A very close friend of my wife's is so close it makes me feel uncomfortable. My wife is quite flirty but this is different to flirting - they act like a couple. Whenever we are out as a group I don't get to walk with my arm around my wife because he always has his around her. On one occaision she was holding his hand, so I held her other hand - she kept dropping mine until I went away and later told me that I had made her feel uncomfortable. This man has told her that he loves her. My wife has assured me that she only loves me and would never leave me, yet I seem to see less of her than he does. My biggest problem is that I don't know how to bring this up without sounding like the jealous husband trying to keep her from her friends. Should I say anything?
2007-06-04 11:40:21 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have now talked to her about this and she said she said she was very sorry and hadn't realised. Next time we go out she says she will make sure she gives me plenty of attention. However she also commented that she is a "touchy-feely" person and so she's not going to stop giving her friends a hug or linking arms. I pointed out that friend "in general" is not so much the point as friend specifically. I do believe her that nothing is actually going on, but I also think he is taking advantage of her naivety. Thank you for the advice and I'll see how it goes next time we are out.
Sorry if this seems a bit wussy, but I just don't think punching her friend is the best first solution.
2007-06-06 03:39:20 · update #1
Without a doubt, her actions are improper. I can see this very clearly and jealousy has nothing to do with it because I don't know you.
If I were a betting man, she is already involved with him. Despite her words, her actions don't support it. I would actually suggest perhaps making a scene the next time this happens in public. The fact that you are not comfortable with another man holding hands and providing her with public affection is understandable. They need to knock it off.
2007-06-04 11:45:13 · answer #1 · answered by ciberpunk1 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A man will feel most comfortable coming clean about his affairs under two general circumstances: 1. He is dying. He won't have to live with the consequences. 2. He doesn't care what she thinks or feels. Psychologically, at least, he has already left the relationship and doesn't have to live with the consequences. Less comfortable would be: 3. He is so full of himself and wrapped up with his own needs so badly that he just can't stand to carry the guilt by himself anymore and needs to burden her with the tawdry details. His need for punishment is more important than sparing his wife any suffering. If he were a man and felt guilty, he would stop what he was doing and then carry the burden of guilt on his own as a reminder of what he shouldn't ever do again rather than torturing his wife and ruining his marriage.
2016-04-01 02:15:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you should say something to her if it bothers you. This is not normal behavior, them walking arm in arm holding hands. Sorry but it sounds like her words to you are meaningless. She's just trying to throw you all the while having her fun. Ask her how she would feel if the table was turned. If she truly loves you she would draw the line somewhere and not cross it. She should know you enough to know that this behavior hurts you. What in the world does she mean by saying it makes her feel uncomfortable when you try holding her hand. This is serious. Marriage is not a game. Take heed man. Ask some questions. Get to the bottom of this. If she chooses her friend over you, you know what time it is. Take care
Peace and Love
2007-06-04 11:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by moogles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell this guy to f off this is your wife and he is
crossing way to many boundaries. I'm sorry to say if my wife hbad done this to me dropping my hand and holding this guys hand I would say I will be going home to pack your bags.
It appears that your wife cares more about this guy then you what kind of marriage is that. I seriously think you must tell your wife she needs to make a choice it's him or me because at the moment she seems more attached to this friend.
Your not being jealous your trying to protect your marriage and the women that you love.
Come on it is time for her to choose tell this friend it is over and for him to stay out of her life or possibly she may want a divorce. Really though is it worth it staying with her if this guy is tagging along and she is always hanging off him while you
stand in the shadows?.
God Bless and I hope you come to a conclusion that works for all parties involved.
Question why do you not find a Lady that you could be friends with and treat this lady like she treats this friend of hers and see how she likes it?.
Come on man she is COMPLETELY DISRESPECTING YOU, YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR FEELINGS. If she doesn't think you mind then she will continue to do this. Do not be shocked if she tells you she has been having an affair with this guy because she sounds pretty close to him more then a friend if you know what I mean!.
IT IS OVERDUE TIME TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-06-04 11:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES!! You need to sit down with her and ask her how she would feel if the tables were turned around. If she replies no big deal she is not being honest.
While I think it is normal for men to have women friends and women to have male friends after marriage, there is still a line that can be easily crossed. have gave a hug to old male friends of mine as we have come across each other paths again,but to consistently have a close touch with another man is not normal in a typical marriage and for her to drop your hand while continuing to hold his is extremely disrespectful to you. Id be very upset. But it depends on what you think of your marriage and how it should be. In my opinion It shows that she cares more about his and her feelings than yours and that needs to be addressed. She may not realize what she is doing is hurting you, but if she really does love you and respects your marriage she will work on it and make better choices on her closeness with another man. And if you have an open door marriage, well then ?? Good luck
2007-06-04 14:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by Broken but not Beat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is NOT always a bad thing, and this is a perfect example.
Their behavior is that of a couple, NOT that of good friends, and you need to let her know that you aren't here to support her while she hangs out with him.
Honestly, if they're doing the things you suggest, I'd assume that there's an affair happening, even if she says there isn't. He's acting posessive of her, and he has no right to.
Tell her that you're sorry, but if she can't respect you, and since he obviously doesn't respect you, their relationship has to end NOW, or your marriage does.
That will tell you exactly where their relationship, and yours really is. If she values your marriage, she'll "break up" with this "Friend"
Good luck.
Take a stand for good guys everywhere, and refuse to be her doormat.
2007-06-04 13:30:05 · answer #6 · answered by KGene1969 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh sounds like she is cheating on you. If she goes out in public with the 2 of you and you holding her hand made her feel uncomfortable there is something seriously wrong. If i was you i would have said she is my wife get your hands off. You are a fool if you would let another man and your wife be so disrespectful to you. I would not leave them alone together. He is after her and you are gonna lose.
2007-06-04 12:57:19 · answer #7 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a man who always takes the direct approach I don't play games and ask and get respect. First thing you do is come right out and let your wife know that you don't like it and you want it to stop. If she claims it's harmless then tell that it should be easy to stop then and that you want the same respect you give her. Next when your all together and this jerk puts his arm around your wife just walk up to him and pull it off and let him know point blank you don't like it. If he has something to say them tell him if he was a real man he would have a wife of his own to put his arm around.........
2007-06-04 12:03:55 · answer #8 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES say omething you have the right to bring it up that man have no right to be holding your wife's hand nooooooo way! he sound as though he is moving into your space with your wife you and your wife need to cut his friendship off and if you are afraid to do so it's going to cost you your marriage eventually. open your eyes they both do not respect you at all they are very disrespectful in your presence geesh I wonder what they do when you are not around holding hands is for couples mommy and daddys holding their children hands not for male friends of your wife noooooo way! If they are not intimate they will be soon because when she dropped your hands and held on to his that my friend is a big sign please donot be the dummy here if you tell her not to see him again the truth is going to explode because she is not going to stop I think that there is more to this then what meets the eye!
2007-06-04 11:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by crystal_clear_0000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Holy Cow---Draw a line in the sand and you will quickly find out how serious it is. Does not sound like a friendly situation to me but a fidelity situation. Deal with your wife first. Give her an ultimatium----and if that doesnt work---take action.
The guy sounds like he is getting his kicks by acting this way in front of you----She might be surprised if push comes to shove. However: you have a bigger problem. The fact that she is focusing attention on someone else, regardless of the friendship, is a great warning flag. Trouble ahead.
2007-06-04 11:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by glenn t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋