heres a question in a kinda poetic form?

Question

What is this, thats passing me by
fools on the pavement, cars queded in lines
desperate, it seems, to get where there going
to busy to open there eyes

what is this, something thats passed me by?
rushing, waiting, searching for something
got to get this thing done in there lives
what for? what you doing?
Can't you see times allready passed you by?

He's got a job to get to, she's got a client to meet
this guys out to get his fix, she's on the war path
he' s got his mission, she has hers
It all looks really serious, no matter there clothes

whats this, thats passing me by?
a world in confusion, or a city lost in lies
nobody see's me, nobody hears me
no matter how I might try
I could collapse, dyeing on this pavement
and still, they would pass me by

Stop! Where are you going?
nobody answers, nobody says why
What can you see, with those down-cast eyes?
To commute, or not to commute, that is the question.

Answer 1

Very nice, a metaphor for life and the directions we are taking, or thinking of taking, we're all in a hurry but we don't know where we are headed.

Answer 2

Very cute. Do a grammar and spell check. For example: thats=that's; see's= sees. Love the imagery and the paraphrase of Hamlet at the end.

Answer 3

good stuff
one of the better that i've seen posted

the rush about worries of big city life
and the neglect of our human fellows
the conceit of conspicuous consumption
and the lonliness of an overpopulated society

(the last line is great)

Answer 4

Really good 'stuff'......... gets the point across, and gets you 'thinking'........ I'm a writer, and - if nothing else - can say to you, that if you can make your reader think about and (even briefly) 'feel' what you are trying to 'say'.......then you've succeeded.......
Loadsa' best wishes..............