divorce - who gets the ex?

Question

My marraige was over before 6 months had passed. My ex was abusive (cliche I know but he admitted the first round, went to counseling, stopped drinking and I thought we'd be ok)
He was a financial catastrophe, and after he stopped drinking turned really mean (I think they call this a dry drunk)/
So, from the time my father learned I had included his home on the restraint order, and threw a fit on the phone while I was at work (total lack of respect) we've had little contact.
I don't understand why my father now has weekly dinners with this jerk, has had the ex's parents to dinner (this never happened the whole time we were married!) yet he doesn't call me ever. Barely says hello when we see each other at family gatherings either.
How can a father turn his back on his daughter for an admitted abusive jerk?
Why doesn't he see that its wrong?
I could never EVER choose my children's spouses over my own children. Unconditional love is supposed to be unconditional, right?

Wow, that was quick. First, I did go to my dad's house after the fit on the phone. He'd been drinking, and tho I told him I wanted to talk about it, he got ticked off and threw me out. Up until this situation, my dad was like my best friend. We played pool together, garage saled together and saw each other all the time.
I used to tease my sisters by telling them I was his favorite and they never argued back then.
The ex is not well read, not educated, not terribly interesting and definately not the kind gentle man I thought he was. He doesn't share any hobbies with my dad, but is a great *** kisser so maybe thats it, no Cubs tickets in this deal.
Thanks for your input. I've been thinking it was all me - that I was wrong to put dad's address on the restraint order so I could go there without worrying.
Maybe I'm not the one who's wrong here after all.

By the way, I took only what was mine before we married and half of what we bought. I even made sure he had everythign he'd need to set up an apartment of his own right down to dishes and linens. I didn't do this to win points, it was the right thing to do. When its over its over, no need for bloodletting.

Answer 1

This happens a lot! Most parents dont show it so blatantly, and others do. Dont worry, you fight for your rights. The court does not issue a restraining order for no reason. The judges have sen millions of cases. You are not wrong. I say get every compensation possible. If you dont, no one is going to come looking for you to help you out. Get every penny. You deserve it. Your Dad has some past insecurities he has to deal with. It is important you find an ally in someone else. This is a very difficult time for you. Be kind to yourself and good luck from me!

Answer 2

Have you tried asking him? Most abusive guys can seem overly charming to others (those they're NOT beating the crap out of). If your father would just ignore you like that, he's got to be hearing something from your ex that contradicts the truth. talk to him (your dad, that is)!

Answer 3

Your right and it sounds to like your father wants something from the ex does he have like connections with sports teams able to get good seats to baseball basketball football games?

Answer 4

Kelly I'm sure there is more to the story, but wow,I'm sorry this has happened. The truth is you can't control who your dad befriends and it sounds as if maybe you and your dad had differences before all this happend.

Answer 5

Hmmm...
Seems like odd behavior, but then again I don't know what sort of person you truly are. Maybe your father thinks this guy was actually good for you.

Answer 6

Not with some people, Some just can't love unconditional. Let alone love.

Answer 7

if ur fathers gonna be like that, forget him i no u cant, but u relli got to try. go find a better guy belive me, wiht like 3 milion guys in this world u will find one.

Answer 8

Is this a religious, cultural thing ?

Answer 9

two drunken men drank together make a good party.