I am married for last three years . There is no chemistry between me and my husband. I need expression in love and very emotional person. My husband is nice but very different . I need to be loved. I have sex wid him as my duty but from inside i hate it. Now I am in love wid a man who is also in same situation. We have no kids . We do want to marry each other but we are afraid to hurt our partners. We cry all the time , life has become so difficult. I can never tell my husband that I am leaving him. We dont know what to do. For both of us love is very important and we love each other purely. Can you suggest what should we do.
2007-06-04 08:42:55 · 21 answers · asked by payal w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, you need to realize that "love" is a verb -- an action word, something you have to work at. If there is no chemistry between you and your husband, work to get it back. There had to have been some at some point.
You are now having, at the very least, an emotional affair. You may not have kids, but you do have a commitment to your husband. If that means nothing to you, by all means leave him. He'll probably be better off. However, if it does, and you are committed to your marriage, work at it. Go to counseling. Date again. STOP SEEING THE MARRIED MAN. Often, in an affair, you may think you're in love with the other man, but once you go through the divorces to be with each other, you find that the only thing you had in common was a crush and unhappy marriages. More often than not, it doesn't work out.
I suggest you stop seeing the other guy and work on things with your husband.
2007-06-04 08:48:16 · answer #1 · answered by Yogi 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a hypocrite, you are not going to receive any brownie points here oh I don't love him, but don't want to hurt him, but we cry all the time..... whatever..... GROW UP and ease up on the DRAMA. If you don't have feelings for your husband and don't want to give him mercy F#$%, then leave. But don't create this drama about hurting him BS. You are emotionally cheating on him behind his back, so save the tears.... jeezzzzzzz You think this other man is the one, because he tells you all the things that you want to hear. If he is such a great man why is his marriage suffering. Some people just love the Drama in their lives.....
Payal from your name Payal I am assuming your indian, and most indian men are not emotional. It is a part of the culture, did you ever see your father showing emotions to your mother?????? You should have thought of this before your arranged marriage, and if this is a love marriage, then seriously GROW UP.
2007-06-04 09:01:36 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two are both cheaters and are committing adultry . You two deserve each other. You are liars, thiefs and cheats. Get a divorce and go for it . You both have alot to learn about life. Remember what goes around comes around. He is cheating with you , he will cheat with someone else when he gets tired of you with the same excuse that he is using now. You will also do the same thing when the newest wears off you will go looking for excitement again. Get a divorce now before you have kids. You husband and his wife deserve better than you.
Let the trash be together. You deserve only the worst that life can bring and your former spouses deserve faithful partners.
2007-06-04 08:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by springer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I'm not judging you, but you knew that you weren't completely happy before you got married. You said you've been married three years and fell out of love...sounds like you never were in love. He probably was a good man, who showed you affection and attention the best way he knew how, now you've found a man who is saying what you want to hear and your ready to leave. What you put in your marriage is what you get out of it. Is all you do is have sex with him, and you don't try to be romantic or show love, do you think he is going to try in return. You already don't want to be there so I doubt you even try. Don't put it on the backs of others to make you happy, you can do that for yourself. Leave this married man alone....if you aren't willing to work on your marriage that you chose to be in, how are you going to work on a relationship with a married man who could be lying to you about his situation....
2007-06-04 08:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you should do. Stay with your HUSBAND and seek counseling. Learn how to talk to each other, learn how to love each other.
You think you've found this 'perfect' person but as they say... THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. Or as I like to say.... the grass is always greener when someone else is mowing the lawn.
Someone else has to listen to his problems, someone else is taking care of his *needs*, someone elase helps carry the financial burden in this guy's life. OF COURSE that relationship seems great - you get all the fun and his wife gets all the crap.
Stay with your husband and be true to him. Love isn't so much of a feeling as it is a conscious decision that you make every second of every day. Decide to love your husband, and you will.
Besides, this guy might say he'll leave his wife, but he won't.
2007-06-04 08:49:11 · answer #5 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
dont confuse love with lust.....I believe all married couples go through hard times.....where they ask their selves
"what if" but you married him for a reason....I am assuming that at one point you loved him with all your heart....so maybe you should look a little deeper into whats wrong before you make any crazy decisions. Tell him whats going on...be open with him......who knows...maybe he feels the same way ??? and you guys could come to a mutual decision or try to get help........Its important to try and find out exactly what it is thats pushing you away from him....maybe he will try to fix it for you. Just give him a chance....3 years is not a long time.
Good luck......
2007-06-04 08:53:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you love purely when you are doing it in an adulterous way? You two lust for one another and in doing that have decided to make your spouses the evil and turn all of your own problems and insecurities on them.
If you wanted to love your husband you would. If you wanted to be in love with him, then you would be. You want him to be the reason for all your happiness and that is something that you are responsible for. If you wanted to be happy, in your marriage, with him you would be, but instead you are choosing to destroy your own marriage and take some other woman's husband with you. It's bad enough you have problems, leave the other guy and his family out of it.
All of this is in YOUR control and if you wanted to make it work you could. Stop thinking with your heart and start using your head. And stop thinking of what YOU want and start thinking of all the pain you are trying to cause not only your family, but someone else's.
2007-06-04 08:48:40 · answer #7 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your love is not pure because you are both married to other people... If you don't want to be married, file for divorce... let's see if this other person will too... Statistics say he most likely won't... Now think... you lost your husband, and your love won't divorce his wife... Now you have no one... You might regret not giving your husband the marriage he deserves... so think it through first.
2007-06-04 08:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by Oula 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that is a common feeling when you first get married. (I felt the same feeling of entrapment).
FIRST - you need to communicate your feelings w/ your spouse. By communicate, I just don't mean sitting down and talking, either. He has to completely understand where you are coming from. He needs to understand what your needs are. (And vice-versa, you need to understand his needs). I have heard it described that men live in a room; women live in the whole house. To get into "his world", you have to get into his room.
SECOND - if you can't resolve this, then you need to get into a good marriage counceling. We ended up getting councel for almost 3 years! (almost as long you have been married). But now, we have a marriage that the neither Heaven nor Hell can rip apart!.
Best of Luck.
2007-06-04 08:53:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would bet that if the two of you ever managed to get the guts to divorce your spouses and get married you find fault with each other soon enough.
Selfish people are the ones who have affairs and are the ones that keep screwing up their relationships.
I saw get a divorce and realize it was a mistake later.
2007-06-04 08:59:19 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋