how much time does your signifigant other spend with their friends? how much is too much - and has this issue caused relationship problems?
my fiancee hangs out with his friend/friends ALL the blessed time,it is pissing me off, - there is no cheating problem,or a where is he problem - its just the "guy time" ..........arrrrgggghhhh. so - how much is too much?
2007-06-04 05:50:12 · 50 answers · asked by ♥livingdeadgirl♥ 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
i am 25 - we have been living together for 2 years - the problem has gotten worse since he's gotten buddy buddy with this 1 friend - he has alot of freedom due to his girls work schedule,so now mine has to tag along all the time. they do alot of outdoor activities like fishing and riding dirtbikes - and i can't go because of work and stuff,i go sometimes.
the amount of time is 1 or 2 weekdays - home 9 or 10,fri sat - all day till 2 or 3 in the morning,sometimes sundays,maybe 1 or 2 weeknights --- like i said , too much. we have discussed it,he feels i am just complaining,that he is doing nothing wrong,and that guys have to have guy time. he tells me to get friends and go somewhere sometimes - but id rather be alone,i like me-time. but i miss us-time.
2007-06-04 06:09:06 · update #1
Since he's your fiancee which means about to be married, so there should be a difference between you're situation and a "just dating" situation.
I think that once you are married, one day a week for guy stuff should be plenty, and at least one date night a week for you as a couple.
You shouldn't try to come between him and his friends but he should naturally transition to you being more important than them. You'd better damn well be more important to him when you're his wife!
This could be a sign that he really isn't ready to settle down and be married, If you are engaged and almost ready to get married you should be able to have a civilized discussion and communicate your feelings to him, and if he just can't accept the fact that marriage means less time for hanging out with his buddies than maybe he's not ready for marriage or has an entirely different idea of what marriage will be like.
You should figure this out and see some changes before the wedding, don't assume things will change, that would be a recipe for disaster.
2007-06-04 05:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by Parercut Faint 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you say fiancee which means almost married, so there should be a difference between you're situation and a "just dating" situation.
I think that once you are married, one or two time a week for guy stuff should be plenty, ie one day out of the weekend and one evening during the week, The closer you get to marriage the closer you should get something like this.
You shouldn't try to come between him and his friends (doesn't sound like that is the case here) but he should naturally transition to you being more important than them. You'd better damn well be more important to him when you're his wife!
This could be a sign that he really isn't ready to settle down and be married, If you are engaged and almost ready to get married you should be able to have a civilized discussion and communicate your feelings to him, and if he just can't accept the fact that marriage means less time for hanging out with his buddies than maybe he's not ready for marriage or has an entirely different idea of what marriage will be like.
You should figure this out and see some changes before the wedding, don't assume things will change, that would be a recipe for disaster.
2007-06-04 05:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's too much if you've brought it up and it's not been addressed or has fallen on deaf ears. There is no "right" number. It's more like whatever both parties feel is a good amount. Clearly, since you feel it's too much. you need to communicate this to your partner. Don't get upset. Just explain that you need his attention. Marriage is about becoming one and ya can't become one w/ a bunch a smelly guys....so he needs to put you first before anyone else. But at the same time, kinda be gentle when ya bring it up. You don't want to alienate or come across as demanding...There's time enough for that after marriage....lol
2007-06-04 05:56:13 · answer #3 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What one finds " annoying " in the beginning will only serve to grow downright agitating later on.
Have you ever heard the phrase " I'd rather be alone by myself than be alone in a relationship ".
He had " concurred " you, and may feel that he doesn't have to " woo " you anymore.
" How much is too much " ? When that " much " is not right for you. There is no " amount " or scale to gage a " too much " by. Either it balances with the two of you or it doesn't.
Love is not enough. Love requires attentiveness, communication, affection, patience, care, encouraging each others growth, being thoughtful . . .
The gardner (your guy) may have bought the plant...yet with it not being watered, given nutrition, attention . . . that plant (you) will soon wilt and begin dropping leaves.
Have a talk with your " gardner " and share clear communication. If he doesn't care for you as you deserved to be . . . find a new gardner. Love is not enough . . . that is to be learned.
2007-06-04 06:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by onelight 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are angry about it then it's too much. I would say that one or two times a week should be sufficient unless there is a job or project they are doing. Does he know how you feel? If not, I would let him know. I would assume you are feeling neglected b/c of this and you should tell him. If you have spoken to him before, try to sit with him again and work out a compromise and stress to him how important it is for you to have some of his time as well. Remember..if he doesn't change then this is going to have to be something you can tolerate once you're married. Good luck.
2007-06-04 05:57:20 · answer #5 · answered by ~Charity~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is causing problems with your relationship then I would say it is to much. You need to have a talk with your honey and let him know how you feel. Maybe you guys could come up with a compromise where he can spend time with his friends, but you guys also get to spend some "alone" time. If you don't deal with it now, it probably won't get better just because you get married.
When he is with his friends, take the opportunity to go and hang out with your girl friends. Sometimes we need time with the girls (no guys allowed!).
2007-06-04 05:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by Laura E 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I feel your pain. My husband spends between 4-5 days out of the week with his friends. Either he's at their house or they are over at our house. Granted, each day he's spending it with a different friend, but damn! Every Sunday, he goes over to a friends house and spends the entire evening there. Doesn't get home until almost twelve. It does cause problems because not only does he need to have time with me alone but also our son, as well. I have started doing the same thing he does. Make yourself as unavailable for a few weeks. Go over to your friends house and hang out while he's at home. Go with him to hang out with his friends. Believe me, if you start coming with him everytime he goes, his friends will stop asking him as much. lol. I'm so evil.
2007-06-04 05:58:24 · answer #7 · answered by Fool in the Rain 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's almost impossible to say exactly how much time because there are always changes in life/schedules...Sometimes you need to spend more time with your GF/BF...Sometimes you need to spend more time with friends. I don't think that time is really the issue. It sounds like there could possibly be intimacy problems. He may be running away (scared) of getting too close. He may be one of those guys who thinks it's not cool to spend too much time with your GF because it's seen as "unmanly." When you have trust and open communication, this problem will disappear...You both will be on the same page---or you'll figure out that this is not the situation you want to stay in...
2007-06-04 05:57:19 · answer #8 · answered by happy4u 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think everyday with the friends and not any exclusive YOU time is not good. If he blows you off for the guys, thats too much. But if he DOES spend alot of time with them but still can spend enough quality time with you, then don't complain too much. If he cuts down drastically and ends up spending all that extra time with you, he may be resentful. and sometimes too much time together is not good for a realtionship. it can get boring or tense.
2007-06-04 05:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by honeychild 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a problem in many relationships, not only the young. I know friends in their 40's that have the same problem. I believe you need to find either friends of your own or a hobby or something to do so it won't unset you so much. Maybe counseling or a heart to heart talk.
2007-06-04 05:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋