How long do you grieve?

Question

If you've lost someone who had been part of your daily life, like a parent, spouse or child, how long did you experience acute grief? How long did it take before you could get through a day without feeling horrible? I know I will never be the same, but when will I be close to normal?

Answer 1

Grieving takes time, and there is no one who can say how long. I've lost plenty, though not a child or parent or sibling, but for some, there is no grieving, while others can take a lifetime to grieve. I am sorry for your loss. And you are normal right now.

Answer 2

Dude - no one can tell you the answer. It takes you as long as it takes you. We all deal with life and death differently and, in many cases, we never get close to 'normal'. It also depends on the closeness of the relationship that you had with the person and your personal level of emotion and attachment (it's different for everyone). People in some cultures have a prescribed mourning period, during which 'deep grieving' when it is acceptable, followed by a return to normal behavior. For other cultures, grief is seen as an indulgence, and people are expected to carry on with their daily lives, mourning privately and silently.
It is true that you will never be the same but, from the time that you met this person, you were not the same. Every experince that the two of you shared changed you in some way. The loss, the horribleness and the feeling of being cheated out of something will...lessen with time. Your life 'without him/her' will become normal - you will think about him/her a little less, the vacancy will get a little smaller and your emotional response to a memory will grow a little softer (my best friend died seventeen years ago - I still miss him and think about him often).
For now, roll around and wallow in your grief, mope and wear black and listen to 'dark' music, throw tantrums and walk in the rain, cry and curse and read poems about dead flowers, eat gallons of ice cream and whole pans of brownies and anything else that gets you over...but don't forget the good times. I'ts the good memories that will come to mind later on, when you're in another place and time and your life is, well...normal.

Answer 3

I have always felt that after a year, you are over the worst hurdle, but there is no time frame for grief. I have found the first birthday, Christmas etc. to be the hardest and then you get to the anniversary of their death. You don't have to feel that you are a bad person if you try to get on with your life. Things will never be the same but you can be happy again.

Answer 4

Grieving is an emotion that can last one day, or 1000 days. Much of it depends upon how someone interprets grief. When my mother passed away, I was very, very sad. I was even filled with anger, depressed, guilty that I had not done enough for her. I was overwhelmed by many emotions - all wrapped up in grief. But, I was unable to stay there for long. The human mind, unless completely unstable, is able to free itself from some hindrances. It is unhealthy to remain sad, depressed, and grieve for a long time. Time is the only thing that can help you ease from one situation to another. Also, what you feed your mind can help you make that move. I knew my mom was ill. I knew that she would not be healthy in her condition, I also knew that she had 86 long, exciting years. She had contributed to the world, she had children, had seen grandchildren and had served her purpose on this battlefield. She loved the Lord and the Word teaches that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. The belief system that one has is also another reason they are able to sustain grief in a short period of time. My mind would not let me stay in grief. I began to think of happier times and memories that I can keep alive by sharing with my daughter, my nieces and nephew. The pictures that we have of family members will live on and on.

Answer 5

I think a lot of it depends on the type of relationship you had with that person, and on your personal beliefs in an after-life. I had a poor relationship with my father, always trying and not able to fully win his love and approval. When he passed unexpectedly, I was more angry than anything else. It took me about six months to let go of the anger, and to feel sadness that he would never know me as an adult, never know his grandsons, and I don't think he was ever truly happy with HIS life, and that made him so critical of me. When my grandmother died, I grieved that she was gone and I would never see her again. I sat and cried with my mother and sister the day we got the news. The accute pain of loss was tempered by the knowledge that she was no longer suffering. She had a terminal brain tumor and had been recieving Hospice care for the last three months. She was free from the pain and prison that her body had become. I still miss her as much as I did the day we got the news, as the twentieth aniversary of her passing approaches. I see her face in my mother's as she nears the same age. I remembered and smiled and wished she could be here as I watched my son accept his High School Diploma last Saturday night. I am fighting back tears as I write this. I believe, in my heart, that both my grandmother and my father are still watching. I don't recieve "signs" or experience "hauntings" or "visitations", I just believe that there is a place for us after death. A place where we make peace with ourselves and wait for the others to join us. That makes my losses easier.

Answer 6

First, in order to stay sane, take it one day at a time. Second, I would say, "as long as it takes." You cannot assign a timeline to something like grief. There will always be something that reminds you of that person.

Answer 7

Well for me the 1st was really hard. exe... 1st birthday 1st anniversary of death. So if i had to give you a time frame I would say about 2 years, but grief is so diferent in every case. we will always miss and love our loved ones but well see them all one day again.

Answer 8

I have lost my parents and a few friends but the longest time it took to recover the loss was when my dog Ripley died. It has been over two years and ywt there is not a simgle day that I haven't miss her.

Answer 9

Time heals all wounds. you will be wiser and stronger and know how valuable life really is and not take it for granted.
everyone is different. I lost 5 family members in 3 yrs so i know very well. what dont kill you makes you stronger.

Answer 10

you cant forget it, but it might take months or years to stop the feeling of crying-ness. God will heal you over time tho