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I ask this question because I'm doubting myself. The reason for doing so is because my husband says that I see things only in black and white.My husband walked out on me and says he's moving on with his life.Me trying to save the marriage I sent him an email suggesting that we go to marriage counsellings. .I told him that I loved him and know that we can make it with the help. He said no. About 3 years ago he agreed to go with me to counseling. He went for one session and the first argument we had he says that he wasn't going back to counseling again.I tried reasoning with him reminding him of everything that we talked about in counseling and how we would handle ourselves during our first fight. But I couldn't get through to him.I couldn't help feeling that he didn't really love me . Because he refused to go back when we really need to. Am I wrong to think like this? if your husband refuses to go to counseling when it's so necessary . That it's because he doesn't love you enough?

2007-06-04 10:46:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

9 answers

Give him time and space, hopefully he'll come to his senses. The last thing he wants is to hear from you right now is how to save the marriage. Don't go crying to him or begging him for anything, this will just drive him nuts and push him further away. This will be extremely hard to do, but just leave him alone and start preparing yourself for a future without him. Seek devorse care through a church and go to counciling for yourself. If you believe in God trust in him to work this out.

2007-06-04 11:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by Phil 3 · 0 0

I cannot give you a fully informed answer because I do not know some important details, but my hubby and I have almost called it quits for a number of reasons. I suggested counseling with our pastor, we did it, and some things got better, but not enough to really make a change. I tried to put my foot down and change things. Do not do that one, it was not productive. I will tell you what worked. I read a book and applied the lessons. It is The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Yes, I know it sounds like some thing out of the 50's, but this saved my marrage and we are happily married. The partner book to it is Woman Power. The author is Dr. Laura Schlesinger. I love this woman.

2007-06-04 11:59:14 · answer #2 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 0 0

Hmmm.... This is a tough scenario. The words you are using are strong words, such as "refuses". In order for a relationship to be "saved", both parties need to commit to its success. I don't think it is a matter that he doesn't love you enough, but is he committed to the marriage enough? Women see things differently then men do. I get the sense that you are pleading and you even used the word "save" when referring to yourself. I don't hear a lot about him wanting to "save" this marriage. But, this doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's quite possible that maybe the therapist you are using isn't working for the two of you. I strongly suggest a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. Run, don't walk, to your nearest store to pick up a copy. It discusses loving your partner in their own love language. The five love languages are: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Physical Touch. It's possible that your husband doesn't feel love coming from you. For example, if his love language is Words of Affirmation, and you are providing Acts of Service, he may not recognize this as a symbol of your love. He may only recognize Words of Affirmation. It's amazing how a buildup of pain, hurt, resentment, and anger can "turn off" feelings of love. They become so buried that we convince ourselves we don't love or care for the other person. In actuality, we do. We just can't feel it because we are numb from the past hurts. Make sense? Hope this helps!

2007-06-04 11:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sounds like your husband is ready to move on with or without counseling. The truth is you can't do anything about it. I highly suggest that you get counseling for yourself even if he doesn't join you. You will be all the better for it no matter what happens in your life.

2007-06-04 11:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by Brent 6 · 1 0

As sad as it is, YOU can't get your husband to cooperate, go counseling, or anything else. You can control your own issues. You made a good move in asking him to go to counseling with you. That's all you can do. If he won't go, won't listen, doesn't want to try to save your marriage, you have to move on. I know it's ripping you apart, but you need to start thinking about taking care of yourself and getting yourself healthy and back on your feet. Take care of you...it's all you can control.

2007-06-04 10:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by sassyredhead1968 2 · 0 0

Sounds like it's over. There is no marriage left to save. Sorry.

You may still want to see a psychologist to help with your issues surrounding the marriage and the break-up (and eventual divorce).

I don't see any reason to get your husband into counseling, as he shows no desire to salvage the marriage.

Best of luck.

2007-06-04 10:56:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

I will never go to counseling with my wife because she is a liar and there is no point to be counseled by someone if you are not going to tell the truth.

2007-06-04 10:55:26 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0 0

If hes not willing to do everything and anything to save your relationship, then I would say hes had it in his mind the you two were over for a while.. somethings just arent meant to be.

2007-06-04 10:54:07 · answer #8 · answered by Jen 3 · 0 0

Your husband "walked out" on you and advised that he's, "getting on with his life".
What about that sentence didn't you understand.
Sounds like it's truly over, to me.


He's done and has made it plain and clear.
Now, it's up to you to do the same.

2007-06-04 12:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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