19:12:48
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answer #11
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answered by Cathy C 3
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