is my poem ok?

Question

need good critique -
moonlight on my window pane,
the sky were all the stars are lain,
where land and the horizon meet,
the moon grows faint and stars grow weak,
night ascends without a quake,
hazy light- a new day breaks.

Answer 1

It makes me think of the coming hours of dawn

Very good!!

Answer 2

This poem employs good imagery, and really allows the imagination to see the scene. Of course you know by now that you misspelled "where" in the second line. Also, in the second line, "lain" is the past participle of lie. In line two you have it as a present tense verb. "Had Lain" is how one would correctly employ "lain."

But really, I like the poem overall.

Answer 3

I actually thought that was quite good. You misspelled "where" in the second line, but that's all I have to offer for criticism. Oh, and also in the second to last line, I think you meant "night descends" instead of ascends, because it is a poem about dawn breaking. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I think it's gorgeous! I can picture a silhouette of a young man siting at his window, staring out into the world, amazed by nature. Very peaceful.

Answer 5

It's really good! is this poem supposed to be you, telling someone what they mean to you? if it is, you should add a line at the beginning that specifies it, and it'll make more sense. It's really good! so if you're dedicating it to someone...lucky her!=)keep up the good work!

Answer 6

This is good!!! I have a poem on a similar subject. It had emotion and flow, along with exellent imagery!!! Can't wait for the next one!!! Ciao!!!!

Answer 7

cool; I like it! as a published author, I thought you might want to check out a couple of mine- www.poetry.com-Catrina Tucker

Answer 8

i like your word choice. It flows very nicely together. Keep up the great poetry! : )

Answer 9

Wow. I think that is really good.

Answer 10

I really like this one. keep it up