My b/f just asked me to marry him, but I've met a new man that I feel a connection with. What should I do?

Question

I've been with my current b/f on and off for several years and he has finally decided to settle down. It's all I ever wanted from him, but a few weeks ago I met, what seems like, the perfect man. I can't put my finger on what makes me like him so much, but it feels like our souls are connected somehow.
Should I give up a life time with someone I've wanted forever for someone I just met?

Answer 1

Say no, there is no reason to marry a man that you have no connection with. I know that you may feel that you owe this to him because of the time you have invested into the relationship, but that is never a reason to marry someone. You will know it when you meet the right person and the fact that you are asking this question leads me to believe that you already know the answer to your question. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

I have been in this situation twice. Well, the first guy wasn't really married, he had just lived with the girl and they had no kids. But "officially" he used to have someone. The outcome was: Guy 1) he went back to the old woman, married her, had a kid and apparently eventually divorced her. There were many other "mistresses" in the meantime - before me I know for a fact there were many, after me I am sure only about 1 but I can almost bet that there were many more even after they married. However, they had broken up and had not been living together for months when we dated. Guy 2) he divorced the ex wife after much struggle and now lives with me. We're very happy and love each other very much. So maybe you'll think that I'm the least indicated to offer advice but here goes anyway: RUN TO THE HILLS before this goes any further. I suffered a big deal in both situations, more so on the second one even tho it was the one which had a happy ending. I never considered myself a homewrecker because you can't break what's already broken. If a man wants to leave his wife he will, with or without you on the picture. If that ever happens it's because the r'ship was wrong, not because you appeared one day and he stopped loving his wife out of the blue. Things aren't that simple. But dissolving a marriage can become a nightmare for all parties involved (regardless of the triggering reason), and you will be the one who will suffer the most. This man hasn't even made serious attempts to solve his situation and then make a serious proposal to you, right? He's just flirting and his life continues as is. Sounds pretty bad - that's what guy #1 did to me. He never had serious intentions, although he did mention a few times that he wanted to marry me and have kids and yada yada. But he never took actual steps to achieve it even though he swore he did (but no proof), so that tells you something. You're in the very early stages of this so don't even get into it. Believe me, it makes you miserable and the turnout isn't always good - in fact it seldom is. Wait till he actually ACTS and does something, and go from there. But right now.... he's bad news. If you really want to save yourself a lot of heartache, go away. Before worrying about hurting "a load of people" worry about NOT HURTING YOURSELF, which is most important. I know how you feel because I was also one of those people who said that would NEVER EVER date a married man, that it was wrong, that it was perfectly avoidable and what not...... but I guess that only after being in the situation can one realize how difficult it is, and how different it looks from the outside. One never imagines being trapped in this situation and when you least expect it... you are. But you're still in time to avoid it. I hope you do.

Answer 3

This question hit so close to home I cant' stop shaking. I was in the exact situation. Lived with a guy off and on for about 4 years. All I ever wanted was to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. So I met this new guy, my bf was still saying he didnt want to marry me. So i broke it off and hooked up with the new guy. Waiting patiently for bf to move out of my house, I didnt see the new guy except at work where he would come in and hang out with me for a while. Boyfriend didn't like the thought of losing me to someone else so he propsed to me. But by this time I thought It was too little too late. Stayed with new guy. Boyfriend one night while I was at work came to where I worked and shot new boyfriend dead! Not saying that this sort of thing happens alot but you hear about it more and more on the news. Jealous rage ends in death or injury. Be careful whatever choice you make. I can't tell you what to do but I do think you should seriously weigh your options. If I had chosen the man I had wanted all those years I would be much better off. So much for the grass being greener on the other side =(

Answer 4

This "new man" seems perfect because you don't know him that well. You have been with your BF long enough to know all his faults. That is why this new guy seems so perfect. I am sure that if you spent enough time with him you would see that he probably isn't as great as you think he is. I think to throw away a relationship over someone you just met is a little premature. You really need to sit down and reevaluate your feelings for your BF. Decide if you really want to be with him or give this new guy a try. If you do decide to give this new guy a try, please do your BF the courtesy of breaking it off with him first. He obviously loves you enough to marry you and to go behind his back would be cruel and unfair to him.

Answer 5

This is really tricky and I think you are going to have to do some real innersoul searching. I think you should really think about this and make sure that this new guy is the one you want. Don't marry your current boyfriend until you really settle this. You don't owe him to be married to him becuz you've been together for years. He deserves better than to be married to someone who doesn't love him. Also you owe yourself to be happy and a marriage without love is not healthy. If the love is gone then end the relationship before you go into another one.

Also things to consider with this new guy is what exactly are you feeling.

Is it love?
Is it lust?
Is what you feel for him more or less than what you feel for your current boyfriend?
Does this new guy feel the same towards you?
Whom do you see a future with?

The answers to these questions might help you in deciding what you want to do. Think about it.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Tell your current boyfriend that you need to think about the settling thing a little longer, use as an excuse your career goals (both of your's if you have any), or the economic circumstances; or just tell him you need time to think about it, he has to understand. You should never agree to something that you are not sure about. On the other hand, you don't want to throw away you relationship only because you think you LIKE someone else when you can't even tell us what is it that you like about him "... I can't put my finger on what makes me like him so much..." you most likely just have a crush on the guy and its okay, it might be because you are afraid or confused about teh engagement. Just take your time and be rational. Good luck!

Answer 7

I'm the new guy in a current situation that mirrors this exactly. I still say that if you really love the old and if you feel that that is the best decision than work it out. On the other hand timing is everything, it doesn't sound like its your time for a relationship with either. Stay friends, the one your meant to be with will get you. Just don't mess up and sleep with one of them before that happens unless that's your decision

Answer 8

Marriage isn't going to make a relationship stop being "on and off" again, it's just going to make it worse. You know what it's like with this guy, go with the one with the connection, otherwise you may spend your life regreting seeing what could have been. But either way, don't marry someone that you don't already have a stable relationship with. Tell him you need more time atleast. Good luck!

Answer 9

You're seriously questioning your existing relationship--it might not be so much that he is the 'perfect' man (those don't exist) but your subconscious is looking for a reason to stop and think about what you're doing.

For most people, deciding to get married isn't actually that hard. A lot of it is instinct--when it's right, you just *know* it's right.

Best to take some time and really think hard about what you want. And people don't change just because you're married. What you see is what you get. Remember that!

Answer 10

Go with the one you just met. If you and your bf have been on and off for several years, then your marriage will be the same. If you found a love connection and soulmate, then that who you go with if everything is in perfect order especially if this new guy is at a level of committment.