My step-son has been through a lot in his young 7 years. He's survived living in an orphanage for 20 months, being adopted, having his Mom leave 10 months later, re-marry a year later, have a baby, and have his dad re-marry (to me). His Mom is getting divorced again. I am in no way judging her (this is between her & her husband), but I know that my step-son cares for his step-dad very much. Stepson spends the summer with his Mom before coming home for school. He's going through this now while with her and she's already said he's acting out. What is the best way to help him cope with the divorce and loss of a step-parent? I have no experience in this except for being the stepmom... do kids go through the same normal feelings even when it's a stepparent?
DH and I want to do whatever we can to help stepson out as much as possible. He usuallly talks to me a lot and will open up with me more than anyone else. I want to do the right thing! Please help! Thank you.
2007-06-04 06:01:45 · 7 answers · asked by enhanna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like Mom is a mess and her drama will always affect her son. He's got to learn coping skills, and you can help him with that. At his age, in my opinion, the best thing to do is continue to be loving and caring, give lots of hugs, praise, encouragement. Interact with him, play games, listen to him when he talks. Give him practical, up beat advice and don't dwell on the negative. Try to find a 'bright side' to the situation and redirect his attention. Perhaps you can suggest that the ex stepdad (if he has a heart at all) and your ss become pen pals? Not only is it a great way to get your ss involved in writing, but it would be a 'special' thing that he shares ONLY with the ex-stepdad. At first he can do mostly drawings, or you can pick out funny cards in the store and he can just write his name. As he gets better at writing you can help him write stories and letter to send. The other thing that your ss needs to know is that not all the parents in his life will end up walking away. You tell him in simple terms that sometimes relationships don't work out, as much as people want them to and as much as people love each other, sometimes it just doesn't work and it's better to leave. Reassure him that it had NOTHING to do with the ss, but it was an adult problem between two adults. Also, you can talk to him about easy ways to cope with the sadness. Suggest when he feels sad to find ways to 'chase' the sadness away, by talking to someone, or playing his favorite toys, or drawing a picture about it. Now is the time to help him learn coping skills, practical and useful that he can continue to use as he grows older. Good Luck.
2007-06-04 06:26:41 · answer #1 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tough place to be for all of you. There really isn't much you can do, other than be there for him and try to get him some counseling. Try talking to his mother about setting him up with a good child therapists. Make sure that while he is with his mother, you call him every day. Also, make sure he has your phone number at hand so he can call you anytime. Is the mother and step father willing to let the boy keep in contact with him after the divorce? That could be benefical also. Good luck.
2007-06-04 06:12:10 · answer #2 · answered by Sammy S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the soon to be ex step father if he wants to keep in contact with the child. If so and is NOT abusive to the child, then when you have visitation, have the soon to be ex step father be involved as a friend. Kinda like a big brother. I hope the boys father will see that children are the most important thing in this world and at his age, it will be hard for him to understand what is happening. If the father and step father can to things together with this boy then he will grow up knowing what it means to be a dad and he can teach his children this most valuable lesson.
2007-06-04 06:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is just be there for him love him and
be a friend to him let him know that he can count on you alway's no matter what.My father died 5yrs ago I was devistated my son was 6 and was close to his grandpa,he mourned just like I did and dealed with it better than I did..I believe that kid's grieve like adult's but can handle it better.
2007-06-04 06:13:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't find "REAL" help here. I highly recommend getting him into some counseling pronto. Sounds like he's had a tough life, and counseling would be a big help. Take him to the family doctor and get a referral. You are a good step-mom to want to help. Good luck!
2007-06-04 06:05:41 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
BE HONEST. TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
Tell him that he has been surrounded by a whole bunch of very selfish adults that have made some very bad decisions.
2007-06-04 06:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by shambo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just keep reassuring him that this has nothing to do with him. He might think he is somehow the root cause and might even be worrying about you and his father.
2007-06-04 06:10:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋