Im married and in a verbally abusive marriage we have 4 little girls is this enough reason to divorce?

Question

He has a history of cheating also. My children are 4,3,1,and 1 month old. I guess my biggest fear is for them seeing this and my girls growing up thinking this behavior is ok. He has almost became very violent. I know once I leave him my life will be better, but I'm afraid of going throught the hurt of not having him with us. Or I think the hurt is more so of a failed marriage. Please tell me what you think I should do., I have been verbally abused so bad that I really can't think clearly!

Answer 1

Leave. Take your babies and go!

Stuff can be replaced. Your life and the babies can't.

Answer 2

I wonder why you would ask if verbal abuse is enough reason for a divorce. You seem to be looking for allies to approve of your decision to divorce, and that you will not do it unless you think there is enough reason--as determined by the opinions of others.

A self-confident woman, someone with good self-esteem, would make a decision about the divorce and stick with it. The fact that you seek approval of others for your decision, and the fact that you put up with infidelity and what you consider to be verbal abuse, tell me that there is a real possibility of self-esteem issues happening here.

Unless you deal with the self-esteem issues, you can never be happy. You can never truly love anyone unless you love yourself.

A good framework for deciding whether to end a marriage is to ask yourself, "Am I better off with this guy or without him?"

I realize that you have some difficulty thinking clearly. Is there anyone you can trust to talk to, who will not offer advice about what you should do?

A pastor or priest or rabbi would most likely encourage you to stay in the marriage and work things out. Normally, that is pretty good advice, but sometimes a marriage is so hosed that the only viable option is to get out.

Domestic abuse counsellors are very likely to encourage you to get out. Their experience is that abuse only worsens over time, and stops only when someone is hurt--or even killed. They have seen it too many times to cut an abusive husband much slack.

There were some guys on Oprah a year or so back, abusive husbands who had successfully had therapy around the reasons why they abused their wives. It was very interesting that they likened their motivation to that of an alcoholic. Booze is a failed strategy of anxiety management--and so is abuse.

Only you can answer the question regarding whether a divorce is the right thing for you. Infidelity and verbal abuse make a succesful marriage unlikely, by almost any criterion.

The most important thing is MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE PHYSICALLY SAFE--IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY WITH THIS GUY WHILE MAKING YOUR DECISION ABOUT DIVORCE. My hunch is that he'll flip if you say you want a divorce, and you could easily be in actual danger.

Answer 3

I have been where you are and worse. Im sorry for what you are going through. Yes leaving is better when you can get up in the morning and enjoy your kids without the stress of wondering what he will do or say or hearing all those hurtfull words it will be alot better starting the 1st morning. Yes it does hurt knowing you marrage has failed but honey life is to short to live it this way and your kids deserve a happy mommy not a belittled one or one that hurts the way you do. I have 2 kids of my own and I left I am now remarried to a wonderful man and I have 2 step kids my life is sooooooo much better. Good luck and if you need to talk you can email me. Good luck and God bless he is with you!!!

Answer 4

You have answered your own question by saying you know once you leave your life will be better and it will! I have suffered physical & verbal abuse and believe me it doesn't get any better and in the end the children suffer more than we realize. You have got your hands full with your kids but while they are so young don't wait any longer~just go! It's better for you & them now & in the long run cos the longer you leave it the more "emotionally drained" you will become and the harder it will be for you to cope with everyday life. Leave, and you will be so much happier & relaxed and be able to fully enjoy your kids growing up.
Good Luck & stay strong~you won't regret it!

Answer 5

First and foremost,it really doesnt matter what we think out here,but what do you want to do as youre the one who has to live with the decision and not us. Youve already admitted that youd be better off if you left him,so why are you still there? You must decide whether the pain of the verbal abuse and the possibility of turning into physical abuse outweighs the pain of living without him. The pain of living without him and moving on for the safety of you and your kids will ease with each passing day and youll move on way beyond him and be happy again. So the choice is yours; are you better off with or without him and then go for it. Good luck

Answer 6

Opinion of a complete stranger:

Leave!

No relationship is better than an abusive one! Your children can still have their father in their lives (if he can be trusted around them) but you/them do not need to be subjected to a poor relationship model.

Mom is not happy, which makes you a less effective mom.
Your children will grow up thinking this behavior is normal (if you have sons, they may think it is okay to treat women this way.)

Answer 7

You can do better alot better if he is menatally abusive and it will become physical you are better off without him i been through all of that before and i was afraid to leave and it just got worse, after 17 years enough was enough and i told him i wanted out and i left, i didn't leave because i had to small kids and that was the biggest mistake of my life by not leaving.

Answer 8

Please don't let your daughter grow up thinking that being treated like that is okay. They will grow up thinking that that's what love is. Additionally, you should get out and work on your own self esteem. I am worried about you with 4 small children and pray that you have a good support system. If you don't have a lot of family to help you should seek the help of a church.

Answer 9

Are you in a position to do this with 4 children under the age of 5? Can you financially take care of them without his help? If you really think your life will get better once you leave him, you should leave. But do you have any reason to think he's actually going to GO anywhere? Where will he go? Better think about these things, sweetie! With 4 little girls, you need to have every possible scenario worked through before you do anything.

Answer 10

whilst i do no longer have faith in divorce, I do think of it incredibly is o.k. under the circumstances of cheating or abuse; and verbal abuse is extremely plenty abuse!!!!!! i think of you and your son could be extra effective off with out him on your lives precise now. it incredibly is not good at in touch approximately your son to make sure this the two. He should not be around it! think of of him!!!!!! in line with danger a seperation woudl do good..... you and your son stay jointly someplace else or positioned your husband out till he can get some help and notice what he's doing is erroneous! in line with danger it would be a great eye opener for him! yet alongside with your son desiring maximum of your interest he doesnt prefer any form (or be around) and of negativity including verbal abuse. God Bless you and your loved ones!

Answer 11

Children are more aware of what your going through then you realize, get out now while you can.

You will be fine without him. There are alot of support groups out there for abused woman, you can contact them if your need support.

Don't worry about what other people think about your marriage it's no ones business but yours, you need to do what's right for you and your babies.

If you don't you will end up destroying your and your babies lives.

Good Luck!