A cosmic strip of light darts across the sky
So eccentric, so bright and unforeseen
How I question its’ mystical eye
What would you rate it? Be truthful... thanks!
2007-06-04 14:03:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i'm bad at making things make sense, i'm new to poetry so I just want opinions
2007-06-04 14:07:46 · update #1
Well, the bottom sentence has to rhyme with the top, so I can't think of something that would rhyme with sky that would make sense.
2007-06-04 14:08:39 · update #2
I like it, once I read it the second time I realized exactly what you meant.
I give it an 8.5.
2007-06-04 14:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. I like it because in just three sentences i actually imagined what you were talking about. Also, I think poetry is better if it can be left to be interpreted by the reader. I like the us of metaphores, personification and mysticism. And no, poetry does not have to rhyme, its the onl work of literature that can be written as you please. I suggest you continue it, write 2 or more stanzas it will be a great poem... i'm writing one sanza of how i saw this poem and how i would continue it but obviously yours woul be great :)
The darkness in the sky hinders my pupils barren holds
Distinguished its firey glare
and clashes with my words untold
hope i helped
2007-06-04 14:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by ۩MoonLit Muslima۩ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's alright, not stupid emo crap, so you start out with a 5. The person who told you that you need to choose between a strip or an eye doesn't know what they're talking about. If you are turning it into a Professor for a class or some kind of poetry group you're fine. If you want to get it published in a magazine then you might be out of luck, those things are f^ck!ng impossible to get into and while your poem is very nice and not in anyway cheesy, it doesn't really pop.
2007-06-04 14:22:26 · answer #3 · answered by Cuit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love Haikus. But you have a mixed metaphor. Is it a strip or an eye? Rethink the image.
2007-06-04 14:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it acually quite good for a begginer im surprised but i gived it an 7 out of 10
2007-06-04 14:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by October_baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's really good BUT the last sentence,i feel, implies that your going to continue...if you dont want to continue it simply change the form of the question to a statement
2007-06-04 14:08:15 · answer #6 · answered by greenpink413 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice i really like it...i am happy to see someone actually write a poem that is not about corny love
2007-06-04 14:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by $ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's........... not bad. On a scale of 10 i would say, I dunno, a 7. Your last line seems a little out of context. It is a very original idea though!
2007-06-04 15:11:11 · answer #8 · answered by Wicked Momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋