My son has (over the past couple of months) been causing pain to himself when he gets angry or frustrated, Its seems to mostly be when his dad gets on him and he can be very harsh with his words. My son does seem a little sensitive to things, but I think it is because he has no self esteem. The first time I really noticed was when I saw that he had a couple of faint black eyes and when I asked him where he got them he said "oh I did it" and I knew he had becuase I heard him in his room the night before and it was after his dad had been real hard on him. There has been other times and I try not to make a big deal about it incase it is for attention. I am torm with what I should do. He does also seem immature for his age and some kids will be his friend until someone else comes along better then they make fun of him and it hurts. I told his Dad this morning what he has been doing, but I am wondering if maybe this isn't a good environment (my husband can be verbally abusive)
2007-06-04 08:25:50 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
should I leave his Dad? We both seem to get the brunt of his anger. Our living situation is not the best. We are currently lving with my in-laws because we sold our house (we are in financial difficulty), my husband is angry and feels it is all my fault. He does also drink at least a 12pack of beer a day and the more he drinks the angrier he gets. He doesn't physically hurt us, but he can be quite vicious verbally. Last night my son and daughter were arguing over a tv channel and my husband told them that he was disgusted ashamed of them and didn't want to see them if they were going to act like that...and then went on and on, he can't just say how he feels it has to be said 4 or 5 different ways and berates you until there is nothing left of you. I'm just very confused and need to talk
2007-06-04 08:27:40 · update #1
You need to get out of this marriage. He is an abusive alcoholic. Your son might be injuring himself, but if you've never actually seen him do it to himself, it could very well be that your husband is abusing him when you aren't around. In any case, verbal abuse is very destructive and your family needs help. You need to be the adult and step up and protect your children from futher damage.
2007-06-04 08:38:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a lawyer. Obtain an injunction for domestic violence against your abusive husband and find shelter for you and the kids from the abuser. You are not all that much of a concern, however, the children are. As an adult you can do what you like but any adult that will let their children be abused with weak excuses does not deserve to parent and that should be relieved as a responsibility immediately. Abuse is against the law and is punishable by fine, imprisionment and loss of privilege and custody or all of the above. Abuse is not accepted by society so why do you? Call 911 and start the intervention. Remember when a person is sick the recovery to wellness does not start until the sickness is identified by the person afflicted and they desire to be well again. In the meantime they infect and hurt everyone around them. No Excuse for Abuse, protect the kids, spouses are optional.
2007-06-04 08:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's verbally attacking you, then he's doing something for which he feels bad and guilty. The only way he can make himself feel better is to run you down, then it's not such a big crime because you're no good anyway. I know it's weird logic, but that's how it works. What's he doing with his money? With his time and attention? Where's his head at? This sounds a lot like "I'll just act bad until she gets sick of it and throws me out, then I won't have to be responsible." Cowardly and lazy. If you do decide to give him the gate, kick him to the curb, ditch him, etc., just don't take him back. That will not help either of you in any way. A lot of guys who really don't want to be married act like this but then allow the woman to take them back just so they have a regular person to cook for them and sex. Then they get all crappy again. Who knows, maybe he's into porn, or kiddie molesting, or drugs or internet dating or just getting his mid-life ego massaged by the spinning coach at the club. (I've seen and heard all of these as "causes" for bad behavior. Guess which ones got the man divorced!?That's right, all of them!) Whatever it is, if he has to abuse you over it, and can't talk to you to get his needs met and let you help him with it (and maybe some professionals, too), then you should take it as a 'red flag' and realize that a) it will take him forever to change -- IF he ever can.Are you going to accept this crap for decades on the off chance that it will someday get better? You must be going to live longer than the rest of us. And b) He probably won't change, since he's getting his twisted, whiny needs met somehow by blaming you, and that if you keep him, you're teaching the young people in your life that it's ok to be an emotional drama-king and destroy the serenity of the home with lies, broken promises, verbal abuse and never a bit of creativity or love or learning or sharing. What do you want most for yourself and your young people? Looks like it's up to you to give it to them by your example. It's hard work, but it's worth it. Good luck.
2016-03-13 05:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek some professional help, not only for your son but for your husband and you, yes, you.. no parent should abuse of his/her own child in any way, and if you knew about it you are as guilty as him. I'm a father and I know that may son can be very annoying some times, but I also know that verbal abuse can seriously damage a child's life. As an adult, I know that my wife and I are here to protect, help, educate and provide for our son, so you go help and protect your son, and if you have to live your husband do it, you can always find another husband but not another son.
2007-06-04 08:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by Mau 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your kids in a better enviroment. Just because he doesn't raise his fist to you doesn't mean it's not abuse. As far as your son hurting himself he is doing this because he is emotionally frustrated at his dad and can't verbally express himself or stand up to his dad. It's just like someone cutting themselves. You need to get out of that situation and get your kids into some counseling. And some marriage counseling wouldn't hurt you guys either.
2007-06-08 08:14:03 · answer #5 · answered by Angela C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get counseling for your son. Talk to his doctor and find out where to go.
You can't change your husband, but you can get help for yourself. Your husband is an alcoholic. A person is an alcoholic whenever their drinking causes them problems or problems for others.
Contact Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. They have meetings for families of alcoholics. You need to learn as much as you can about alcoholics and about co dependency. Don't be afraid to call them, they can offer you the best help you can get.
2007-06-04 08:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dission you yourself got to make ..do you want to have you and kid's verbal abuse and treated like this always or would you rather have a invirement were there in no abuse to your kids -----can you get a job and suport you's three you are in a rut were to as you need to make final choices take the abuse or make changes ......why did you lose the house $ problems well on your own you will still have them but no abuse do you want a divorce ???? do you want to keep geting abuse for you and the kids ????????? do you want to better your self and the kids????????? do you want help for your son professional he needs it don't you think now how are you going to start handleing your choices you got to answer it and act on them the have safe shelters out here also i did not haft to get help from them but you know there there you also got a phone were as to call first call for help and they give you some one to talk to and a phone number and address to help you -------good luck
2007-06-04 08:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would suggest getting your son in to see a counselor. it sounds like dad is abusive. yes your son could be doing this for attention which means you need to listen to what his actions might be saying. a couselor can help him deal with all the changes in his life right now. i hope that you do some serious thinking about wether or not you want to stay with your husband. you don't say if you think your husband would want to change his behavior and if he is aware that it might be hurting his son. see if he is willing to get help. counseling for the whole family might be in order.
2007-06-04 08:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is wrong with you for allowing this to continue. You need to leave this man and take care of your children and yourself! There's shelters out there if you have no money. Anything would be better than living through this hell every day. Words hit harder than fists!
2007-06-04 08:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by Luv2RIDE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out now. An abusive man is bad news and your son can't take this abuse.
2007-06-04 08:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋