Please give me an advice on how to dump this guy. I've been dating him for 13 months. his ex-wife and kids depend on him too much. I realize I am not ready for this. I want a man with no kids. (but later on, have one of our own). I am afraid I would have to pay for everything if we get married. so, help and do not be cruel please. I need something I can really use so I can get out of this but I don't want to offend him. thanks.
2007-06-04 08:07:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Always the truth, and it will hurt him but he needs to sort out his problems first and then figures out what he wants to do with a new life. You're not a replacement, you have the right not to have his problems and a blended family works only when everything is settled down for everybody , financially and emotionally.I wish you luck!
2007-06-07 06:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't dump a person without hurting them. However, if you've never been married why would you want the problems of a married man. Do you realize if you let go that he might go back home? And that is where he should be. Those 3 kids didn't ask for this. The least he can do is raise his children and then get a divorce. Does anyone realize what divorce does to children? These children don't deserve you or him. They deserve better. Children want one mom and one dad and no extras.
For reasons such as this is why we don't live together or get married until we are absolutely sure this is the right person for us. Once you find the right person, get married. Make a lifetime commitment and stick to it.
Of course, you will have to pay child support for his 3 kids if you stay with him. It took you 13 months to realize this.
Don't mess with married men!
2007-06-04 15:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him the truth, you thought you were ready for the 3 kids he had, but you've found that you really aren't step mother material and don't want to cause any trouble for his children. Tell him there is nothing wrong with him or his children, it is just you and your own inability to deal with 3 kids that aren't your own. Not everyone can be a step mom, and fewer can be a good or great step mom. No doubt his children are very important to him and he'll see the wisdom in breaking it off now rather than hurting his children in the long run.
2007-06-04 15:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by DK Julie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dumping him, so he's going to be hurt no matter what words you use or how you tell him. Honesty is the best policy. Tell him if it were a matter of just the two of you, it might have a chance, but that you aren't cut out to be a stepmom to three kids and to have to deal with the ex wife and stuff. Tell him that you WISH with all your heart that you were that type of person, but you aren't and it's not fair to pretend otherwise and end up hurting all of them in the long run.
2007-06-04 15:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its a bigger offense to not be honest. Tell him the truth in a kind way.
Tell him you are not ready for a permanent relationship with him. That makes it "its not you, its me" thing.
Tell him that you are not comfortable in the role of step mother and want. Tell him that he and his kids are wonderful, but that you have realized that you do not want to be with a man who has kids. Again, "its me, not you".
Tell him that you wish him the best of luck, but that you think its time to go your seperate ways and find what will make you each happy individually
Its all straight to the point, simple and honest without being cruel.
2007-06-04 15:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Upfront and honest is right. Just tell him you aren't ready to take on three kids. It is a lot of responsibility and you may end up resenting the children... especially when you have one of your own and you are paying for the other three too. It's good to get out now. You don't have to be mean, just say you aren't ready.
2007-06-04 15:14:22 · answer #6 · answered by LynneL99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you are not really ready to have a family, and need to be single for awhile.
Be nice, and honest and then just let the relationship go.....
You won't offend him if you treat him with respect and compassion. Being brutally honest is always the best policy.
2007-06-04 15:13:28 · answer #7 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him. Tell him you aren't ready to involve yourself with a man who has children at this time in your life. He should understand that. Don't worry about offending him. I'm sure he'll be hurt if you break up with him, but that's not your worry. You need to take care of yourself, and if you don't want to be in this relationship there is no reason you should be.
2007-06-04 15:13:09 · answer #8 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say don't be mean after you have been acting like a ho, you should have never been with him there are plenty of single childless men out there. Just dump him he doesn't deserve any special treatment either, and don't feel bad he got himself into this mess also.
2007-06-04 15:44:44 · answer #9 · answered by ADR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad you're being mature enough to evaluate this and know you're not ready for this.
I think you worded this quite well here. Just be honest with him... you care about him, but you just aren't ready for all of it.
Good luck.
2007-06-04 15:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋