Guilt-tripping Mother?

Question

My husband and I recently got married and have been living together for almost two years. We had a financial emergency and have come up sixty dollars short on the rent. We haven't ever been late before.

When I explained this to my husband, instead of taking it calmly and just saying "we'll just have to be late then" he freaked out and said "I'm going to call my mother and get the money!!"

I don't understand his behavior. His mother is really bad about making him feel awful for asking for anything from her and she'll guilt-trip him and lecture/nag him for his 'choices'. He is aware of this and has stated that he dreads asking her for anything.

I get paid at the end of the week and while the rent will be a few days late, we'll manage it on our own without having to deal with the tears and guilt-trips. I think this is the better solution...what do you think?

Answer 1

If his mom does react like this then it is better to leave her out of it . he should not be depending upon his mom like that . Let the rent be a few days late it is not going to kill anybody . You are definately right .

Answer 2

Your husband as well as you SHOULD dread having to ask his family for money. If you're old enough to be living together and get married you're old enough to pay your bills ON TIME. Time to learn a bit about responsibility. The landlord also has bills to pay and without YOUR rent on time that sets THEIR books behind. Start learning to budget better because a history of late rent payments can mess up your credit scores and keep you from purchasing a home in the future.

Answer 3

I have 2 options: both are better than asking for money if your mother-in-law acts like that about it.

1: Pay all the rent when you get paid this Friday. You may want to call the landlord and explain your situation. Be up front. If you've never been late, he/she would probably be lenient with you as long as they don't think you're trying to be sneaky.

2. Pay as much as you can now, and pay the rest on Friday. Again, be up front with your landlord so he/she doesn't think you are trying to pull a fast one.

Answer 4

let the rent be a few days late- explain to your landlord the situation. many times they can be very understanding if you have never done this before. You should take care of this within your relationship. If you include his mother or your mother for that matter- they may feel they have the right to tell you your business because they loaned you money. She may begin to view your husband as a child again. just my thoughts. good luck

Answer 5

Why would he want to even involve his Mother? Is this something he does on a regular basic when there is problems? Being a few days late on the rent isn't good enough reason to call her, this will only lead to other problems. When you bring someone else into your marriage they feel like you've given them permission to interfere, surely he doesn't want his Mother in this also. I would tell him from now on we make it on our own without calling anyone in the family.

Answer 6

Instead of making the entire rent late, pay all but the last $60 of it, with a note to your landlord that you get paid the end of the week. Then pay the rest. No problem, no MIL.

Answer 7

I wouldn't give my mom the opportunity to guilt trip me. If someone loans or gives you something, it should come from their heart. If it doesn't, it's usually a control issue. Talk to your husband and tell him if she can't help you without laying a trip on you, the rent will just have to wait for a few days. It would be easier to live with that than a guilt trippin' mom!

Answer 8

I do not think he was comparing you to a past relationship, you are just freaking out because of your mother. Just keep your schedule, she is trying to control what you do. Tell her you are sorry, but you made a commitment a week ago, and you do not want to be rude and cancel now. Tell her that your mother raised you with more manners than that. It is not your fault that her sisters in laws husband is coming at the last minute? Seriously, not many people would be used to that kind of drama, I think he only meant that he is not used to that in general, not as a comparison.

Answer 9

I agree with you...a few days late is a much better solution.

Answer 10

Why make his mother responsible for your responsibilities. I think it's selfish of him for wanting to ask her and I wouldn't blame her one bit for making him feel guilty. If you are living together, having sex...working..all the adult stuff..then be adult enough to stop spending so much and pay your darn rent!!!