My husband just walked out on me after 14 years together. What should I do? We have a daughter, age 6.?

Question

My husband and I have a long history together. We got together in high school. I graduated from a four year college but he didn't. He's been working since I graduated but I can't get a job. We were just talking about moving out of state and then we had a few drinks and he packed his bag and stormed out. I have no friends and don't want to call family. He has a history of being impulsive when angry. He's pushed me to the floor and thrown things at me. He's slammed doors in my face and called me names in front of our daughter. Whenever we talk about these things we work out that we are both disrespectful, but I never call names and rarely yell or throw things, especially if our daughter is within earshot. Both of us drink more and more. Perhaps if we were happier we wouldn't drink so much. Both of our families think that the other family's spouse is to blame. One fam. is blue collar and the other educated white collar. Our daughter has told granma that it's her fault mom/dad are fighting

Answer 1

You two don't seem to realize what your doing to your daughter. Not only the fighting, name calling, but drinking is too much for a child to handle. You both are suppose to be the adults here, but this child already at her age blames herself for your two behavior. You two don't need to be together until you both get your head on straight.

Answer 2

You guys should go to counseling because the bible says the only way that you are excused to get a divorce is that one partner cheats with another person spouse. As far as your daughter talk to her and let her know that it's not her fault at all and that you both love her and always will. If you have no friends it's not to late to gain some. Get out the house by yourself or with a family member and meet new friends. That's probably your problem, you're always under your husband and he needs space, he needs some man time. And STOP DRINKING, be a true women. Would you want to see your daughter drink like that?

Answer 3

You are not going to like this, but you should be ashamed, both you and your husband. What have you both become, drunks!? What the heck are you thinking, you have a small child that needs you to be sober. You should be thinking about your child's safety and security and well being. You are not the one this should be about. Think about it, doesn't your child deserve respectful peaceful sober parents? Quit being selfish and stop disrespecting each other and your home. If you can't pull it together then separate and raise your child to be a better person than what you have described in your question. Stop feeling sorry and start feeling alive. You can do without friends and an abusive spouse. Get a job and support yourself and your child. Learn to be happy. and I highly doubt a little 6 year old is discussing fault at grandma's. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Honey, there are several issues going on here, the first being that this relationship is not real. It's based on mutual alcohol abuse. Would you fight so much if neither of you drinked so badly?

This is a toxic relationship. He's abusive, physically and verbally, and I have no doubt your daughter has been affected by it. Now that he's gone, you need to stop drinking, enroll in rehab or something! Go to an AA meeting. BUT STOP DRINKING NOW! And then get a job, even if it isn't in your field of study. Get something to make ends meet! Live with your family if necessary to make ends meet. Single moms are doing this all the time. And yes, get child support.

If however, you decide you want to work on your marriage, then I suggest you both seek counseling seperately until you're both stable and in a position to better deal with this.

My main concern is your daughter. She's blaming herself for this and that's not good. You need to sit her down and explain to her that this is not her fault; that mommy and daddy have issues to work out...grown up stuff....that has nothing to do with her, and that no matter what happens between the two of you, she will always have BOTH of you in her life!

Answer 5

First off you NEED to explain to your baby girl that mommy and daddies fighting is not because of her! Let her know in simple terms that mom and dad have different views on some subjects and can't always compromise. Next, ditch him ... You don't need someone disrespecting you that way! File for child support, and suck it up and get involved with your family. They will always be there when others are not. That said... Stop drinking! It's not healthy and you know that your not the best person when you drink , so stop! I'm thrilled that you keep yourself under control when your daughter is in earshot, however... kids are sneaky. For all you know she could have been woken during one of your spats and was hiding around the corner. So just be extra cautious when things are starting to look ugly. As for him....HOW DARE HE DISRESPECT YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!! She should have never seen or heard that! Good luck.

Answer 6

My heart goes out to you I can relate I think the best thing to do is maybe take alittle time away from each other to really look at things and not make any quick decisions i believe hole heartedly that any marriage can be save and should if you can for the sake of your daughter but if theres physical abuse and drinking it could get bad and something really seriously happen to you and your daughter and your and her safety has to be number one only you no how bad it is and i know you probably love this man with all your heart but sometimes alittle time can change alot of this. good luck

Answer 7

Honestly, and I hope I don't offend, but he sounds like a real nasty piece of work. I'd file for divorce immediately and pin him for child support, but in the mean time you need to cut the drinking and make sure your daughter understands that NOTHING is her fault. Nothing. She is most important right now. In the long term, though, if your husband is abusive you can file for divorce.

Good Luck. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 8

Drop him like he's hot. Cut out the alcohol. Grief for the marriage. Move on. And It will take time. You guys grew apart instead of together. Show extra love and spend time with your daughter. Be good to yourself. You'll be fine.

Answer 9

Stop drinking so much! You seem to be using it to numb the bad feelings... Go to your family and get support - but tell them all upfront that you are not sure about the split and may very well get back together with him - so, make sure they understand that you need them for support, but they are not allowed to make decisions for you!!!

Answer 10

Let the a... hole go! He is not worth it. Get a job, keep your little girl safe. I am good to give advice. My mongrel husband is abusive and treats me mostly like dirt. He moves out then comes back, I am afraid what he will do if I go to the police.. What hurts most is my son seeing and hearing this stuff. I know I am weak. But let him go, if he stays out good luck to you. You'll survive if for nothing but the sake of your little girl. Good luck.