Anyone with stillborn background?

Question

I was pregnant with twins when I found out that their hearts weren't beating anymore at 20 weeks. I gave birth to them on May 9th, '07. I think the only thing getting me through this is knowing that we are going to start trying again right away. Does anyone have any advice, suggestions, etc. I'm so worried, but at the same time, everyday that goes by that I'm not pregnant is heartbreaking! Does it take long to get pregnant after giving birth, etc. Any advice will help!

Answer 1

I have been through the same thing 7 years ago, and I am so very sorry that you have experienced such a terrible and painful tragedy too. To have carried your little twins and known their closeness, maybe even begun to recognize their little personality and to of course envision of them growing with you as their mommy throughout their life is a truly sad and difficult thing. I only wish that I could hug you and cry with you a while rather than only offering my words as comfort.

, The truth is that when we lose people -- whether they are older and well established parts of our lives, or in your case,two growing lives filled with hope and promise within you who is suddenly gone, we really never "get over" such losses. They will always be part of you, honey. they will always be your little angels; you will always be their mommy and now for the rest of your life, their loss will be part of who you are, part of your own identity, just as they would have been if they had lived. You are a mommy, kiddo, and you always will be from this day forth.

So again, how do we overcome or get past such losses? Truthfully we do not. What we do is make a decision, to either be broken, forever sad, forever feeling the bitter loss of it -- or to absorb the pain, accept that this terrible thing has happened and then go on with our lives, a little stronger, a little more able to understand someone else's pain.

There is no goodness in it, There is not a bright side or a silver lining to having lost your little boy. It is bad news, a heartbreaking loss and a thing that has the potential to either make you or break you. The only good that can ever come out of this thing -- the only good that their little short life can ever serve now, is to make you a better, stronger, more loving, more empathetic, deeper person. If they had lived, they would have one day grown up to make you a very proud mommy. Because they only lives now in heaven, it is for you to make them proud of what a beautiful mommy you still are.

Don't bother with antidepressants; would you really want a drug to make you feel happy during a time that you should be mourning? Experience the pain of it; let it roll over you like waves. Go ahead and cry your tears out until your eyes are dry and red; scream into your pillow as loud as you can and weep for your little angels. they were yours, but now they are gone and you are allowed to let your broken heart bleed all over the place for a while.

After a time, you will have less tears and more wisdom; less pain and more strength; less helplessness and a greater ability to love, understand and help others. Sweetie in many ways your babies would have made you more of a woman -- more accomplished, more wise, more stable minded -- girl, they still will, because you're going to have to grow and stretch just to be able to laugh again.

Set a date, little sister, set a date to put your mourning down -- maybe Aug 9th, two months, one good night's sleep and a brand new morning sun later. On that day, on the morning of Aug 9th., get up extra early, wash your face -- splash some cold water over your skin and on your face. Squeeze the last tears out of your eyes and then go wash your face in cold water. When you are done, start your life again.

When thoughts of them come to mind, reject sadness as if it were an ugly, short little bald man with bad teeth and a big mole on his nose coming to ask you for a big sloppy kiss -- say, "NO!" and turn your back on sadness. Go ahead and imagine how they must be growing, laughing and playing with other little lost boys in heaven. Imagine them having fun like they never could have had here on earth. Don't bother talking to them or any such silliness, cause every mom knows that little boys have better things to do than comfort their crying mommies. Just think of him getting older and smarter. Think of the lovely place their is at and how they looks forward to meeting you one day many years from now. When you have more children, wait till they're a little older and tell them about their siblings in heaven; allow them to be part of your life, just as they always would have been and just as they will always be, but instead of allowing them and their little identity be defined by your loss and sadness, allow them to live on in your imagination as the growing babies that they is in a far better place.

This will not cure your pain, This will not make it all okay. You have suffered a terrible loss and your tears will not be completely dried until you yourself reach heaven one day, but in the meantime, live the kind of life that honors him, not a life of misery and sadness, but a life of joy and new beginnings. God gave them to you just long enough for you to know that they are there, so remember that they are really is there and be the kind of mommy they can be proud of when they looks down on you from heaven.

Your pain will pass and you will be stronger and better. Allow it to be so and it will be so. This is my prayer for you in Jesus' name.

Answer 2

Hi
My baby boy was stillborn in Jan 06. I went into labour on my due date & when I got to hospital he didn't have a heartbeat. We started trying again right away. In June 06 i misscarried at 7 weeks. It was so unfair all over again!! It also seemed like we were trying forever. I found out that I was pregnant again in Dec 06. I am now 29 weeks pregnant. The hospital said they will induce my labour 1 - 2 weeks early this time.
My only advice is to try if you want to & feel ready to. I don't know if I misscarried because it was too soon for my body to cope with another pregnancy that soon or was it because things were not quite right? Who knows!!
I know how you feel, every time before my period was due, I spent a fortune on early pregnancy tests & was devastated when it did arrive. Each period felt like losing another chance of a baby.
All I can say is good luck for you & your partner & any more beautiful babies you have in the hopefully near future. Nothing will ever replace the babies we have lost, whether they were lost at 7, 20 or 40 weeks, they were still children that we planned & looked forward to meeting. But a new pregnancy gives a little hope when we have been dealt the worst, most cruelest deal in life.

Answer 3

Hi , im truely sorry for your loss.
Its hard to say what to do for the best , and its a very personal thing right down to the biology of it, i know after an earlier miscarraige i literally had a period bang on 4 weeks after.
so technically it can happen soon , but later on it may take the same as actually going to term its not an exact science.
Although i dont know exactly what your going through i do understand that desperate ache to need ot fill that gap.....its all part of grieving, it feels like you cant function even breathe at times , but there is no quick way through this but the most direct way is to no ignore the hurt , try not to mask it you have suffered a terrible loss young or old death for those left behind can be agony no matter how much we try to cover up those feelings , sometimes its best just to be gutted cry shout strop or however it takes you.
So in answer to your question , physically it probably wont take so long but im tempted to say wait a while but i remebr thinking stuff you all im going to have a baby ....
However many children you have in the future it still wont take away the fact that youve gone through your situation
Just remember its ok to feel possibly wretched like you been punched in the gut like u cant breathe like the day should just end......its all part of the greiving process.....
I wish you all the best how ever it turns out .
Oh one more thing im no entirely sure btu i do beleive the most fertile time ironically is after giving birth , friend of mine was 4 weeks pregnant at her 6 week post natal check , so technially all the grief stuff aside you might well conceive quickly...
Best of luck what ever you decide...

Answer 4

I havent had still birth but I have had years of miscarrying sometimes as late as 6 months, I started trying for a baby at 20 and after 5 miscarriages, fertility treatment I gave up trying. I had my first child at 30 and then had two more straight away and now I have 4 children. Try not to stress and think about it too much, its counterproductive. Good luck.

Answer 5

I am sorry for your lost. My older sister went through that same situation ten years ago on her first pregnancy. the baby died at 39 weeks. My whole family grieve for few weeks and when she got pregnant after 3 months we asks her to stop working and stay home and get as much rest as she can. after nine months of prenancy she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. and then 3 months after the baby born she got pregnant again and another year after that she had her yourgest.
Life is a wonderful thing. Trials happens sometimes. Don't be scared, have faith in God. There may be a reason why your babies died. Your little angels are not ment for you at this time. God's give you this trial to make you stronger.
Trust God and pray because he always listen.
Good luck and hopefully you concieve soon. I'll pray for you tonight before I go to bed.
God bless.

Answer 6

hi hun!!! so sorry for yr loss, i went thru it in aug.2000, my son was stillborn at 38 weeks, i actually went into normal labour, having contractions every 3 mins. but when i got to the hospital they couldn't find the heart beat, i gave birth to him naturally i was totally devastated because my husband had gone thru a vasectomy reversal and the chances of me getting pregnant was very slim, you can imagine we was over the moon when i found out i had fallen pregnant and to have carried him for 38 weeks feeling him kicking only to have such a bad thing happen. i wish you all the luck in the world in falling pregnant again,i only wish i could...just relax and i am sure it will happen. best wishes to you x

Answer 7

I lost my baby at 19 weeks in may 05, and I am now 20weeks pregnant. It will get better, and you will be able to have another baby. Take the time to heal, and grieve. When I got pregnant again I realised I had alot of unresolved grief from my loss, and it took alot out of me (coupled with terrible morning sickenss and fatiuge!) I was constantly worried about losing this baby too, but I realised that I had to be happy, or if I lost this baby I would have no happy memories at all, just weeks of sadness and worry.

I grieve for your loss, and I wish you good luck and God's blessings.

Answer 8

you in basic terms began counseling and are in the "honeymoon" forgiveness element of reconciliation. do no longer confuse that with being waiting to make yet another infant at the same time. It took my cousin and his spouse a stable 2 years to recover from the dying of their new child...i'm getting that this is diverse for each individual yet upload an affair to that and that i'm in basic terms no longer feeling it for you. supply it time.

Answer 9

I had a stillborn baby at 21 weeks in December,1988.I went on to give birth to healthy,8 and 9 lb. babies in 1991,1993,1994,AND 1999!!
:)
Best wishes,hun.
Hugs...

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your losses. I was pregnant with triplets and two died my little one is 7 right now & i do wonder what couldve been. Your little angels are looking over you. Peace and love be within your heart my dear.