I really need advice on what is right and wrong. My wife and I seperated in Sept last year.?

Question

Anyway, we have 2 kids and seperated due to her lies and not wanting to support my business as I had helped her start her own. After the seperation I wanted councilling and she flatly refused as she just wanted space, which was fine. During our 7 year relationship said she hated me, lied, stole from a business account and did not accept her responsibilities (I did the cooking and ran the household budget). I asked her if she had cheated on me and she said she had not, which I believed as she is a christian. 9 months on I have moved on,am happy looking after our 2 boys 3 days a week, she knocks on my door saying she has some confessions.She wants to tell the truth and has told me that she did cheat and has been with 6 guys in the time we have been seperated yet has only ever wanted me.Says one guy has threatened her with violence.Has she come back to me because I am a good provider and husband or is she scared. Do I accept apology,goto counceling,Does she deserve my love/trust? Help

Answer 1

You're in a tough spot. It's really up to you and what you want. If you let her come back, can you honestly forgive and forget? Can you freely trust her again? Counseling would certainly be the first mandatory step. IF you want it to work, let her know she has to earn your trust. Give it a trial period. Better yet, why not try dating again before she moves back in? Not only do you need to take care of yourself, what about your kids? Do you really want them exposed to the potential of this repeated behavior? Good luck.

Answer 2

Until your divorce is final,you are still married.
If she has lied,cheated and stole from you and your business account,she is not a christian .
If she refused to perform her duties as a wife and mother and been with other men even though you are separated,she is not
deserving of your trust-you can still love her,but you don't have to trust her.
She is probably wanting to get back with you because of the threats (if real) made against her.
Get into counseling with her as a condition to reconciling and getting back together.
If she goes back to her old ways,you can always divorce her.
Weigh your choices carefully,in the end only you can make the decision about what to do.
If you get back together,it will be along time before you can ever really trust her,if at all.

Answer 3

You sound like you have moved on and you're happy. She came back because apparently the grass wasn't so green on the other side. I'd wish her well and close the door on the relationship. If she truly loved you and it was meant to be, she wouldn't have lied, cheated, not supported you in your business, left you, etc. You are setting yourself up for unnecessary heartbreak and stress if you let her back in your life. Accept her apology and tell her you wish her well and then let that be it. You will have to see her now and then for the kids' sake, but leave it at strictly business. You've come a long way and you're doing good. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

When you gave her your love and trust, she wanted space, stole money and did not take care of her responsibilities. It is hard to tell why, but she wants you back now...6 boyfriends later. It is probably all you mentioned, good provider, husband, plus being scared. She's looking out for herself.

It is totally up to you if you decide to give her your love and trust again. From my personal experience it is very hard for me to really trust my husband after he cheated and lied to me and it has been years in our case. I'm still on the fence about whether I can stay in the marriage.

You said you have moved on and are happy. Why mess that up? I could be wrong, but I think trying to work it out with your wife will bring you unhappiness. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong with accepting her apology - that doesn't mean that you are placing your 100% trust in her again- no matter what, your lives are intertwined of course because of your children.
Regardless of her reasons for coming back to you, if you think she is legitimately being threatened you do have an obligation to try to help or protect her any way you can for your childrens' sake, to protect their mother.
This doesn't mean you have to consider the relationship repaired or rekindled in any way - just that you are doing your best as a father for your children.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Did you like being married to her? Were you ok with the way things were? If you were fine, then by all means, go back to her, and give her your love and trust. Because when you're back together, things will be just as they used to be.

If you don't want more of the same, then just keep doing what you're doing, and let her sort out her own mess. She sounds like a drama queen to me, I'm sorry.

Answer 7

That is a very good question. I may have to concur with one of the responses. You sound like an excellent person. If she is truly sincere, then forgive her, and make it work. But if any doubt remains, then it may be best to abandon any effort at reconciliation, because in the back of your mind, that knowledge of her confession will always be there.

My second wife and I were married for about six and a half years before I filed for divorce. I cheated on her, and my rationalization of it was that I was being humiliated, yelled at, not taken seriously, embarrassed by her and not appreciated for the things that I did for her and her two children. I left a $45,000-a-year job to start my own business and to spend more time with the family (2002 was a very bad year for me). She found out about it, and went out of her way to make life miserable for me...long story short, she fell in love with one of her co-workers, who is currently her landlord, and rubbed my face in it as much as she possibly could. After all my attempts at reconciliation and her continuing to be mean, I gave up and filed for divorce. She no longer has the children, from last time I checked, has no lovelife, as her landlord/love interest/boyfriend is living with his youngest daughter and her mother and have an "understanding", and is probably upset at me because I moved on with someone else that I got married to and moved out of the state to be with my new family.

Go figure.

The point is, you do not have to be unforgiving, but you do have to be watchful.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you are the only one out of 7 guys that will put up with her crap.
She has put your children in a dangerous situation if she has someone threatening violence. I would try to get full custody of the kids and stop believing her lies.

Answer 9

Sometimes people need to be set free to see that the world isn't a fairy tale or a dream thats in her head..sometimes a little rough times makes you appreciate what someone has losted. That is a call only you can make.

Answer 10

That's something only you can decide. But if she came back only because she was scared and not that she was sorry then I would say that she is not worth giving a second chance because she will just do it again.