I must be the stupidist person, I am married to a decent man, he is good to the kids. I have never felt deeply for him, we have had a very rough 4 yrs of marriage- you name it, we have had it already. We have discused divorce, even filled out the papers. I am not sure if we are both insecure or just sure yet- I am not wanting this to be the biggest mistake i ever make. I have been talking romantically to a close friend recently. I am confused, I have always had a strong connection to this friend and now there is the opprotunity to be more. He is fantastic, really. I am just afraid- I am at a crossroads in my life and I don't know which path to choose. The one I have been on but never been fulfilled in or the one with the friend which is uncharted but promising. Am I being selfish by wanting more in life than what is now? Will I always regret not taking the other road (whichever i choose)? Please explain why this is happening in my life? Why can't I be?
2007-06-04 05:59:26 · 17 answers · asked by Sun of the Dark 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should leave your husband before you decide to have an affair with another man. Would you want your husband to have an affair on you? Are you truly trying or just telling yourself you are? Don't look for excuses, but for what will truly make you happy in life. Not just for the moment but forever!
2007-06-04 06:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by taurus_lynne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got so screwed up when you married the man that you "never fell deeply for". Why the hell would anybody do that? Do you know what marriage even is? You made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, till death do you part with a man that your not really sure of?
Of course, your going to get a divorce!
Once again the children will suffer, because of your stupidity and because your marriage is not going to make it. Imagine, you've already begun to cheat! You are incredibly selfish and payback is gonna be a b--tch. That's not a threat, that is just the truth.
Do not forget, your children come first. NOT YOU! They didn't ask to be born!
2007-06-04 13:26:56 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sunshine, my wife is currently going through the same issue. I have been a loyal, faithful, wonderful husband and father for over 10 years but she recently told me she does not love me and wants a divorce. She has developed a spiritual affinity with another person and she feels it is unfair to me and her to remain married.
My only advice to you is to take things slowly and do not rush into anything without first doing some deep soul searching yourself. Only YOU can make yourself truly happy - not your husband, friend, etc. I do not think that you are screwed up, but I do think you need to look at all causes of your unhappiness before throwing away your marriage for someone else, only to find that you will still be unhappy later on down the road.
2007-06-04 13:07:06 · answer #3 · answered by Scott O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your marriage may be screwed up BUT you're scared to moved on. Scared to start over. You need to decide if divorce is what you want and if it is, go through with it. What are you suppose to do? Stay in marriage because you're comfortable but no longer in love? Being single again and starting a new relationship may be a terrifying thing, but see it as a new chapter in your life. Take what you know, what you have learned and move on. It's an exciting time for you. And no, I don't think you're selfish.
2007-06-04 13:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by cuban_wahine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being so melodramatic.You found a new boyfriend-you want to dump your husband for him and you want the people on this site to approve. Isn't that the truth? You're alot like many women these days. Selfish and self-centered. What about your children. How will this effect them? Do you think it will be easy? How will they feel towards you when they figure out you dumped their father for some new meat? What the hell. Go for it. It's your happiness that is most important. Don't worry about the kids. Other kids have had their lives ripped apart and turned out ok. Your happiness is paramount. But wait...maybe the new meat is just in it for the thrill. What if he just wants to get in your pants? What if you destroy your marriage and your childrens family and the new meat loses interest? Such a dilema. What will you do??? You're pathetic.
2007-06-04 13:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Ronin 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with most of the replies.
Don't have an affair. Forget about your "friend", he's probably manipulating you anyway, just to have sex. There's nothing like sex with a married woman, no complications, no hangups.
Your children will be miserable and will never trust you.
What's more, your infidelity will lead you to financial and moral disaster.
Stay in your current marriage, enter marriage counseling.
Any relationship can be saved if both parties are willing to save it.
2007-06-04 13:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by KI557 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you will receive a number of answers saying - "do what makes you happy." I disagree. I say "do what is right and good and learn to find happiness in that." You have an opportunity to faithfully keep a promise, to love a good man, to set a great example for your kids, and to make your family a happy healthy one. I say cut off the emotional attachment to Mr. "He seems so perfect.", and poor yourself into making your marriage and family all it can be.
2007-06-04 13:06:30 · answer #7 · answered by hutmikttmuk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If neither one is ready to give up, there is still hope. Love can be renewed and I would definitely suggest giving counseling a chance before ending a marriage. Going through a divorce can be worse than losing a loved one.
2007-06-04 13:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by david 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being selfish by wanting more in life than what is now.
From what you have written it sounds like you regret everything in you life.
This is happening in your life because you haven't figured out that you are NOT special and that life is NOT a fairy tale.
You can't just be because you think you deserve more out of life. Sorry you don't, but if you calm down you just might appreciate what you have.
2007-06-04 13:37:30 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about you.....it's about the kids. And I'm pretty sure they aren't looking for a new daddy. It would be wise for you to spend more time trying to work on your marriage instead of a new man.
2007-06-04 13:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋