Anyone been through the same thing? She has a strange history, affairs with priests and married men, all of whom have now died? He is very rude to me and I don't want a divorce because I strongly believe in my marriage vows and I want to keep a father for my children who are all under 18. Any suggestions?
2007-06-04 07:38:36 · 85 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
God understands all that you are going through. He knows what your husband is putting you through and knows of how your husband is acting. He will understand that you are not happy and being done wrong. I think that you should move on and be HAPPY! You deserve to be treated better than how he is doing you. God WILL understand honey.
2007-06-08 16:20:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a mid-life crisis met an opportunistic psycho!
I am so sorry! You must be terribly hurt, confused and afraid. If you really want to save your marriage, it has been done before by many others in your situation. The problem is that he will have to also be committed to saving the marriage.
He will either decide that he was a fool and come back to you and the kids or he will continue to live a seperate life. None of us can predict the future. Talk to him and see where he stands. Let him know how you feel and go from there.
Keep busy. Go out and join a club or volunteer. Take a class at the local community college to explore an interest. Exercise and take care of yourself. Make new friends.
If he decides to come and work things out and you are still open to it, then you will be happier, healthier and better able to handle things. If he does not come back then you will be happier, healthier and in a better place in life.
Just don't wait forever or give up a chance for happiness. Set a time limit and divorce once it has been reached.
I love my husband and hope that the seven years we have been together will turn into 30+ years. I couldn't imagine that happening and then to be in your situation. I wish you the best of luck. I am not Christian, but I do believe in "something" that I call the Divine. I hope the Divine, whatever it is, looks out for you and I wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-04 07:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to an attorney and file for divorce and take him to the cleaners: get the house, child support, and alimony. You can't force someone to remain married to you. He's already chosen to be with another woman and destroyed your marriage vows. You're unevenly yoked. Why degrade yourself further. Do you think your life with him will ever be the same if he stayed? The trust is gone. If he's rude to you now, how much more nasty would he treat you if he remained? And, how would you feel if he remained married to you and continued to have affairs. As far as being a father to your children, he doesn't need to stay with you to be a good father. Try and accept the fact that he does not love you anymore and this is his chosen destiny. Remember free will. Forget about the type of person he's with. That's who he truly wants. Just remember that relationships like his never, never work out in the end. Remember, that when one door is closed, God opens up another. You will have a new beginning. This is not your destiny. You are unevenly yoked.
2007-06-09 08:03:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you believe in your marriage vows, however, do you know your bible? Go read 1 Corinthians 7 - what I call the "marriage chapter" and see what God says about marriage. Your husband sinned against you and God and HE broke the vows, not you, so now you are free. You don't have to stay married to a man who doesn't love you and if he cared anything about those kids he wouldn't be doing this. Stop using this as an excuse and just say the truth, if you don't want a divorce then fine. If you don't want to leave him then fine. But sweetie, look around, he's already left you. Do yourself and your children a favor, divorce him, adopt a new family name - his is now a disgrace - and move on. God bless.
2007-06-04 08:39:08 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I do believe in marriage and marriage can survive adultry, but it will never be the same. (been there) You will never trust him 100% as you once did. I defiantely suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, then you should still seek counseling for yourself. Start CYAing and get an account in someone else's name that you can trust. Get all your ducks in a row and be ready to walk out at a drop of a hat if needed. From your explaination it seems as though he has already left the house to move in with her. If this is the case, then he has already made his decision and the relationship is pretty much over. Please do not stay with this man only for the children's sake. They deserve better than to live under those circumstances.
If you two do decide to work things out, do not be surprised at how everyone will ridicule your decison. Only you can make that choice and you have to follow your heart, not your brain. Your heart will tell you how you feel, your brain will tell you why? Do you love him, can you moveon from this, can you let it go after discussing the issue in full detail, am i only doing this for the children or financial support? All of these are questions you need to ask yourself in coming up with a decison. Pray that God will give you the wisdom to make the right choice. Yes, the vows are holy, but as my preacher told me God never exspects anyone to live like this. If your husband is not willing to take responsibility for the situation and make it better, then there is no since in badgering yourself. Your husband is the one who broke his vows and broke many of the 10 commandments, not you. Do not be ashamed of it. Hold your head up high and know you will come out on top in the end.
2007-06-11 16:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by bayoubelle24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As it stands you don't have a marriage nor a father for your kids. Divorce the bum and keep the life ins polices paid so you can bury him when the 36 year old get done with him. He is rude because you allow him to be rude. You tell him that she can have him and you are filing for child support and alimony. Tell him that's the price he'll pay for, when he's having a mid life crisis with a strange woman. Tell him he should have read Proverbs all the way through, mainly the part about a strange woman. He's been bit. Why do you even want him back?
2007-06-09 11:29:40 · answer #6 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question to you is WHY would you want to stay with a man that cheated on you. Apparently the marriage vows mean NOTHING to him. They WERE the same vows, right??
This woman sounds like a "Black Widow" - - - other than the priest, were the men wealthy?????
I would have her checked out - - - look into the deaths of the "other" men and see what is up.
Finally - NEVER stay in a bad marriage for the kids - - - it only shows them the WRONG way to deal with things.
Get a lawyer - SUE her @ss (there is an actual LEGAL term for this) and divorce the cheating b@stard.
Sorry for what you are going through - and I know that you want to keep your marriage in tact - but how are you going to be able to EVER trust this man?
2007-06-07 05:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by Perfect_Brat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the one reason God gives as acceptable to get a divorce, adultery. Why do you want to stay married to him, when he has left you for another woman? He doesn't want you any more either. Talk to a divorce lawyer and find out what all you can get out of him. He can have visitation with the children. He can pay child support and alimony too. Don't put up with that kind of disrespect. You have honoured your marriage vows, but he has not done the same. He is an adulterer. Don't be his door mat.
2007-06-11 16:32:47 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very commendable that you are strong about your marriage vows & are thinking of your children first. Sadly we can't control our husbands, so let him 'reap' what he 'sows'. Since the "Bible's standards" (not man's) say that marriage can only be broken by 2 instances (death & adultery), it's up to you to take him back after he's been burned by that woman(if he hasn't been killed yet for his money, that is). If you can/will forgive him, than getting back together wouldn't be too dificult.
But he honest with yourself, if you truly cannot live with him & forgive him for the rest of your life knowing the damage he has done to you & your family, then don't. It would be too hard for you & especially the kids. (Since the kids are all under 18, you can still get him for alimony & child support up until the last child turns 18). This is the worst case scenario. Other than that, it all depends on whether you forgive him or not, remember, he has now broken your vows. It's up to you to follow through with that & cut it off, or just let it go & prepare to work on patching things up. Wish you the best!
2007-06-04 08:21:41 · answer #9 · answered by Shannyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor thing. Its really a man thing to make such a fool of himself. I suppose he was flattered. He is having a mid-lifer. I would ignore him actually and wait until its all gone ****-up and he comes crawling back. Also, just to make sure he gets the point, doll yourself up, look as gorgeous as ever, and get out and about and enjoy a little girl-freedom while the tom is sniffing elsewhere. He will get jealous, see what a fool he has been and be crawling back. I agree with you about your marriage vows but I would say to you that infidelity is a reason for divorce in the bible - if you quietly agree to it and give him what he wants, he might get the shock of his life. He may well, deep down inside, be relying on you not to give him a divorce as its not actually what he wants and gives him an excuse not to marry the tart! Stay cool and pleasant, gorgeous and serene, and watch him squirm. Good luck.
2007-06-08 10:46:35 · answer #10 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does it matter what age the woman is or is it the fact you are also the same age as your husband. forget what history or previous affairs she has had its not your business. Your children and you are your business so pick yourself up and behave how you would like them to be when they grow up. You want to keep the father of the children - he will always be their father but you don't own him. you may strongly believe in your marriage vows but it sure doesn't seem he does. move on and get living. good luck
2007-06-08 09:00:42 · answer #11 · answered by wings 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋