To those out there who have over-come social anxiety-how did you do it?

Question

I've working in the service industry for almost five years-two waitressing, nearly three bartending, so working with the public is not helping (actually, I think it is making it worse.)

Trying to imagine that everyone is below me doesn't work either. As hard as I may try, I could never be that delusional.

Answer 1

First of all I want to tell you that you are not alone and this is very common and in fact everyone should have a some degree of anxiety in social situations.

It is also very common for people to do fine in work situations where roles are clearly defined. You don't have to think about what is right or appropriate.

The root of social anxiety is being afraid of embarrassing yourself, looking stupid, doing something dumb etc. We then become overly careful, over think, over analyze and then perhaps avoid situations that appears to bring up anxiety. We then have the false belief that we are not good in those situations and destine to fail.

For me, social anxiety was overcome by doing two approaches.

1. Self talk
What you say to your self makes a big difference. Telling yourself affirmations like "you're OK", "Things will be fine" "this feeling will pass", "Nobody is worrying but you and no one knows but you that things might be wrong when they aren't". Even when you feel like things are going bad and anxiety comes up, telling yourself things like, "I'll get through this", "This won't kill me"

2. Practice
The more you do this, the more confident you will get. Start off taking small steps. Its always better to show up late and leave early then not show up at all. Work your way up to things meeting with a group of 3 and working your way up to a party of 10. But you will also get better at this during time. Do not let bad experiences define your life, in fact any effort to socialize with people is a success, regardless of what happens during that time. As you become more successful you will become more confident and be able to dispel the myth that you are not good with people or not good at social situations. Once this belief is challenged it will have less of hold of your feelings of anxiety. Also getting better is not about becoming anxiety free, but being able to reduce and manage the anxiety you do have.

Answer 2

Social anxiety can cause these feelings, which can also lead to severe depression,
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/ds...

There is hope; I've been there, and still am there, it is a long, hard struggle. I recommend
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cognitive_b... worked best for me, with mild anti-anxiety meds. I suffered from social anxiety for over 15 years. I've tried individual therapy, and group therapy and studied psychology for 10 years, as a profession, but also with the hope to cure myself.

Depending on your comfort level, you could go to a psychologist that practices CBT and specializes in anxiety disorders, seek a group therapy, or create one. Usually those that do attend the group therapy are a bit more high functioning because as you know, it can be difficult to speak in a group.

Another idea is to see if there are any local research studies being conducted that you could participate in.

The program that finally worked the best for me is this one: http://www.socialanxiety.us/findinghelp.... and I was lucky enough to have a structured behavioral group to go along with it. Sometimes the people that actually attend this program come back home and form groups.

I recommend a mild anti-anxiety med in addition to CBT therapy.

Any questions, let me know ... I can't tell you how much this has improved my life!


Another great website: http://www.markway.com/acceptance/menu.h...

Answer 3

Let me preface this by saying - THIS IS NOT THE WAY. I am telling you this only because it is what I did and further down the road it caused me greater anxiety. I believed that drinking would open me up and allow me to be the funny, relaxed person that I really wanted to be. It did relax me, made me funny. Later however, I became dependant upon the drink to exercise my social skills every time. I no longer drink. I had to face this issue and realize that being socially anxious can only be cured by just being your self. Smile, relax, learn to engage in conversations that you know about, read the newspaper, books, get involved other things that will help you develop that ablity to talk and be friendly in social events. Read books of jokes (good ones!) Find things that you can positively comment on about people that might open you up to them. Good luck - and never use drink or drugs as a way to exhale your anxiety.

Answer 4

I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway

Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?

Answer 5

i'm quite socially nerve-racking myself -- I purely "click" with some human beings, and am no longer comfortable socially with the rest except there's one in all those few around i will conceal in the back of (metaphorically, a minimum of). i'm ok in a company/classification putting, yet while it turns social, i'm unexpectedly all psychological elbows and knees and left feet. I have been given incredibly depressed for some years (often by outdoors impacts) or perhaps had worry going out and getting the newspaper or mail, for worry of assembly the pals. So I even have some inkling of what it sounds like. It seems such as you have made a start up, by using ingesting in the cafeteria, even in off hours (you are going to be able to desire to be hiding on your room with a warm plate and microwave) and by using transforming into a member of a club (i wish this is for a undertaking you experience genuine pastime in!) stable for you. between the numerous issues to understand is, you're judging your self way greater advantageous than all people else is. what's it which you think of you're falling short in? Why do you think of others could seem down on you? ... Now, what might desire to you do to make those issues greater helpful? you do no longer might desire to bounce on each and every thing at as quickly as.. that gets frightening and discouraging. wreck it down into smaller bits you could accomplish slightly at a time. obese, perchance? try walking around campus for workout (additionally a stable thank you to get slightly greater used to being around others -- hardly lots verbal substitute mutually as walking, so little to be frightened approximately, yet you do get some exposure). experience boring? ... what are you attracted to which you have no longer tried? try a classification, even in basic terms an enrichment classification, in the region. Or pass to a prepare on the topic. Or a club (which you have, stable!) permit your self try new issues that pastime you. You get the assumption, i wish. as quickly as you experience greater helpful approximately your self, it does get greater convenient to stand individuals -- that little voice in the back of your head, telling you which you're actually not stable sufficient, that they are going to look down on you or chortle, could have lots much less to declare.

Answer 6

I don't think I've even experienced it. But I always say practice, practice, practice. Get a job that involves talking to people. Especially a retail store. Eventually you just get used to it.

Answer 7

By realizing that NOBODY is better than YOU are, and that your presence is JUST as powerful & influencial- as anyone elses. In short; YOU rock! :)

Answer 8

I started looking at humans as if they were all maggots eating away at this decaying society and suddenly I realized......I'm better than them!!!!