I have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 1 year, and lived together since day 1 of our relationship. I know he wants children because we have talked about it a little in the past, but now every time I bring up the idea of starting a family he shuts down and changes the subject. I understand this is a big deal, but if he is not ready just yet that is all I need to hear, not silence, a joke, or a different subject. Any ideas on how to bring it up with scaring him away?
2007-06-04 13:50:13 · 10 answers · asked by mjb8099 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 26 and he is 34. We did talk about this before the marriage and even before we got engaged or else I would have never marrie him.
2007-06-04 14:08:29 · update #1
Just the way you told me go tell him how you feel about this and how much you want a child of his with a little bit of you mixed in. You want to kiss your child's head every night while he or she is asleep, to be there when they are sick, teach them to walk, record the time and date of their first step and hear their first words. Tell him that you are ready to be a full parent and would like to accept that responsibility.
But don't just speak, listen and compromise.
2007-06-04 15:01:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are. Maybe he feels too young to start a family yet. But it worries me that he won't DISCUSS it. If you have a strong relationship, nothing should scare him away. You are constantly dicussing your lives and your goals and your dreams. If you are not doing this, start. Tell him that communication is the most important glue in a marriage. You need to be discussing your goals in life together. Ask him, when he sees you owning a home. When does he see you having children? (Maybe he is afraid of the responsibility of becoming a parent. Is he too immature yet? Ask him what his thoughts are and why does he avoid DISCUSSION?) You really should have planned out your marriage a little better BEFORE you said "I do." Most couples make a plan ahead of time...at least a loosely crafted plan.
2007-06-04 21:01:26 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As always, this needs to be discussed before you marry. If he was not truthfull with you and now he is hedging, you made a huge mistake. You should have had a plan prior to marriage and quite frankly, five years in and he still doesn't want a family, you didn't listen. This may not be the guy you are going to have a family with. And frankly you will not change his mind. Sorry.
2007-06-04 20:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men become interested in little kids when they see infants or toddlers in a park or parties. Or their relatives have little kids and all the family activities. Men observe and formulate in their head.
And some men might have other plans they haven't worked out yet, such as going to school, job changes, etc. that they don't want complications at the moment.
2007-06-04 21:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most guys are very nervous about the whole subject, with good reason, LOL! How are your finances? Are you in debt with car loans and stupid credit cards? If so, clear all that out of the way first (pay it off.) Otherwise, sit him down and talk to him. Set a specific time frame. One of my wife's friends got tired of waiting for her husband and told him, "On November 3, I will quit using birth control." (That was a date two months in advance.) LOL!!!!! One thing you DON'T want to do is get pregnant on purpose, such as quietly going off birth control. Most guys see that as dirty pool and just might take their resentment out on the kid.
Kent in SD
2007-06-04 21:21:25 · answer #5 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he tells you the joke or changes subject, call him on it and say, 'honey, I'm serious.' How are you going to scare him off, is he going to leave you because you want a straight answer from him? Girl, he's got you well trained if you are afraid of scaring him off every time you want an answer to a question he wants to avoid.
2007-06-04 21:17:01 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's afraid you want a family now, maybe you should start out the conversation by telling him you just want to know for future refrence, that your not ready yet either, and you just want to know what to expect. maybe he'll be more apt to talking if he doesnt think he's being pressured. good luck.
2007-06-04 20:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by danielle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
open up to him and change the subject back, tell him how you feel. But, do so in a caring way
2007-06-04 23:20:29 · answer #8 · answered by Ken W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not sure about that idea,ask him directly about that because the time pass;he will answer for sure.
2007-06-04 21:08:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you're pregnant... and see how he reacts.
Only kidding. :)
2007-06-04 20:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋