Is it natural to feel awkward about taking your husband's name?

Question

Or to even feel a bit hostile towards the idea?

muchadoaboutnothing, we're on the exact same page. That's exactly how I feel.

Answer 1

I completely understand where you're coming from. I sometimes wonder why more men don't change their names to their wife's - especially in this day and age where people are constantly breaking traditions.

It is a hard choice to decide what to do about names. Muchadoaboutnothing is right - it is easier on children if the parents have the same last name.

It is a very difficult decision.

In the past, property and power were passed down through the sons. Women had very little power and were little more than property. Marriages were arranged like business deals - negotiations were made about the dowry. The woman would be given to the new husband and often move away from her family - so they did lose a lot of their identity - their family, their name. It was a big adjustment. And the man's name would be the one carried on to the next generation, whereas the woman's name was virtually lost.

Thankfully today we get to choose who we marry. Women now have careers, voting rights, contribute to the financial success of the family, etc. It is understandable why it would be awkward and frustrating for a woman to have to make the decision give up her name or not - in a relationship that should be equal.

Answer 2

I took my husband's name, but it took some getting used to. I didn't feel hostile, just had to get used to saying it and writing it. It doesn't change the person you are or who your family is. In my hometown, no one knows my married name so I still go by my maiden there, but that's typicall of small towns. But I guess some women do feel hostile about it, and that's why some don't change it. I know a guy here who took his wife's name, actually, and they live with her family! Whatever works for you.

Let me add this: if you are thinking about not taking it becaue of the whole "what if it doesn't work thing" then you should reevaluate your level of commitment. Also, consider whether or not you want your kids to have married parents with two last names. What name will your kids have? My uncle and aunt combined their two last names when they married, just another idea (not just hyphenated but kind of made a "hybrid" name. Say Johnson and Jones would combine to become Joneson).

Answer 3

I feel like I'm in the same boat.

It's been hard because something in me really objects to women for centuries having to lose their identities when they got married - and becoming the "property" of the man. I know things are very different now and the name change is a tradition, but somehow it still bothers me a bit.

However, I really want my future husband and I to have the same name. If in the future we have children, it will be much easier on them if we all shared the same name.

My fiance and I are still trying to figure out what we're going to do. We might both change our name to something. Or both change to a hyphenated name. Maybe he'll change to my name. Or I might just change my name to his (even though my initials would then be "B.M." - lol) But it is something to think about and talk about with your fiance.

I can well understand why you'd feel so awkward and upset about taking your husband's name.

Good luck. I truly hope you find a solution that makes you happy.

Answer 4

Well not really, it depends on why you have hesitation. I hesitated because I have children already - who are not my husbands - and I didn't want them to feel as if I was no longer their mother by changing my name. So at first I hyphenated, then that got complicated - and honestly, I didn't feel that "married" because people were still using my last name because they saw it and were used to it. Then I sat my kids down, talked to them, asked them if they cared if I changed my name completely, they said "no mom, we know you are our mother - can we go out and play now". I was fretting over nothing and now they even call me - jokingly - by my last name sometimes. It's like this, if you want to change it, then do, if you don't you can hyphenate or use your last name as your middle name : Lola Smith-Jones or Lola Smith Jones. Or, you don't have to take his name at all - but very few men are agreeable to this. And if you have kids together, who's name would you give them? So think about all of those ideas and good luck.

Answer 5

If you feel hostile about it, then by all means don't change your name.

Awkward is another thing. Of course, it is awkward to change your name. You sign your name, but it's not your name, it's wierd.

I did change my name when I got married because I was happy to do it and proud to take my husband's name. My last name was not a big deal to me for some reason.

Do what feels right for you.

Answer 6

I don't believe it is awkward to take your husband's name and I certainly wouldn't be hostile about it. I am proud to be married to my husband and share his name. I also am not of the belief that a woman loses her identity when she sheds the maiden name. Identity comes from within, not a name or title. And for heavens sake, what name would your kids use if you don't take his name!!

Answer 7

Marriage means two become one. The sharing of a last name is a symbol of that union for others to see.

Its likely that people will assume you are not married, but rather just living with this person.

Also--what about the kids? Are you going to hyphenate their last name?

It is not natural to feel awkward about your husbands name.

Answer 8

Sure, especially if it is an odd or non attractive name. And honestly in this modern world it isn't necessary to take his name at all. It is much more common than in the past that the woman keeps her own name.

Answer 9

Yes, its natural. Your last name is part of who you are and your identity in society. Of course, it means a lot to you.

You do not have to change your last name and you could even choose to hyphenate both manes. Some women go by married names socially and their maiden name legally.

Answer 10

It is a little awkward at first, getting used to saying it and writing it. I was never hostile though.