I know this is a pretty dumb question. My husband and I seperated for a year, we are back together, but I think he is sharing OUR money with his exgirlfriend in GA. He puts money in his old account that he no longer needs, because we have a joint account together...so my question is why would he need a seperate account if we pay our bills out of one account? Any questions I can ask him to let him know I am onto him or any secret ways to figure this out?? Please no rude remarks...I feel stupid enough already!!
2007-06-04 11:17:41 · 14 answers · asked by Bailey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only real way of knowing is to ask him. Does he get a statement in the mail? Does he do is banking on line? Does he keep his passwords accessible? Is he also depositing YOUR money into this account? If so, you have every right to know. Open your own account until you know exactly what's going on. Give him X amount for bills and bank the rest. Maybe he's just saving money? Ask him.
2007-06-04 11:23:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's entitled to have separate accounts and separate property, just as you do. He doesn't need to put all his money into the joint household account; just as you are entitled to keep some of your ouwn money separate for your own needs.
So while there's nothing wrong with him having his own accounts, it would DEFINITELY be wrong for him to share accounts with his ex. If you have access to his social security number, it would be easy enough to order his credit report from TransUnion, Equifax, or Experian, and then you can see which accounts he has active and at which banks.
You can also take the approach of wanting to become a "partner" in the family finances - try reading "Smart Couples Finish Rich" and "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach for discussion and ideas.
2007-06-04 12:14:35 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I wouldn't do it. If he left to be with/because of someone else, and only wants back in now, when HIS needs are greater, I'd say "No thanks", as tough as that seems. If it was my husband who hadn't left, the situation would be different - I'd be there for him, but an EX? He is using guilt/your old feelings to get you to let him stay "his blonde bimbo 20-something girlfriend left him a month ago saying she couldn't deal with the stress." and "A nurse at his home is running his bank account dry.", and "He isn't able to live alone and none of his family is alive." so he has no where else to go, and can't afford to live by himself? So NOW he wants to be with you? But only now? I work in the Community Services field and KNOW how much strain being a full time carer can place on people. I see it at work all the time. Its easier for the Carer if there's a deep abiding LOVE for that person to help ease some of the strain, but if there's a "past" and not much else, the strain will soon get too great. Then where will you two be? Him begging to stay, a you finding a building resentment that this man should take so much and offer so little in return. Also you need to research on the Net, and through Community Groups/Carer's Support organization etc., exactly how involved/hands on this caring will be. It can be physically demanding (especially if he's paralized), emotionally stressful dealing with both yours and his frustrations at the limitations of the situation, is 24/7, 365 days a year, and involves making a LOT of sacrifices and adjustments. Do you know if his condition is going to get better or worse over time? Do you know how you are both going to cope with his condition, as you age, as is inevitable? Will he be able to return to work in some capacity? Or is he permanently out of the workforce? There are options for Care available to help you do this, should you choose to take it on. There are several services available to assist you meet his needs - Home Care (cleaning services), Personal Care (assistance with his showering, feeding, meals etc.), Assistance with Shopping/Outings, Respite - either in your home or in a short term care facility (to give BOTH of you a break from the responsibility), Adult Day Care (so he can be supervised while you work), Planned Activity Groups (that take into account his medical condition). There are Carer's Groups that can help you both learn ways of coping, of being able to accept help without feeling guilty, that will assist you with information and contacts and that can assist you to get the breaks from responsibility that you both need. There are a lot of services that offer a sliding scale for payments, depending on the ability to pay. The other option is to look into permanent care - Aged Hostel/Nursing home/Group Home.
2016-05-21 05:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by marci 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, ya better start stashin some cash! You could check out the bank statement for his account and see whats going on in there, or run a credit report on him and check that way. OR, you could just ask him flat out...put him on the spot and see what he says!
2007-06-04 11:40:34 · answer #4 · answered by Aubrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If It was me who was going though this I would do some investigating on my own ask some questions also do some
snooping around check the mail I know he has some monthly statements.coming in. And also It:s not a bad idea to have you a seprate bank account too just in case something goes down. you have something to fall back on. good luck....
2007-06-04 11:32:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure you can. However, I would be more concerned with the fact that it doesn't sound like you trust him. I am not sure it is the best idea to reconcile if you can't trust your husband. Looking over your shoulder is not a fun way to live. Additionally, unless she was pregnant or had a child by him, I am not sure why he would give her money?
2007-06-04 11:21:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel about it.
and if you know he is lieing dump him like last years shoes!!
tell him that you dont want a husband that share your hard working money with his ex.
thats what i did when ever my boyfriend said that he liked my friend more than me!!GO 4 IT!!!
the thing that will really show that he loves you is if he comes running back.
2007-06-04 11:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds fishy to me. Personally, I would discreetly consult the services of a Private Investigator to help with your situation. They are experienced in finding things that can't be found.
2007-06-04 11:29:00 · answer #8 · answered by J T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just run a credit report on him, you should have access to this information if you are his wife. It should show all open accounts.
2007-06-04 11:27:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think there is a way of knowing legally with whom he shares your money with
but if you can prove to your attorney that there is money loundering going on then YES, you can
the judge can force him to release all assests including $
2007-06-04 11:22:56 · answer #10 · answered by megaherzfan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋