I love my Husband of 28 years, and he loves me. However, we are no longer "close".?

Question

I am a fairly successful person. I make more money than he does. Recently, we have just purchased a rental property. This past weekend I went furniture shopping with my mother, and we used my credit card for her purchases. We agreed that when the bill came in, she would pay me. (Due to credit issues my parents have no credit cards). I know they will pay the bill as soon as the bill arrives, and I will not be charged any interest. The amount was $7,000.00 When I told my husband, he blew up, saying I should have consulted him first. I did not even think of consulting him, because, in my mind it's a non-issue. We will not be "out-of-pocket" at all... it was just more convenient to use my card. That's all. He would not have approved the use of the credit card, in hind sight, I know this.
Anyway, he became so irate that he actually physically assaulted me. For the first time in 28 years, he laid a hand on me. I feel totally devastated. He was drunk at the time.
Should I leave?

Answer 1

why would you spend $7,000 in furniture for your parents knowing that they've had credit problems in the past?? even if you're well off with money remember that even though u make more than ur husband u should consult him on big purchases. I'm not saying you deserve the slap or whatever he did to you but he has every right in the world to be pissed at you. You think that even though if you asked he would have said no- why do it anyway?? i think u screwed up even though ur trying to help your parents out but- what if they can't pay you back for whatever reason?? there goes $7,000 more debt for you. If you were my wife i'd be really **** ed off too. I think ur husband would have not blown up on you if it would ahve been $1,000 but more than that it's WAY Too much even though ur the bigger bread winner doesn't mean you have more rights or say on what to do with the money. Good luck & don't leave him. You just need to fess up to your mistake and admit u screwed up and he has to apologize for hurting you. Next time- consult him even if you know what he's gonna say remember that ur married now you can't just make decisions like this on your own ur married now & MUST consult ur husband what if it were the other way around?? what if ur husband did this to you ? he got bunches of furniture on credit for one of his relatives a ssiter, mom etc that you know have had credit problems in the past?? you'd be pissed too so- apologize & he should apoligize too. Good luck and don't do it again. Note: if he keeps beating on you from now on beat him back & call the cops On him u don't need this kind of life.

Answer 2

I have been married for 25 years, and have gone through some times similar to this myself! ( Not the physical part though.) I assume that since you have been married for so long, you are both around our ages ( 54 and 62) , and can see your point of view. I have also spent money for members of my family, ( that I KNOW will be paid back) and got hell for it from him, simply because he was not consulted! I think too, that when they get a bit older, they get a bit weirder about money, and seem to be afraid that there will not be enough ! ( My husband also has a "thing" about using the credit card.)I know you are devastated by this, as I would be, had it happened to me, and I am sure your husband is ashamed of the fact that he assulted you! 28 years is a long time, and you say you love each other, so I would not leave without trying to find out why he was so upset about it, and perhaps asking him to go to anger management if you think there is a chance of this happening again. I do hope you can come to terms with what happened, and will only make your decision once you have got over the shock.

Answer 3

How far did the argument go before this happened? If you knew he was drunk then the timing of discussing/arguing was poor. Many times when we get upset it's not so much the issue, it may have been the way you argued with him. He probably felt disrespected and being drunk took him over the top. Hopefully he realizes what he did is wrong, but in the future I would avoid confrontations while he's in that condition. If you do leave I would use it as a separation period to get the point across that you won't put up with this kind of treatment. Good luck.

Answer 4

The short answer is "no" you shouldn't leave him. It seems like you are just looking for a reason to leave. Obviously there are several issues here that are working, and you should probably talk to a professional about it and try to work out the issues. 7000 dollars is a lot of money to put on a credit card without letting your significant other know about it. And why did you wait to tell him until he was drunk...and why do you start out the story by saying that you make more money than him...You say that you have been together for 28 years, but you sound like you are 18...Don't leave and get some help...

Answer 5

There is no excuse for his actions, no man should ever lay a hand on you. You need to let him know that the consequences are going to be huge for what he did. Do not let him of easy. I think you should leave know at least until both of you to decide where you are going to go with this. If he ever wants to have a chance of being with you again he needs to go to domestic violence classes, followed by A.A. if he has a drinking problem , and marriage counseling. It seem to me that there is more to the problem that just you charging that money on the credit card, this is something that must have been building up in him for him to have acted this way, still does not justify his actions. Do not minimize the problem. You sound like a sweet, smart and strong woman and do not deserve to be treated this way. You will get trough this.....but you already know that. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

You are telling us you are no longer close to your husband after 28 years of marriage? You thought -- what? -- the honeymoon was going to last for 30? And then you brag about making more money than he does, and charging up a bunch of stuff for inlaws on a joint credit card without consulting him? And then you tell us he got drunk, and ask whether you should leave? My God, woman! Do you have no consideration for this man at all? Yeah you should leave. Leave him to some peace and the possibility of finding someone who might love and respect him. That is the very least you should do.

Answer 7

You husband – drunk or not – has ABSOLTEULY no right laying a finger on you. He was completely wrong on that part – but you were completely wrong in putting that much money on your credit card without talking to him first. Even if it was a “non-issue” you are a TEAM. You absolutely should have said something first. It shows him you don’t respect him. However, he completely crossed the line in touching you and for that I would say that you should get out for your own safety. No matter how disrespectful your actions were he had absolutely no right.

Answer 8

Leaving has to be your decision based on what you can or can't live with. Despite him drinking...that gives him no right to assault you. I certainly think he needs to get into counseling immediately and some anger management classes, and stop drinking...whether it's a little or a lot. If he's willing to get help and you want to try to work through this...the so be it. If he's not willing to get help, the you have to consider if you're willing to live with the possibility of escalating violence. I can tell you from experience that you don't want to go there. It is possible he will never lay a hand on you again, but it's always easier to do something the second or third or fourth time. Please be careful and take measures to take care of yourself first.

Answer 9

I would say you have a really good relationship for being together 28 years but dont except that, if he hit you and he meant to, I would leave for a while at least. If you guys have kids you should be fairly carefull because he may be going through a certain stage. I would say listen to your heart if you think he will keep doing it then leave before it gets worse.

Answer 10

If he hit you once he'll do it again...he needs anger management and fast! You were also wrong using the card without consulting him, whether out of pocket or not, any major purchases like that need to be discussed to avoid arguements like the one you had...I think counseling is in order for you both...

Good luck