what do you think of my poem?

Question

"Party of One"
i speak for my stomach
translating its silence
It doesn't growl
but i feed it somehow.
it is fed what i want
and not what it needs
but wants are needs
like a flower to its seeds.

i dance with my soul
as i devour the slices
each bite sparks a flame
of concise liveliness
yet it leads to shame
like a child to its guardian

i weep with myself
in the absence of tears
for my incessant mental hunger
and its appetite for destruction.
but its darker than it sounds,
and its deeper than it feels
its a silent cry for reconstruction

it is my habit of eating away
the inedible but curable.
my emotional imbalance
in solitude, in suffering,
insanity.
instead of sleep
i stay up to eat,
it's the only thing that makes me smile.
and it keeps me away from the shrinks
the shrink shares an enemy
common to those of femininity
there's a reason we call it the devils cake.
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wrote dis durin my binging period
could use a touch up,so its a rough draft. tell me wut changes can be made

Answer 1

That's really good! It flows smoothly! It's nice!

Answer 2

I cant find any mistakes and trust me I read it three times lol... I love the intensity of the poem and the reader can relate somehow to it. I suggest however that you use less punctuation in between the lines, remember this is a poem, perfection is not neccesary and it would give a better flow. the rhyme sceme is nice, and the ending sums the poem up, but I would love to see a different version of the last line... It would be much nicer if is was left a bit ambigous.

Also, pay close attention to your stanzas. You should put a bit more structure by giving them an equal number of lines...

a great work over all, looking orward to the final draft.

Answer 3

It's full of dark imagery, which is an excellent poetic device. Now, for the problem, not with poetry, but with real life. The "shrink" is not your enemy. Your enemy is somewhere inside you. It is NOT insanity, but it IS a problem that has to come out. So, no more "silent" cries. Cry out loud. Scream. You know you need help. The shrink is your friend and so is poetry. They are not mutually exclusive. You're much too young to be suffering like this.

Answer 4

its good but way too long its almost a short story!!!

Answer 5

It's great , it also rhymes too