My hubby what i did?Okay my husband and i got married a month and half ago after 4 yrs of dating on and off.I was very unsure about whole thing because while i love my husband but i am not in love with him the way i should be.He's an attractive guy but i am not sextually attracted to him?I felt like i had finally landed the nice guy and this was the natural progression of things.I freaked out the day of my wedding i called an ex.bf from highschool still friends to talk.I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes and i had sex with him.I am pregnant now since my husband and i always use condoms its likley not his.I feel horrible and sick about it.Consirdering just moving out i dont want to hurt him leaving a note?
2007-06-04 12:44:32 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont want an abortion
2007-06-04 12:45:14 · update #1
I don't really know what to tell you. You are up a creek without a paddle.
You had no obligation to marry your husband, but you did. Even if you don't love him like you should, you owe it to him to be honest with him and not take the cowards way out by leaving a note.
2007-06-04 12:51:16 · answer #1 · answered by mr_fantastic75 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have to tell him.
If you dont believe in abortion, and the baby isn't his (you can test before its born) put it up for adoption, lots of good parents out there need kids like yours. Also, the father (if its your ex-boyfriend) needs to be told, so he can have some say in the matter. Its half (maybe) his dna too.
If your husband can forgive you, and the two of you get through this, you need to work on this. If you aren't sexually attracted to him ... I dont know what to say. You state the two of you use condoms for birth control (they aren't 100% by the way, only about 60%) so that must mean you have sex. If you aren't attracted to him, what do you do, just lay there?
Anyhow, you had a panic attack, and a weak moment and did something monumentally stupid with someone equally stupid, and now you have to pay for it.
If you're lucky, you wont have just destroyed four lives. If not... maybe you'll learn from this mistake, and be a better person for it.
Make the right decision now, and come clean. It might make up for the bad decision you made before.
2007-06-04 20:01:18 · answer #2 · answered by KGene1969 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've just destroyed another good man. What was so great about the relationship to drag on for 4 years back and forth? Sex isn't everything but after 4 years you just figured out that you weren't sexually attracted to him. Hopefully you didn't spend a lot of money on the wedding. There is something else behind what you're saying I don't think you're telling the whole truth. If this is his first child you should have someone else at the house when you decide to tell him. Good Luck
2007-06-04 20:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by Sweets 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without questioning your morality (since that is not my business)This is what you tell your husband:
"You see John...you know how you are so happy to be a father...well you won't be...at least not so soon...and not with this baby...this belongs to someone else...but just think how much worse it would have been if I didn't get pregnant with my ex-boyfriend...then you would have never known that your wife is a cheater and you would have lived with me for a long time before finding out...so this child is really a blessing. Another good news for you is that I don't want anything from you so our divorce papers should not take so long...".
Oh by the way, I still love you but not that way...another way.
2007-06-04 20:03:40 · answer #4 · answered by Tourang B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to tell him (Not in a note or via email. Tell him) that you didn't love him and that you're carrying your ex (current?) boyfriend's child. Will he freak and want the marriage annulled? Yeah. Will you come out looking like one hell of a tool for farting around for four years, walking this guy down the aisle and then sleeping around on him inside of a month and a half? Bet on it. But the alternative (having him raise this love child as his own) is much worse.
As decent a guy as you say he is, you should know he doesn't deserve to be saddled with this other guy's kid, so do the right thing, fess up and allow him to move on. If you really love him, then you owe him at least the opportunity to move on and find a woman who does love him that way! Hopefully you and the ex (current?) boyfriend can work it out because you are linked through that child forever. And I hope for the baby's sake you get your stuff together. He/she doesn't need to come into the world with this level of drama swirling around already
2007-06-04 19:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to hurt him no matter what but it will be devastating if you allow him to think that this child is his and then end up telling him later.
Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!!!!
You need to sit down with your husband, tell him honestly that you do not now nor have you ever loved him and that you just married him out of convenience and/or obligation. That you are now pregnant with another mans baby and you need to get a divorce and move out.
Let him hurt and then heal. There is someone out there that not only will deseve him in a way that you do not but that will love him and cherish him for more than being a "nice guy" and/ or a good provider!!!
2007-06-04 19:54:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, no moral judgment's here. You need to talk to your husband and tell him honestly, with lots of apologies what happened. You need to also call the other guy and tell him you are pregnant and it might be his. One of them has a responsibility to bear.
There is the slightest possibility that child is your husbands, but even if it is I wouldn't hold out much hope for the marriage. Once the child is born, you will need to have DNA testing done. Your husband would be well within his rights to divorce you or file and annulment siting fraud.
You should probably move out, but you need to speak with your husband in person, not leave him a note like a scared little girl. Good luck.
2007-06-04 20:09:41 · answer #7 · answered by KIMBERLY D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know you made the first mistake when you agreed to marry a man you did not love with all your heart. You can't help but hurt him now. The question is,do you want to stay wiht him or not? I'm glad you want the baby, though. But you need a father for that baby. Condoms don't work 100% of the time. There is a possibility that that baby is your husband's. In fact, if you only had sex once with the bf, then it probably is your husband's child. You have a choice. If you plan to stay married to this man, have the baby and keep quiet. If you plan to divorce him, then tell him the whole truth and raise the baby alone if he leaves.
2007-06-04 20:06:44 · answer #8 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The right thing to do is tell him...
It might be difficult but it is better to get it out of the way now before it is too late.
What you also need to figure out if you really want to work things out with your husband. If you do not love him why did you marry him in the first place? What is done is done... no way to go back in time to correct anything.
Just don't lie to yourself nor those who care for you... Now that you are pregnant you need to also think about that blessing inside your womb...
Also, let the father of the baby know you are pregnant and see if he will step up.
Good luck in your situation and may God bless you and give you the strength you need to deal with this.
2007-06-04 19:53:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you haven't done the right thing so far,do it now. Save your new husband from a horrible life with someone who doesn't want him and having to deal with a child that is not his. What were you thinking? Marriage isn't about settling. It is so much more important a decision and you chose to make it so little. Give your husband a break and offer him the chance to lose you. He deserves a woman who really loves and wants him to make a life.
2007-06-04 20:31:05 · answer #10 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋