I love them both and want them to be happy but my sister in law is taking it so hard. My brother istigated the divorce and no there is not another woman he just isn't happy. How can I be loyal to him and still be there for her. I told him that I have no intention of not having the same relationship with her I always have. He did not respond negatively or positively. Anyone else in or been in a similar situation?
2007-06-04 13:47:49 · 13 answers · asked by Only hell mama ever raised 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think perhaps the way to put it to your brother is that HE may be divorcing her but that doesn't mean that YOU have to also
this sounds like a very sad situation but i am glad that you are wanting to extend the hand of friendship at a time like this - if there is a sister in law of the year award i think it ought to have your name on it
2007-06-04 13:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by Aslan 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sensitive and intelligent people are able to maintain close and loving relationships even when a divorce has occurred. For example, my mom and dad divorced when I was like three years old, but they have always been the best of friends so we keep a great relation with his wife; their children are best friends with my mom's second child (from her second marriage; she is a widow now).
It all depends on the ability to put aside the reasons why a couple didn't work out, not giving space to resentment, and focus on the good things that have grown between all the people involved (relatives). As some other answerer said: they are divorcing each other, but you are not divorcing her.
Stand by both of them and help them through this difficult times. Also, if it is possible between them, you can become a bridge that allows them to maintain a friendly and well intentioned relation.
2007-06-04 14:23:30 · answer #2 · answered by melissa986 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After a fifteen yr relationship, and of that, ten yrs of marriage, I instigated a divorce without another woman. Somethings are best celebrated as friendship, and if your brother can step away and not get massacred by the lawyers, he will be better off, and so will she. If there's not too much over the dam there's hope of reconciliation. But stay out of between them, don't advise, and don't consent, just be nice as pie to both, and wait, things will work out..
2007-06-04 14:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my brother has been divorced twice. He married nice women, but he married for the wrong reasons and wasn't happy. If you want to be loyal to your brother, you just cannot invite his ex to your home when he is around. That would be just too uncomfortable. It's okay to talk to his ex on the phone, or meet her for lunch (so long as you don't let her pump you for information on your brother), but you can't keep her close in your family once she's an EX. I'm sorry, but you have to be loyal to your brother and he needs to move on. If they have kids, you'll be inviting him and the kids to your events, and not her.
2007-06-04 13:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have lost count of friends divorcing, and every time one part is a closer friend than the other, yesterday I heard that a couple we thought would last forever was also divorcing exceot he;s left her stranded financially in a foreign country.
One has to stand firm and they both need to respect one's choice of remaining friends with both sides if one wants to and not getting involved or choosing sides.
2007-06-04 14:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because I love my cousins, I chose to maintain a close relationship with my uncle's ex-wife. It can be done!
Are you the only person she has? You can still support/love your brother AND be friends with her!
Just make sure you don't let yourself get caught in the middle. Of course, your brother is more important to you but YOU CANNOT TAKE SIDES! That won't work!
2007-06-04 13:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by Matt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my husband are no long together, and me and his sister are still friend...doing the break-up i take it hard..the best thing you can do is bea friend and listen to her and be a friend. if your bother don't and problem with it that good, bu if he no that's his problem..because you are grown and he can't control who you are friend with. But don't let that effect you and her friend...and another don't really tell either of the about each life, that the best. that will help her heal faster
P.S
your brother lying about the other women, i'm pretty sure that there's ,he just don't you guy to think bad about him, because he was with is ex so long.....but there is a about women
2007-06-04 13:57:51 · answer #7 · answered by martha h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually after a divorce the non family member tend to drift off.
I think after the divorce she might get uncomfortable being around you since she is divorcing your brother. She also will have numerous things to deal with so I wouldn't hold my breath.
2007-06-04 13:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no but I can only imagine how difficult a spot this puts you in....plus, are there nieces and nephews involved? cousins? it's way more than just him and her and you'll just have to walk a fine line between being her friend and being a supportive sister. Frankly, I'd be a little put out with my brother, but one never knows what a marriage is really like unless they are in it. Good Luck.
2007-06-04 14:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother-n-law and sis-n-law (wife's brother) are obviously not talking to each other (and may be even separated, we don't know.) Wife & I like them both, so we still email both, although separately. We have agreed is to not get sucked into this or take sides. Both are decent people. BTW, everyone is shocked that knows them.
Kent in SD
2007-06-04 14:05:00 · answer #10 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋